What makes someone like this...ridiculously calm

[gameofthorns]

There's this work colleague that works in my office. She's been here 6 months now. 'm not in love with her (honest) 😂

But I find her fascinating to watch!
She just has very very serene mannerisms and an incredibly calm presence. Her movements are completely soft and seem to just flow! She reminds me of a calm breeze!

I've never met anyone like it before. She's so calm she had a calming effect on others too! I find myself feeling calm in her presence and when she works with distressed angry service users she has managed to turn them all into polite, calm young people within a few meetings with her. If people do get angry with her it's like speaking to a brick wall. She shows NO emotion and quickly people feel bad and apologise to her or make an effort to be normal/nice again. She simply doesn't do conflict. If someone talks badly about her, betrays her or generally does something most people would shout at them for, she literally doesn't react at all. Just continues being friendly to the person and forgets about it.

I've never met someone like this. I've met shy people who are quiet because hey lack confidence. But she doesn't. She is extroverted and chatty. Likes to have a laugh but just has completely and utterly calm mannerisms and way of speaking. It's almost like she is in slow motion!!!



Has you ever met anyone like this? What makes someone like this? Upbringing?

And how on earth do I try and become as calm as this?

It's a lovely personal quality to have.

[Siwdmae]

Dope?

PMSL!

My DH is like this, he's known as the calm one, he pours oil on troubled waters. All the people he deals with request that he deals with them if two of them turn up. (Repeat custom) I find it very funny. He's like an anchor, totally grounds me, in a nice way and keeps me calm. I have a tendency to overreact and he is very zen.

[YouWhatMate]

How can you get to the stage where you don't care what others think about you?

It's about having confidence in yourself and high self-esteem.

I don't care what people think of me because it's not important. If I'm happy with my life, why does it matter if a person doesn't like me?

[JennyTaylior]

Hah! Definitely not religious (to a PP.)

I don't understand why people worry so much how they're viewed by others, tbh. Why does someone else have to validate you? Be true to yourself, don't try to over impress others, impress yourself instead.

[Rantymare]

I've heard counselling training is 'designed' to make people like this. Could it be that?

[StrangeLookingParasite]

I think it takes a very high level of self-esteem.

Emotional reaction is usually driven by defensiveness; the need to prove to yourself or others that you're "right" and they're "wrong".

I think this is a really relevant comment. (I also resemble that remark, though am improving with age - about time!)

[Tw1nsetAndPearls]

I think there is a difference between endlessly trying to impress ( which is wrong) and the other end of the scale in which you feel like you can say whatever you want to whoever because you don't care if they think you are unpleasant. There are some people who seem to take pride in "saying it how it is because I don't care if people think I am wrong" - the Katie Hopkins type. They are not saying it how it is, they are just being unpleasant.

There is of course a middle ground between the two which most of us achieve .

[DustyMaiden]

I don't ever get angry with anyone, my family tell me I am not normal. I think it's partly having had severe trauma which means that every day problems just don't seem important.

[MargotLovedTom1]

She sounds like Anita, the robot in Humans: "I'm sorry Laura, I don't understand the question," . (I only watched the first series so don't know if Anita morphed into a shrill harpy).

I don't know if I'm all that comfortable around mega calm people. I like it when people show their human side; get a bit frustrated, make a few sarky comments, maybe throw in a light "For fuck's sake!". Makes them seem more relatable somehow. Obviously I can see this is not a good idea when dealing with potentially erratic service users!

[Ipigglemustdie]

I was gonna say drugs too. Yeah drugs

[MargotLovedTom1]

My first thought was Valium, I have to admit .

[GreyVelvet]

I'm like this except in times of extreme stress!
Apart from that I'm just not bothered. Things don't matter in the grand scheme of things

[MarilynWhirlwindRocks]

Westray,
"I don't do anger..."

Eh?
Never?

Does that include anger on behalf of someone else more vulnerable, though: surely you get white-hot, automatic, anger at, say, somebody causing a young child suffering?

Or do you mean you've trained yourself to disengage from anger before it even registers/ you don't allow it to manifest itself outwardly? (That's probably what I need to keep working on...)

