What makes someone like this...ridiculously calm

[gameofthorns]

There's this work colleague that works in my office. She's been here 6 months now. 'm not in love with her (honest) 😂

But I find her fascinating to watch!
She just has very very serene mannerisms and an incredibly calm presence. Her movements are completely soft and seem to just flow! She reminds me of a calm breeze!

I've never met anyone like it before. She's so calm she had a calming effect on others too! I find myself feeling calm in her presence and when she works with distressed angry service users she has managed to turn them all into polite, calm young people within a few meetings with her. If people do get angry with her it's like speaking to a brick wall. She shows NO emotion and quickly people feel bad and apologise to her or make an effort to be normal/nice again. She simply doesn't do conflict. If someone talks badly about her, betrays her or generally does something most people would shout at them for, she literally doesn't react at all. Just continues being friendly to the person and forgets about it.

I've never met someone like this. I've met shy people who are quiet because hey lack confidence. But she doesn't. She is extroverted and chatty. Likes to have a laugh but just has completely and utterly calm mannerisms and way of speaking. It's almost like she is in slow motion!!!



Has you ever met anyone like this? What makes someone like this? Upbringing?

And how on earth do I try and become as calm as this?

It's a lovely personal quality to have.

[Tw1nsetAndPearls]

I think for some people the calm thing is a learned response to neglect or abuse. I am stressing only some.

My husband was calm in the following situations ( whilst I was flapping - neither was the right response)

1. Miscarriage
2. Finding out a pregnancy was high risk
3. Finding out his wife had cancer

At the time I wanted him to have a emotional response, I didn't need him to be calm - not initially and it has caused tension.

[Tw1nsetAndPearls]

I suspect that if you asked my husband he would say that he wished I was calmer.

[grasspigeons]

I am constantly being told how calm I am (less so since children) It comes up in appraisal etc but I don't have floaty calm movements. I might start trying to though for a laugh.
I'm not calm but I panic quietly. I also have this idea that if I act calm the feeling might follow and the horrid panic feeling might go.

[gameofthorns]

There's a difference between CALM and UNEMOTIONAL. Some people are getting them confused. They're completely different.

[MsGameandWatch]

My son is like this. He's 14 and the most laid back gentle person you'd ever meet. When I feel stressed or anxious I talk to him or hug him and he pats me gently on the arm or back until I feel better. I had a tooth out a few months ago and he came to the dentist with me. It wasn't going well, I had a bad reaction to the adrenaline in the anaesthetic. I kept thinking of him sat out in the waiting room and that calmed me down and then I asked them to get him, he came and sat with me and held my hand and I was fine then. It's a gift to be like that I think. It's funny though because he has autism and had a horrendous time in school and they despaired of his meltdowns and violence. I decided to home ed him and within a year he was like he is now and has been ever since.

[Tw1nsetAndPearls]

I think being ridiculously calm can be linked with not showing much emotion. Doesn't bave to be of course. My husband is ridiculously calm because he doesn't really do emotion

[badabing36]

Oh he sounds lovely MsGameandWatch

[redexpat]

I knew a bloke at uni who just had this aura of calm around him. Never met anyone æike him since.

[BeyondThePage]

my daughter dislocated her kneecap and twisted her ankle and shoulder, fell on the floor and could not get up.

DH ran in flap,flap, flap OMG what can we do, I'll lift you up, lets get some frozen peas on it, which one, arghhh, help what should we do.

Me - "where does it hurt honey?", "can you move?", "no?" - "I'll call an ambulance", "let's get some pain relief in you" (ambulance centre said so). "DH -go to end of road and watch for ambulance", (got him and his panic out of the way doing a valuable job) - got bag ready with water, entertainment, money, flat slip on shoes for DD (for after), phone, portable charger block, jumpers for me and DD. Sat on floor and soothed DD til ambulance came.

Good job we are both different.

[BeyondThePage]

oh - and I was emotional - inside.

[Tw1nsetAndPearls]

My DH had that exact calm approach when I gave birth @BeyondThePage which at the time was just what I needed. Although his calm approach also irritated me at times when I was dealing with the cancer it has also helped me feel grounded. He is also great at listening carefully to what we are being told and then asking the right questions and taking fully on board the answers.

