so embarrassed Year 2 son!

[Ohcrapbag]

I have two sons, one is now in secondary and the other year 2.
September born so one of the eldest but has always been quite immature compared to his peers, preferring to run around playing football or out on his bike than to playing complex games on computers and so on.
He's just under where he should be academically which has always been put down to poor concentration and not really having an interest in reading for instance.
He's very lively and since starting reception has had many tellings off for boisterous behaviour within his friendship group ( 4 of them all very similar ) however it's all come to a bit of a head now as the teacher has called me in for the following reasons -
Him saying " I don't want to / I already know this / I'm not interested in this / my parents won't care about this ( when she told him we wouldn't be happy with him not listening ) " and generally just being very cocky and rude to her.
Also being silly in class to get people to laugh however most are not laughing and just think he's stupid
Not concentrating in class whatsoever so doesn't know what work he's meant to be doing when it's time for independent learning
Reading level is 2 below the books he reads at home as he doesn't focus at school when she reads with him
She said there seems to be a lack of respect
I'm really embarrassed. We've been more positive parent types I suppose and we're always proud of our children for having an opinion and a voice, for not following the crowd or trying to fit it and being happy an individuals however she said it's not being assertive, just rude and wants us to agree on something he loses of an evening for poor behaviour in class.
At home he is kind and considerate, very active which we've always just accepted so spend lots of time trailing through woods and so on but no bad behaviour as such.
She asked if we had noticed anything at home but other than not wanting to read with us and telling his football coach he already knows how to play football a few times when doing his lessons I can't think of anything at all.
Is this just a phase? She seemed really annoyed; usually very smily and jokey but not today.

Sorry but he sounds like 'one of those kids' the clue is when you say "We've been more positive parent types I suppose and we're always proud of our children for having an opinion and a voice, for not following the crowd or trying to fit it and being happy an individuals"
Says it all he's too young by far to know when it's appropriate or how to voice his opinion to adults in a respectful way so should do as he's told by authority figures!

Sorry, that was the an criticism about treating like equals, just an observation. We do too, but have quite shy children so it hasn't 'backfired' yet. 😂

'Spirited'...BINGO!

I think you need to back up the school. Tell him he is being rude and that he doesn't know it al already. Tell him you are getting daily/ weekly updates from school and then impose sanctions if he continues to misbehave. It sounds like he's making life hard for his teacher, you need to nip it in the bud.

No excuses for rudeness. Small misdemeanours at school will be dealt with in school but if the teacher feels that his behaviour is consistently bad and disrespectful to call you in for a chat then I would be punishing him at home too. So he would be missing something he loves to start with and I would be in regular contact with the teacher to see if his behaviour improves. How do you usually discipline him at home if naughty?

If he thinks he knows it all (when he doesn't), maybe talk to him about accepting that perhaps he doesn't know it all, or what would be the point of school? You say he sounds logical, but claiming to know it all at 7 just isn't logical at all.
It seems a bit like you're looking for excuses rather than being prepared to take steps to improve his behaviour at school. The examples given by the teacher must cause a fair amount of disruption to the other students and be a source of constant frustration for her.
I'm sure you can nip this in the bud, he's only 7, but he'll find school easier to navigate if he's able to respect his teachers.

You're excusing very poor behaviour. It's not incredibly logical it's incredibly rude and he needs to understand that or you'll be allowing/encouraging him to fail at school.
The other children don't all play chess. He's lying. They may not like being silly with him and may find him cocky and arrogant. They might not want to play with a know-it-all. Seven IS young but not too young to be polite and understand behavioural norms.

My DS is 7 and there seems to be a lot of running around, playing tag, football and being silly in his class, so god knows how your DS has managed to be in a class full of chess players who don't like playing.

As a secondary teacher, kids 'having an opinion' usually translates to kids who won't follow instructions. Kids who have to argue every single point. It's a complete pain in the arse, and though he might be delightful at home, he will get in more and more trouble at school for this.

You need to reinforce that if the teacher is asking him to do something entirely reasonable, like get on with his work, stop messing around, do something in particular, then he just needs to get on with it.

My year 2 also uninterested in computer games (nothing like that ar home and none of his friends do). It's all about fossils and football.

I don't think you have anything to worry about in terms of what you see as immaturity BUT I would be upset and concerned by his seeming lack of respect and plain rudeness to adults. That's unusual, certainly at this age, and would indicate that he has been allowed to get away with rudeness at home. I think what you regard as "positive" parenting may need to become "positively not accepting downright rudeness and disrespect"

It's easy to think that the teachers don't 'get' him or don't like children having opinions but he sounds like he's been really rude.

