What makes someone like this...ridiculously calm

[gameofthorns]

There's this work colleague that works in my office. She's been here 6 months now. 'm not in love with her (honest) 😂

But I find her fascinating to watch!
She just has very very serene mannerisms and an incredibly calm presence. Her movements are completely soft and seem to just flow! She reminds me of a calm breeze!

I've never met anyone like it before. She's so calm she had a calming effect on others too! I find myself feeling calm in her presence and when she works with distressed angry service users she has managed to turn them all into polite, calm young people within a few meetings with her. If people do get angry with her it's like speaking to a brick wall. She shows NO emotion and quickly people feel bad and apologise to her or make an effort to be normal/nice again. She simply doesn't do conflict. If someone talks badly about her, betrays her or generally does something most people would shout at them for, she literally doesn't react at all. Just continues being friendly to the person and forgets about it.

I've never met someone like this. I've met shy people who are quiet because hey lack confidence. But she doesn't. She is extroverted and chatty. Likes to have a laugh but just has completely and utterly calm mannerisms and way of speaking. It's almost like she is in slow motion!!!

Has you ever met anyone like this? What makes someone like this? Upbringing?

And how on earth do I try and become as calm as this?

It's a lovely personal quality to have.

My parents are like this and so it's very much learnt behaviour. We have all meditated on and off throughout our lives. I do feel things deeply but consider myself level headed and calm. I suspect I might seem like a brick wall in heated moments but i know resolution is better found in calmer moments. I like to hold people in good regard and see positives. Over time (years!) I've have learnt to forgive. Fresh day fresh start!

I've been told that I'm somewhat like that too. As far as I can remember, I've only ever lost my temper twice - both times with this one person whom I was too deeply in love with. Generally though, people's words/actions don't tend to affect me because I don't think what they say/do is relevant to me.

The smiling thing is not always genuine, however. It's just a lot easier to get what you want when people think you like them and see you as part of the group.

I know somebody like this - she's just a really calm, peaceful, patient person. She's a lovely woman - I honestly really like her! - but sometimes I wonder how she stays so calm with my nephews when both myself and their mum are ready to just release them into the wild and see how they get on.

In all honesty - and I know this probably makes me a really horrible, selfish person - she makes me feel like a bad person at times because I am definitely not calm and peaceful and patient all the time. But then I have appalling self-esteem, which probably doesn't help.

I think it helps when you are not afraid to speak up. To stand up for yourself. To not accept shoddy behaviour from others

A lack of serenity is often caused by suppressed frustration and anger at perceived injustices. Open your mouth instead of brushing stuff under the carpet !

People said this about me in my last job
It was Prozac
Now I've made a decision to be a bit more human in my current job because it really took a toll on me, that outward calm, managing micro expressions etc
It's mostly something I did to be seen as ultra professional and it really worked but also turned me into the office agony aunt, while I was secretly panicking they'd find out about my mental health!

I'm more human and on a lower dose in my current job, lol
But I never do office gossip. No interest whatsoever and it just makes working life harder to know stuff

I did make a good friend from the previous job, she was also unflappable, but she mostly medicates with nightly booze, unless of ourselves there's something else she's not telling me....

Oh and tonight's a sleeping pill night for me. Also makes me look calm in the morning.

Ps I don't have a hot temper though. I mean, never, not just because of meds. Can't abide shouting, fussing, flapping so always try to defuse it to save my own nerves.

I'm pretty laid back as a rule. And, as others have said, it's probably because I'm not really bothered what other people think, or what they think of me.

I know I am loved and valued by the people who are important to me...as for all the rest, meh...whatever [shrugs]

I used to be like that. Used to be - a) I'm not in a work environment these days, and b) I've used up all my calm on too many annoying people over the years.

An old manager, at my leaving do, said I was "an oasis of calm in the midst of chaos" 😳 I had NO clue this was how I was viewed. His comments stayed with me as a positive so I guess I became more calm in future jobs. Another phrase that stayed with me was my elegant grandmother telling me, before an interview, "quiet hands and quiet face"'.

