What makes someone like this...ridiculously calm

[gameofthorns]

There's this work colleague that works in my office. She's been here 6 months now. 'm not in love with her (honest) 😂

But I find her fascinating to watch!
She just has very very serene mannerisms and an incredibly calm presence. Her movements are completely soft and seem to just flow! She reminds me of a calm breeze!

I've never met anyone like it before. She's so calm she had a calming effect on others too! I find myself feeling calm in her presence and when she works with distressed angry service users she has managed to turn them all into polite, calm young people within a few meetings with her. If people do get angry with her it's like speaking to a brick wall. She shows NO emotion and quickly people feel bad and apologise to her or make an effort to be normal/nice again. She simply doesn't do conflict. If someone talks badly about her, betrays her or generally does something most people would shout at them for, she literally doesn't react at all. Just continues being friendly to the person and forgets about it.

I've never met someone like this. I've met shy people who are quiet because hey lack confidence. But she doesn't. She is extroverted and chatty. Likes to have a laugh but just has completely and utterly calm mannerisms and way of speaking. It's almost like she is in slow motion!!!

Has you ever met anyone like this? What makes someone like this? Upbringing?

And how on earth do I try and become as calm as this?

It's a lovely personal quality to have.

I knew a lovely German Hare Krishna who used to sell delicious homemade Indian food at the Saturday market in Galway (maybe he still does), and projected this extraordinary serene calm. He used to have huge queues, in often terrible weather, in a flimsy little trailer, but honestly, I always felt the better for even the most fleeting contact with him. He gave off the vibes of someone who was leading exactly the kind of life that suited him.

Ooh Westray, if you are a bit like that how do I become more like you?!

Mindfullness? Meditation? High self esteem? Yoga? Chocolate? Please find out I'd like to know. I worked with someone once who was the total opposite to this. It was almost painful to watch them go about their day, the slightest thing could result in the most extreme reaction.

I'd love to be a white witch.

Gillian Anderson in the Fall OP? Serene Stella.

I am a witch and I do yoga.
Not sure if that helps.

My yoga teacher is like this. Mindfulness I reckon. I try but my mind is a thug

I've met people like that too Op & often wonder how the do it.

Ah yes. She doesn't give two hoots what anyone thinks about her. When people tell her things others have been saying about her she says she feels only pity for the gossips. But she's never going to care what others think of her.

Actually I'm like that. Which I'm proud of. I don't have that poise though! [grin}

Yes Westray please share any serene tips with us!

I do yoga, but I haven't quite got to the mindful serenity yet. Or being a witch. I'm working up to it though

They could be legal drugs. I take a prescribed medication that makes me appear outwardly very calm.

I think it takes a very high level of self-esteem.

Emotional reaction is usually driven by defensiveness; the need to prove to yourself or others that you're "right" and they're "wrong".

If you don't make being right or wrong mean anything about yourself (ie, you don't think you're more valuable/a better person when you're right), then you won't be bothered by other people behaving in an emotional way towards you.

You understand that their behaviour is about their own need to prove themselves "right" and you "wrong", and is not really about you or your value.

Disclaimer: Am terrible about putting this advice into practice personally. I do know someone who is like this, and the interesting thing I've noticed is that her calmness initially makes more aggravated people even more aggravated and provocative, like they MUST get a reaction out of her. When they realise she can't be provoked, it takes all the wind out of their sails.

I worked with a woman like that. Every day for 3 years she barely reacted to children, staff or parents (we worked in a school setting). She was calm when people screamed in her face and didn't even react to a child throwing a chair at her.

Then one day someone used her cup... By jeez she just went mental! 3 years worth of annoyance all poured out in one go!

I bet she wouldn't come on and get all scrappy in debates on MN either OP? Far too poised and full of inner calm. I need to aspire to this!

When Helen Mirren played the Queen, she reportedly imagined a glass door between her and whoever she was talking to - to emulate the Queen's serenity.

She's probably doing that thing I've read about on here where a person writes out "fuck off cunt" on the back of their teeth with their tongue.

I always get told how calm I am.

I do a lot of yoga and body balance so I guess that helps.

Underlying though is my feeling that nothing actually matters that much to make a big fuss about. Things generally sort themselves out and what will be will be whether you stress about it or not.

I genuinely don't care about trivial things.

Makes me really bad at small talk though....

It's something people say to me a lot. "You're so calm." I might act calm but secretly I'm screaming on the inside. Maybe this woman is as good an actress as I am. Or maybe she's high? I have considered that option....

I've always been described as calm. I have a naturally serene manner, which every Manager I've ever had has commented on.My serenity basically comes from not caring what others think of me.

I don't care if people back stab me, shout in my face, lie about me, gossip about me. I don't care. I only care about what I'm having for dinner. The day you stop caring what others think of you and have true confidence in yourself. The world becomes a calm and serene place.

I feel sad as I'm currently unemployed. But that is different. I can feel sadness and even stress. But I will never ever do conflict. I will never show any outward anger. Because I don't have any. I have never felt angry in my life.

People often comment that I'm very "laid back" and "let everything go over my head"

Yet Im not! I'm like a swan. Gracefully holding my head above the water, but frantically kicking and swimming underneath!

She goes home & sticks massive pins in voodoo dolls of all her work colleagues...

Could be:

temperament

upbringing (a lady never gives way in public, dear)

having dealt with or still dealing with some seriously tough shit- knowing that I have to stay calm has made a big difference to the way I deal with things

beta blockers is actually a possibility- they've made a difference to me