What makes someone like this...ridiculously calm

[gameofthorns]

There's this work colleague that works in my office. She's been here 6 months now. 'm not in love with her (honest) 😂

But I find her fascinating to watch!
She just has very very serene mannerisms and an incredibly calm presence. Her movements are completely soft and seem to just flow! She reminds me of a calm breeze!

I've never met anyone like it before. She's so calm she had a calming effect on others too! I find myself feeling calm in her presence and when she works with distressed angry service users she has managed to turn them all into polite, calm young people within a few meetings with her. If people do get angry with her it's like speaking to a brick wall. She shows NO emotion and quickly people feel bad and apologise to her or make an effort to be normal/nice again. She simply doesn't do conflict. If someone talks badly about her, betrays her or generally does something most people would shout at them for, she literally doesn't react at all. Just continues being friendly to the person and forgets about it.

I've never met someone like this. I've met shy people who are quiet because hey lack confidence. But she doesn't. She is extroverted and chatty. Likes to have a laugh but just has completely and utterly calm mannerisms and way of speaking. It's almost like she is in slow motion!!!



Has you ever met anyone like this? What makes someone like this? Upbringing?

And how on earth do I try and become as calm as this?

It's a lovely personal quality to have.

[Deidre21]

User 148... agree with that.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Chesntoots - I can relate to that.
I get frustrated, irritated and cross quite regularly over really not very serious things - but when something major occurs, I go into "calm and efficient" mode.

DS2 tested this - and actually made me realise that I do this - until he was 4, he had a problem catching his breath when crying (either through pain or anger) - so he'd cry all his breath out and then fail to breathe in, followed by distressed thrashing and passing out. But unlike what everyone tells you, he then did not immediately start to breathe again, oh no - it could take up to a minute for him to breathe again.
He did it at DS1's school once - faceplanted on the concrete path, a little way ahead of me so I couldn't get to him and prevent the passing-out - sure enough, he was out cold and not breathing. I had to lay him down on the floor and, while received info said that he would eventually start to breathe again on his own, I do actually defy anyone to stand and just wait, so I do mouth to mouth and small, short chest compressions just to try and jolt his diaphragm into working, and to increase his blood CO2 levels quicker so that his autonomic nervous system gets the message quicker.

Anyway. It happened to be a school assembly day (they happen weekly in the afternoon) and loads of parents were outside who witnessed all of this - and they were panicking. Shouts of "call an ambulance", "OMG is he dead?" and lots of distress. I didn't though, even though it took a while to bring him round. OK, I'd done it before, but I didn't panic the first time he did it, and I didn't panic any of the subsequent times either, just got on with it.

The more serious the situation, the less likely I am to panic - I guess this is a good thing, really.

[Deejoda]

I tend to have girl crushes on this sort of woman. I am a medic and in life/death situations, people say how calm I was (but internally everything is going a 100ml/hr). Outside of that, I can be quite zen about a lot of things but equally I can get very passionate about perceived injustice. I think I am most zen when I know I can do only so much and the rest is out of my hands (I am religious and spiritual).

MargotLovedTom1

She sounds like Anita, the robot in Humans: "I'm sorry Laura, I don't understand the question," . (I only watched the first series so don't know if Anita morphed into a shrill harpy).

Anita/Mya is amazing after 3rd season. Has quite a human side to her despite being a conscious synth. Definite girl crush material

[Dizzywizz]

People who don't live with me (!) say this sort of thing about me...underneath the surface i am peddling like mad, feeling more stressed than anyone would ever know!

[Smudge100]

You describe her so well. It may be genetic. Or she decided to follow the expression 'fake it till you make it'.

[Carriecakes80]

The ones that truly have this amazing quality are the last to ever realise it, because its so natural....believe me, if you think you have it, you don't. lol

I love people like this, I'm too much of a fire-work, but serene calm happy people are so lovely to be around! x

[Genius46]

In Casablanca, Humphrey Bogart said "problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.” From a cosmological standpoint, Earth and humanity are trivial. If persons dismiss troubles of little persons and focus on what is vital, important or urgent, we could become less trivial. As an ancient saying goes "and this too will pass."
Good living, keep smiling.

[CycleHire]

Is she a quaker? A woman I met at university who was like this was.

[Turbinaria]

I was like this when I was pregnant, I was on my happy cloud and other peoples' behaviour just didn't faze me I literally felt above it all. Went back to normal once baby was born

[CaptainNelson]

My DS had a reception teacher like this. She never ever shouted at the kids, no matter what they did. Just sailed through it smiling sweetly. Then they put her in a Y1 class and she had a nervous breakdown... just saying

[happypoobum]

My eldest sister is like this. She sort of oozes serenity.