It's great that you follow his interests as you mentioned initially but what does that look like? Do you tend to do what he wants to do? Do you tell him no or insist he does things that he might not enjoy but need to be done?

Most of us grew up with our weekends being taken up with tasks our parents needed to get done. These days parents are so keen for their child to be having fun and 'making memories' that some children are never expected to wait, attempt something seen as boring or hard work or do things they don't want to do that will please others. Sometimes school is the only time children are told no or made to wait and the teachers have to deal with the consequences of this.

Arrange a meeting and go and see the teacher, you need to work with the school to address this.

I think his behaviour is very rude and though you state you will support the teacher, you are making excuses for him. He has all the hallmarks of a child who is a nightmare to teach. I would read him the riot act. I think it's ridiculous of those who say there should be no punishments at home for bad behaviour at school. I am not someone who comes on threads to support teachers all the time - far from it. But your son needs a serious challenge to his behaviour at school from his parents.

Permissive parenting suits the naturally compliant and academically gifted when it comes to school. Telling the teacher you know it all already is cocky if you do and really terrible if you don't. He needs shorter reins.

I'm sure you would back the school up, if it was your child being disrupted.

When he is being taught to do something but he responds in a way that suggests he knows it all, then that is unacceptable and inappropriate in a class setting.

You need to teach him about good manners and appropriate behaviour. I am not at all surprised his teacher is not pleased. He needs to know that cocky behaviour, if that is what it is, can be quite obnoxious. His classmates seem to be finding it a bit annoying too.

The word "brat" will be in the minds of many, I feel.

Not punishing at home bad behaviour which happens in school, believing it to be the school's responsibility, is an absolute cop out.

The schools are there to educate your child. Not to parent them. You need to show your child that you absolutely back the school in disciplining their bad behaviour, and that they need to respect the teachers' authority. You don't get to shrug and say it's nothing to do with you.

This is not directed at the OP btw.

You need to back up the teachers and discipline your son. If you don't back up the teachers then he won't want him to behave.

Perhaps he needs to know that you do really mind if he doesn't listen to his teacher?

He does need your help on this - or he will get further behind. This is an occasion where you could really aid him by teaming up with school.

I would go for the rewards at home for good behaviour/good work in school rather than punishments.

Don't take away his outdoor exercise as punishment for misbehaving at school - that is a truly stupid idea. All you'll get then is a child who misbehaves at home and school due to not having an appropriate outlet for energy and frustration.

He needs to learn that there's a time and a place and year 2 is not too young for that subtly. A 6 year old can grasp the idea of "playing the game" i.e. not arguing with the teacher even when they disagree but it being fine to discuss the possibility the teacher was wrong at home. Teaching blind obedience is only appropriate for dogs.

That said you need to be very clear and humourless about him not disrupting the class and respecting (rather than blindly obeying) teachers.

Agree school asking you to punish at home is not on and probably not a school policy but the idea of one rather blustery but ineffective teacher.

Sounds like a brat to me as well, I'm afraid.
Wanting to be outdoors instead of on computers is great.
Seven year old boys being boisterous is to be expected.
What is completely unacceptable is the backchat and attitude. Telling his coach he already knows how to play football? If I was his parent OR his coach he have been removed from that so fast his feet wouldn't have touched the floor and kept out until he could learn some respect. And as for his comments to the teacher, words fail me.
You seem to be surprised the teacher was unimpressed and was not her usual smiley self. Had I been his teacher, I'd have been fighting the urge to give him a clip round the ear.
Rather than be embarrassed, start putting some rules in place, let him know his behaviour is unacceptable, and help him see that he is at school to learn. You need to nip this in the bud now as if he is like this at seven, god knows what he will be like at 12 or 13.

I'm not sure the OP said anything about being permissive parents...

Do you talk much at home about respecting other people, and their own and other people's property? Is he encouraged to think about people's feelings? I also have a ridiculously logical child. That never excuses unkindness or rudeness. a very explicit approach may help. .

I am generally of the view that school should handle discipline on their own turf - what the teacher is proposing sounds weaker and less effective than something the teacher herself controls. Look at the school's behaviour management policy, on their website or via school office.

Allowing cockiness / know it all behaviour will do him no favours in the long run. You need to clamp down on this, it's very rude of him, quite disrespectful actually.
Discipline him and keep in touch with the teacher to monitor his behAviour

really didn't think he was being rude by saying he already knows things. In his mind he did ( even when he doesn't )

Then teach him that it is rude.

Its great wheb kids can speak their mind but not if they dont know the difference between expressing an opinion and being rude. Acting like a know it all when you clearly dont know it all (who does?) Is rude.

I also suspect the reason the school want you to also be involved in punishing him because thet feel you arent doing enough.