I'm rarely prone to anger regarding myself, but there are certain flashpoints that are guaranteed to rile me every time.

I can understand aspiring to/ choosing to channel angry emotions and feelings positively instead of negatively.
Do try hard, but all still a bit of a work-in-progress for me.

Perhaps, too often, most of us find ourselves being required to suppress anger rather than being taught better techniques for dealing with it?

But, redirected healthily, can't it be a huge force for good (motivation/ fighting spirit against injustices etc.)?

I'm truly intrigued, and would love to hear more detail from you and PPs who've mastered it better than I've ever managed!

[beingsunny]

Laws of attraction

[beingsunny]

Or she could come in one day and burn the place down

[Italiangreyhound]

gameofthorns can you ask her what makes her so serene, I would love to know.

[Goldfishjane]

She's unlikely to tell the truth if it's drugs, legal or illegal.
Also she won't want to say "it's because I dont give a rat's ass".

[Sneakerhead]

MarilynWhirlwindRocks This might sound horrible, but for some reason I find it almost impossible to be angry on someone else's behalf, no matter the situation. It's just something that doesn't come naturally I suppose?

[KizzyKat91]

I knew a girl at school who was like this. Always weirdly calm, never really showed any emotion, and never had a bad thing to say about anyone or anything. She was incapable of criticising - even in a constructive way! She was popular, but I found her manner very odd and she creeped me out.

She was a devout Christian and lived alone with her mother. Her father had left when she was a baby. As soon as she turned 18, her mother moved to Africa to become a missionary and left this girl to fend for herself. She went to uni and sadly got preyed on by a much older man who got her involved in some kind of cult and persuaded her to marry him.

All of her friends back home tried to stage an intervention, but she's cut all contact.

So yeah, I'm sure your work colleague is perfectly normal, but I can't help but be very concerned and suspicious when I meet people like this!

[badabing36]

My mum is like this and she's lovely, but the downside is she has an almost pathological tendency to rose-tint and downplay bad things.

If someone is in the hospital it's 'not serious or anything'-Why the hell are they in the hospital then?

She tells me she never got bored raising 4 kids with very little help from my dad . Of course he was 'quite good really' and 'always played with you'.

There are other examples which are sadder that I won't go into, but as I get older my mum's calm seems to fill me with rage and frustration.

I am quite often told I'm laid back-ha!

[LightYears]

Old soul.

[Bloomed]

I have a friend like this. Very calm but does have a tendency to downplay things even quite horrific things which have happened to others.

[KoalaDownUnder]

My mum is like this. She has the best personality of anyone I've ever met. I've never seen her angry with anyone. She is also deeply religious.

Unfortunately, I inherited my dad's personality.

[FairyDogMother11]

People always say I'm a really happy, calm person and they like being around me. I don't really know what it is, but I like other people being happy and I've found the best way to cheer people up and keep people smiling/chilled out is to make sure I'm not easily fazed and keep a smile on my face. I do a lot of that "fake it till you make it" my shifts at work usually run really smoothly and people do tend to work better if I'm the one managing people.

[KoalaDownUnder]

I will never show any outward anger. Because I don't have any. I have never felt angry in my life.

See, I literally don't understand this. You've never felt angry in your life?! I'm not criticising or doubting you; in fact, I'm quite envious. But how is that the case?

I feel anger about many things. Animal cruelty and neglect, child abuse, injustice, greed, people living in abject poverty..,the list goes on. I would like to learn not to express my anger in non-constructive ways, but I can't help feeling it, any more than I can help feeling sad or happy or afraid.

[BeaderBird]

This is often said about me (the calm, weirdly non stressed under pressure, unemotional when faced with angry people etc) however, 8 do not have poise and elegance.

For me, it was spending 5 years in an abusive relationship. His behaviour taught me not to react and to do everything I could to remain in control of my emotions. It also made me an incredible negotiator. So, he ruined a good portion of my life but I have an awful lot to be thankful for because I'm where I am professionally because of my people/management skills.