Definitely not on drugs

She has this natural poise, grace and elegance and a lovely calm demeanour that charms everyone around her and calms everyone down. She is like valium in human form. I wish I could be more like her, she is amazing.

[SylviaPoe]

Citalopram.

[kateandme]

it funny how some people cant stand to think some are just calm people.they have to have had some abuse or inner anger they are hiding.
there are just perhaps some through and through calm indiviuduals just like there are some through and through dickhead tirant people.
maybe so we can look upon them for inspiration or for help.so we can be kept calm.eeryone personality blances off to keep the next person ok,safe and at ease.
the calm folk are just very beautiful and lucky and at epace with themselves.and this can happen.there doesn't need to be some underhand or undelying issues.some poepl are justtoallly accepting of life and make it as it is and it spread throughout them.and it shines out.
and I'm terribly JELAOUS of them hehe.but equaly want them to hold me tight forever!

[SherbrookeFosterer]

Spy on her lunch box, kindle & club memberships.

That should provide the answer!

[Bibliophile001]

Is she a Buddhist, perhaps?

[StrangeLookingParasite]

It's funny though because he has autism and had a horrendous time in school and they despaired of his meltdowns and violence. I decided to home ed him and within a year he was like he is now and has been ever since.

That's a wonderful result, he sounds lovely.

[Rinkydinkypink]

I think the more life throws at me the more I just don't care. It's not a great solution but I've survived it all so far (although I'm uncertain how I got through most of it!).

I've worked in some horrible jobs where I've seen abuse, neglect even murder and rape and as a result office and business stuff that goes wrong or is gossiped​ about I'm just not interested. I don't like drama anymore. It wears me down too much and I've chosen to sidestep it all!

[erinaceus]

There's a difference between CALM and UNEMOTIONAL. Some people are getting them confused. They're completely different.

To the outside observer, they might present as identical. Therefore, does it matter?

I am so glad that other posters agree that being angry with someone does not equate to disrespecting them.

[Laurendisorder]

I've met a couple of people like this in my lifetime - currently work with one and agree am in awe too. When we talk about said person (how wonderful she is - and so calm all the time - similar to op) I always tell the rest of the team I want to be like this when I grow up!!

[Vrooooom]

People have always commented on how calm I am. I've almost never shouted or raised my voice at anyone other than my kids 😂 I'm not unemotional it's just I often don't care and if I do then I find it more effective to deal with things calmly. My job involved dealing with lots of very angry people - I used to disarm them by being unflappable, polite and calm. I think my soft voice helped too.

I'm constantly shocked at the trivia that other Mumsnetters are 'fuming' 'furious' or 'livid' at. I also seem immune to feeling 'offended' by things either that or I'm really lucky with my friends and family 🤷🏻‍♀️
I'm particularly suprised when Mumsnetters claim to be upset and offended when people they don't actually like or care about are rude to them. I wouldn't give a shit what someone I didn't like thought of me.

[Chesntoots]

On a day to day basis I definitely get frustrated, but when an incident occurs at work it is like a switch has been flipped and I am instantly calm, confident, and able to give instructions and orders with total clarity. It definitely surprised a few people the first time they saw me in that mind state. Others, including family, also think I will get angry about incidents at home ie a broken mug, marks on a wall etc. I don't though, it's not worth worrying about. Sometimes I feel people don't know me at all.

Now if I could only manage being that calm the rest of the time!!

[AceholeRimmer]

She sounds really interesting, I wonder if she is really trying to contain anger/frustration or if she is genuinely like that. I'm described as easygoing and I don't let anyone/anything bother me too much, but I am getting stressed a few times a day at the moment as I'm SAHM to a baby and toddler! I contain it well but I'd rather not feel it at all.. Maybe I need meditation. My current method is pouring a share bag of MnMs in my mouth at random intervals

[BeyondThePage]

Baby steps - substitute "I could use" for "one could use ..." and I would get..." for "You get.." ... "I'm calm" etc..

See how much calmer you start to feel when you take ownership - in any situation.

"what can I do", not "we" for instance has the impression you are in power and in control.

[Vonklump]

I am taking notes by the bucketful. I so want to be this sort of person.
Sadly this would require a total personality transplant, but there are loads of aspects one could use.

You get taken so much more seriously if you're calm.