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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

so embarrassed Year 2 son!

213 replies

Ohcrapbag · 17/05/2017 18:56

I have two sons, one is now in secondary and the other year 2.
September born so one of the eldest but has always been quite immature compared to his peers, preferring to run around playing football or out on his bike than to playing complex games on computers and so on.
He's just under where he should be academically which has always been put down to poor concentration and not really having an interest in reading for instance.
He's very lively and since starting reception has had many tellings off for boisterous behaviour within his friendship group ( 4 of them all very similar ) however it's all come to a bit of a head now as the teacher has called me in for the following reasons -
Him saying " I don't want to / I already know this / I'm not interested in this / my parents won't care about this ( when she told him we wouldn't be happy with him not listening ) " and generally just being very cocky and rude to her.
Also being silly in class to get people to laugh however most are not laughing and just think he's stupid
Not concentrating in class whatsoever so doesn't know what work he's meant to be doing when it's time for independent learning
Reading level is 2 below the books he reads at home as he doesn't focus at school when she reads with him
She said there seems to be a lack of respect
I'm really embarrassed. We've been more positive parent types I suppose and we're always proud of our children for having an opinion and a voice, for not following the crowd or trying to fit it and being happy an individuals however she said it's not being assertive, just rude and wants us to agree on something he loses of an evening for poor behaviour in class.
At home he is kind and considerate, very active which we've always just accepted so spend lots of time trailing through woods and so on but no bad behaviour as such.
She asked if we had noticed anything at home but other than not wanting to read with us and telling his football coach he already knows how to play football a few times when doing his lessons I can't think of anything at all.
Is this just a phase? She seemed really annoyed; usually very smily and jokey but not today.

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 17/05/2017 21:15

I'm assuming you have already taken him into class to apologise to his teacher? That would be a good starting point in helping him understand your expectations.

Goldmandra · 17/05/2017 21:22

Yes, they're just twiddling their thumbs waiting for 'invitations' to observe children who are speaking out of turn and not doing what their teacher wants them to do

They are a team of specialist teachers who have the additional skills needed to observe and assess behaviour that teachers are struggling to manage and need ideas about.

This teacher is asking for help in the wrong place. She is not getting to the root of this behaviour and thinks that adding another layer of sanctions will sort it. That is highly unlikely.

We need to recognise that teachers cannot be expected to be the experts in everything and there are times when it's a good idea to get someone with extra expertise and a fresh pair of eyes to try to identify the root of difficult behaviour.

The earlier they step in, the more effective their interventions are likely to be and the better the outcome for the child. They are not just there for when children are trashing classrooms and assaulting teachers.

Believeitornot · 17/05/2017 21:28

I have a "spirited" child but I don't tolerate his behaviour when it is rude. Yes I will try and talk and explain stuff but there are times when, actually, I'll tell him no and occasionally I'll chuck out a "because I did so".

My ds is 7, he likes to push the boundaries because he's quite bright and gets very bored. But when he tells me he's bored at school, he knows he's not allowed to mess about and I talk to his teachers about his behaviour. She labels him as a "typical boy" but I'm having none of this!

Anyway, you need to explain to your ds that sometimes in life we have to do things we don't want to and it will pay off later. I would get his eye sight checked and I would tell your ds that you side with the teacher. I would also have a chat about how things are. Does he have many friends? Does he play with them outside of school?

teawamutu · 17/05/2017 21:33

A family friend is a head teacher. He often says that he can only do so much because the seven hours a day he has his pupils for is vastly out-influenced by the 17 hours they spend at home.

That's why you need to show your son this stuff matters. Not to punish him hours after the fact, but because you value education and you respect the school. If you don't show it, why should he?

GottonamechangeNow17 · 17/05/2017 21:40

He sounds awful and like a boy
In my dds class who ruins every lesson for the rest of them because
of attitude and abysmal behaviour. His poor teacher and classmates. He isn't Imature that he prefers to be outside not on computer (that's being a normal kid), he's imature because he has no respect!

witsender · 17/05/2017 21:41

He doesn't sound "awful", he's a 7 yr old boy. Unnecessary.

GottonamechangeNow17 · 17/05/2017 21:50

A 7 year old boy who is rude and the teacher needs help from his parents to deal with his behaviour. Awful. I see this from the other side from a child in my dds class;disrespectful and won't follow instructions.. yes it's awful behaviour.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/05/2017 21:52

It's easy to think that the teachers don't 'get' him or don't like children having opinions but he sounds like he's been really rude.