He is a great person in a crisis although he can also come across as cold ( which he isn't).

[Vonklump]

I am taking notes by the bucketful. I so want to be this sort of person.
Sadly this would require a total personality transplant, but there are loads of aspects one could use.

You get taken so much more seriously if you're calm.

[BeyondThePage]

Baby steps - substitute "I could use" for "one could use ..." and I would get..." for "You get.." ... "I'm calm" etc..

See how much calmer you start to feel when you take ownership - in any situation.

"what can I do", not "we" for instance has the impression you are in power and in control.

[AceholeRimmer]

She sounds really interesting, I wonder if she is really trying to contain anger/frustration or if she is genuinely like that. I'm described as easygoing and I don't let anyone/anything bother me too much, but I am getting stressed a few times a day at the moment as I'm SAHM to a baby and toddler! I contain it well but I'd rather not feel it at all.. Maybe I need meditation. My current method is pouring a share bag of MnMs in my mouth at random intervals

[Chesntoots]

On a day to day basis I definitely get frustrated, but when an incident occurs at work it is like a switch has been flipped and I am instantly calm, confident, and able to give instructions and orders with total clarity. It definitely surprised a few people the first time they saw me in that mind state. Others, including family, also think I will get angry about incidents at home ie a broken mug, marks on a wall etc. I don't though, it's not worth worrying about. Sometimes I feel people don't know me at all.

Now if I could only manage being that calm the rest of the time!!

[Vrooooom]

People have always commented on how calm I am. I've almost never shouted or raised my voice at anyone other than my kids 😂 I'm not unemotional it's just I often don't care and if I do then I find it more effective to deal with things calmly. My job involved dealing with lots of very angry people - I used to disarm them by being unflappable, polite and calm. I think my soft voice helped too.

I'm constantly shocked at the trivia that other Mumsnetters are 'fuming' 'furious' or 'livid' at. I also seem immune to feeling 'offended' by things either that or I'm really lucky with my friends and family 🤷🏻‍♀️
I'm particularly suprised when Mumsnetters claim to be upset and offended when people they don't actually like or care about are rude to them. I wouldn't give a shit what someone I didn't like thought of me.

[Laurendisorder]

I've met a couple of people like this in my lifetime - currently work with one and agree am in awe too. When we talk about said person (how wonderful she is - and so calm all the time - similar to op) I always tell the rest of the team I want to be like this when I grow up!!

[erinaceus]

There's a difference between CALM and UNEMOTIONAL. Some people are getting them confused. They're completely different.

To the outside observer, they might present as identical. Therefore, does it matter?

I am so glad that other posters agree that being angry with someone does not equate to disrespecting them.

[Rinkydinkypink]

I think the more life throws at me the more I just don't care. It's not a great solution but I've survived it all so far (although I'm uncertain how I got through most of it!).

I've worked in some horrible jobs where I've seen abuse, neglect even murder and rape and as a result office and business stuff that goes wrong or is gossiped​ about I'm just not interested. I don't like drama anymore. It wears me down too much and I've chosen to sidestep it all!

[StrangeLookingParasite]

It's funny though because he has autism and had a horrendous time in school and they despaired of his meltdowns and violence. I decided to home ed him and within a year he was like he is now and has been ever since.

That's a wonderful result, he sounds lovely.

[Bibliophile001]

Is she a Buddhist, perhaps?

[SherbrookeFosterer]

Spy on her lunch box, kindle & club memberships.

That should provide the answer!

[kateandme]

it funny how some people cant stand to think some are just calm people.they have to have had some abuse or inner anger they are hiding.
there are just perhaps some through and through calm indiviuduals just like there are some through and through dickhead tirant people.
maybe so we can look upon them for inspiration or for help.so we can be kept calm.eeryone personality blances off to keep the next person ok,safe and at ease.
the calm folk are just very beautiful and lucky and at epace with themselves.and this can happen.there doesn't need to be some underhand or undelying issues.some poepl are justtoallly accepting of life and make it as it is and it spread throughout them.and it shines out.
and I'm terribly JELAOUS of them hehe.but equaly want them to hold me tight forever!

[SylviaPoe]

Citalopram.