One day I was called in urgently to a company I freelanced for, just for a days work - allegedly. Turned out they wanted me to take just one phone call. From an extremely irate customer whom nobody could deal with. I took the call and settled in to do what I do. When it finally finished, I turned around to find the whole office standing behind me, listening and taking notes 😂

Another one, I was running a training course and one guy was a total PiTA, demanding I condense a 2 day class down to two hours because he couldn't be bothered to stay and was very busy and Important. I carefully explained that this wasn't an option, blah blah blah. He pulled the "don't you know who I am?" stunt. Nope, sorry, I have no clue who you are. He told me, I told him - calmly- that meant nothing to me,and I still didn't know who he was apart from someone who was disrupting class. So perhaps he should leave. He stayed. I noticed my boss crying with laughter at the door. He'd sent me to that course on purpose 😄

So, sorry for the long post all about me 😕

I think the calm thing is a combination of not giving a fuck how others see me, not really caring about them, either, having a couple of key phrases whizzing around my brain, being extremely confident in my jobs and my position, and speaking little, but clearly and logically when all around are being twats.

People often say to me I'm very laid back and have a calming aura. Without meaning to sound like a dick, people like being around me.

I always think it's because I was seriously ill as a child, which resulted in me looking weird for most of my primary years. Kids can be cruel. But it taught me to not care what people think of me, not to try too hard, that you can usually win people round by being funny and nice and that I'm kind of special because I've cheated death and won.

I'm always so envious of these kinds of people.

However, in my last appraisal at work, I got called 'calm' and 'unflappable'. I suffer from pretty acute anxiety but have clearly got better at hiding it over the years!! Fake it til you make it and all that...

I care a lot and so it's interesting to read that others don't.

I struggle when I have PMT but go quiet rather then angry.

I had a colleague like that. I always wished I could bottle what she has.

I'm very calming to the kids but when it comes to other adults doing stupid things I get irritated.

I know someone like this....her movements were as you describe. Turns out she was on heavy medication due to a bad back injury.

I met a man at the wilderness festival a few years ago. He made digeridoos for people and helped both my daughters make their own. They still have them. He was so peaceful, so kind and people gravitated to him and his calmness. It was as if he knew the answer to everything yet nothing mattered and all was well. I still think about him often, his name was Mark and his adult son and wife were there too and also seemed happy and lovely.

I work in a secondary school and daily I'm becoming less and less calm because the kids seem to have less and less respect for everyone and everything. They are so spoiled compared to some people in some countries and my frustration is starting to get the better of me.

I want to hear from a calm serene secondary school teacher or support staff member! I'm not sure if they even exist but if they do I need some tips!

I'm fine with people who make complaint about service. Have worked in jobs where I have been able to calm people right down because I can empathise and that's so important in customer service. But I can't abide lack of respect for others, it gives me the rage.

How police officers hold it in when they're getting verbally abused I have no idea.

My brother is like this. Me and my other siblings are fairly laid back but still have a temper to varying degrees.

So I would say it's part upbringing, and a large part genetics/just how a person is.

They're not of this world i tells Ye! their Aliens!

They 'ain't 'uman!

People frequently comment on how "calm" I am. I don't understand it tbh - I'm rarely calm inside!

In my case, it definitely isn't that I don't care what other people think of me. I worry about that far too much. However, I tend not to get that annoyed by trivia, and even if I am angry, I don't really show it. I don't shy away from awkward situations, but I don't like conflict and try to deliver "bad" news in as gentle a way as I can manage.

Is it religion? Have noticed that those with deep faith seem fairly unflappable and unable to lose their temper.

I suspect for quite a few people it is acting.

I teach and in a classroom have a reputation for being very calm - it is an act. In my head I have a very different internal dialogue going on.

At other times I am anything but calm and I do worry a lot about things.

I also don't think that it is necessarily wrong to want others to like you. Whilst confidence and being true to yourself is great I wouldn't want to be someone who just bulldozed through life not caring if they upset others.

I'm sure there are some genuinely lovely people about.

But, the only woman I have ever known to be like this turned out to be an evil person.

She seemed perfect, so calm and charming. Would never get into conflict, always smiling and never angry.

You really felt safe and calm around her.

She was an horrific child abuser. I now believe it was an extremely manipulative and predatory facade.

How can you get to the stage where you don't care what others think about you? I would love to be like that but I'm the opposite , always overthink everything and worry and stress! My EX P was like this, so laid back he was horizontal but it meant he was 100% lazy , he just didn't care. A good friend of mine thought he was on drugs, or was an ex user because of how he was. But he cared about nothing . So passive, (and happy to earn nothing, and leave it all to me).

Actually, thinking about it I do have a good poker face. OP, if you want to appear calm, that's one thing to focus on. Also, I tend to keep still....a lot of workplace anger is expressed in body language and hand gestures (!)

I am not religious btw. I note others have said they don't care what work people think of them....I do in that I want them to see me as professional for references, but I don't care that they like me IYSWIM.