I agree completely

GottonamechangeNow17 · 17/05/2017 21:53

Oh and "cocky and rude" and "being silly in class to get people to
laugh"

Disruptions everyone else's schooling..,yup that's awful

scaryteacher · 17/05/2017 22:13

I taught a Year 7 lad like this....I spoke to his Mum, and we had an arrangement that I would email her and let her know how he had been in my lesson. If good, he got to go to football that night, if not, he didn't. He learned fairly sharpish.

Believeitornot · 17/05/2017 22:24

like a boy

How casual you are in your sexism Hmm

Original poster
Ohcrapbag · 17/05/2017 22:29

Really feeling like I'm being heavily judged
Feel like the teacher thinks I'm not capable even though all through reception year 1 and half of year 2 he's been very well behaved

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 17/05/2017 22:30

There was an end to the 'Like a boy' comment it was actually
'like a boy in my DD's class' - poster was not being sexist.

Original poster
Ohcrapbag · 17/05/2017 22:31

He hasn't apologised as this meeting was today
He will be tomorrow first thing

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 17/05/2017 22:35

Maybe he's struggling and his behaviour is his way of coping.

My ds went through a phase of saying he didn't care about school and was quite rude about it. Turns out he was finding it difficult so we spent quite a bit of time helping with his reading. He settled back in to it and has been fine.

So I would check - his eyesight. Priority. Check anything else as well.

Believeitornot · 17/05/2017 22:36

AH @KurriKurri I apologise. Sorry @GottonamechangeNow17

Fruitcorner123 · 17/05/2017 22:37

Don't agree at all that he should be punished at home for what goes wrong at school...imo it's a crap school that suggests that

Most decent schools would suggest that. By far the best way to deal with poor behaviour is for the school.and parents to work together and present a united front. Children need consistency, they need to know what is expected of them. They also need to be taught at home that school and learning are important.

KurriKurri · 17/05/2017 22:37

I had to read it a couple of times - I think poster's phone had chopped the sentence in an odd way Smile

Armadillostoes · 17/05/2017 22:39

OP I am sorry that people are being so jusgemental and snotty in their responses. Obviously his attitude and behaviour are a cause for concern, but that is why you re here. Also if the issues with behaviour seem to be manifested mainly at school with this particular teacher, it clearly isn't all about your parenting. I am sure that your DS is brilliant in lots of ways, there are just some areas which you both need to work on. People posting unkind things online about a 7 year old they have never met are hardly in a position to talk about maturity or good behaviour.

whirlycurly · 17/05/2017 22:40

We went through a similar phase out of nowhere at the same age. I was equally horrified and spent months clamping right down on ds. I became incredibly strict about any instance of answering back or cheek. He lost pocket money, screen time, whatever it took.

2 years on I have just had the most glowing school report for him. Just this evening I've had a text from the mum of the friend he'd gone to play with after school tonight to say what a pleasure he was to have over, so polite and mature.

So don't despair. I did change his school fwiw, the fresh start and a more positive, stimulating environment worked wonders as well as separating him from the child who had become his partner in crime at school. He didn't replace him with a new one which was my initial fear. He's grown up loads and I'm really proud of him but glad we stamped on the attitude at the time.

TheRealPooTroll · 17/05/2017 22:41

If he's behind and struggles concentrating I wouldn't be surprised if the 'I can already do this', 'I don't want to' and fooling around is deflecting from the fact he's finding the work too hard and doesn't want to lose face asking for help.

Wando1986 · 17/05/2017 22:41

He isn't 'misbehaving'. He is pushing boundaries for a rise because he is bored. He's bored at football so send him to rugby instead. If he's bored in class tell him to stay quiet and listen and to write down bits he maybe doesn't know when the teacher explains things - to ask about them later on, or so he can learn something new or interesting to him at the weekend or of an evening during the week.

Why is the go-to response from so many just to bloody give the poor sods consequences?! If his teacher can't deal with him being 'rude' in class without having to call you in, or accepting maybe she needs to adapt to teach a little different for different pupils then she is just as fucking useless as the next.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/05/2017 22:43

If his teacher can't deal with him being 'rude' in class without having to call you in, or accepting maybe she needs to adapt to teach a little different for different pupils then she is just as fucking useless as the next.

Nice. Hmm

Justmuddlingalong · 17/05/2017 22:45

He's not the teacher's only pupil though. She has a whole class of pupils.

Iloveanimals · 17/05/2017 22:45

At least you've seen that there's a problem and you are asking for advice. Shows that you care enough to want to change it, so don't be harsh on yourself xx