To not want three or more people stepping into my house?

[GrumpyPotato]

My family have been pestering me for ages trying to get me to schedule a dinner party at my place.

My problem though, is that I feel like their presence will "ruin" my house. Currently, I can honestly say that this place is as perfect as a house can be. Everything is spotless and in the "default" position as placed by my interior designer, there are no scratch marks on glasses or metal surfaces, all my kitchenware are nicely polished, books that have crumpled pages have all been thrown away etc.

I can handle a single visitor at any one time due to ease of monitoring purposes. But a whole group? No way.

AIBU to suggest we host it somewhere else instead? A nice restaurant perhaps?

So if we're not to give opinions and our thoughts of 'advice' why does MN exist?
OP did ask....

I used to be that "keep my phone as pristine as if it was fresh out the box" although I'm getting better at it, that side of me keeps rearing its ugly head every once in a while

You should go to your gp.

Unless your family are the sort who rock up in filthy overalls and muddy boots, get pissed and spill stuff everywhere, have food fights and stub fags out on the carpet, this is deeply sad.

How do you cope when you have to have workmen in? Atm, my neighbour is having an extension built. There has been sawdust and all sorts all over the drive, getting in the open windows and generally coating everything in sight in dust. My response to this is not to even think about doing any cleaning (well, apart from sinks, cooker, lav etc) until it's all finished. I can't imagine how such an event would affect you.

You're not being unreasonable, OP, but I think you would be much happier if you could find a way to relax about the state of your house.

OP, it must be so hard being you....

'Monitoring purposes'!

If you see someone in danger even if they don't believe they are in danger the least you can do is warn them.
Atm as far as the op is concerned there is nothing wrong (although she must have a little unease if she is posting on here)
We are just giving our opinion that
the op if she continues down this path is heading for a bleak life if she is placing more importance on keeping inanimate objects looking new than nurturing friendships or family.

We are just giving our opinion that the op if she continues down this path is heading for a bleak life if she is placing more importance on keeping inanimate objects looking new than nurturing friendships or family.

Some are, yes, but some responses are insulting and abusive.

YANBU to not host a dinner party at yours if you dont feel comfortable. I have seen some lovely show homes complete with 'personal' touches like books, candles, scarf draped on a chair...I even put in an offer on a show house that seemed tailored to my tastes. Bear in mind OP probably gave the interior decorator a detailed brief on how she likes things. I understand liking things just so and I could spend two days entirely alone at home with my books without feeling lonely.

But it does sound like you could do with learning to handle the anxiety of imperfections somewhat. CBT may be appropriate here. Books are there to be read and doing so will crease the spine and lose its crispness. People cannot be 100% comfortable in your home if you are 'monitoring' 1-to-1. Either you learn to relax and put everything back as you like it when they are gone or stop inviting people over. Do what makes you happy and lets you live a full life (if your anxiety gets in the way of your enjoyment of life, then you should seek help).

(if your anxiety gets in the way of your enjoyment of life, then you should seek help)

This is definitely the best answer. It's all about you, and there's nothing wrong with that. If you are happy with how things are, then don't let anyone else make out you're in the wrong and need help. However, if you feel that something is missing or that's you're not happy, then definitely start the process of getting counselling etc. But don't let anyone bully you, abuse you, insult you or make you feel weird if you're happy with how you're living your life - it's quite frankly no-one else's business.

Well, it has got in the way of her enjoyment of life.

And it is entirely valid to point out that living in that sort of way is not entirely good for mental health and general wellbeing. When you've got to the point of needing to 'monitor' visitors, it isn't very good for you.

Someone with an eating disorder can be perfectly happy, but it's not entirely good for them either. So can hoarders.

My first post on this thread said what was weird was the OP even needed to ask. I now find it more disconcerting that other people are agreeing it's fine.

Don't invite people to your house if you don't want no-one should put pressure won a you tout agree with others that it is not usual to feel like this and you may want to speak to a doctor about it. It's nice having family and friends round and a bit of mess can be tidied up after they have left.

Gosh, this thread reminds me of a story I was told once by an upmarket kitchen fitter. His firm tore out a, (beautiful, and perfectly fine), kitchen in a newly purchased house in Belgravia. They then fitted a new one at a cost of just over £200k, (I shit you not, house was worth £25m).
A year later he returned to do a check up on the kitchen, make sure it was all still working correctly. He was shown in by a member of staff. The kitchen was totally untouched, oven and hob gleaming, fridge and freezer switched on but empty apart from ice cubes. Mystified, he turned to the lady who'd shown him in and asked if the owners were enjoying the kitchen. "Oh, they don't use it," she replied. "Madam just likes it to look nice for visitors."

I actually found it quite sad, the idea of this beautifully appointed kitchen just sitting there, yearning for someone to come and cook a big meal, or make a coffee, or something. A kitchen for decorative purposes only is something I couldn't quite compute.

A kitchen for decorative purposes only is something I couldn't quite compute

Some people know the price of everything but the value of nothing.

"Oh, they don't use it," she replied. "Madam just likes it to look nice for visitors."

But she was having visitors

OP - its ok if you don't want people over - its your house, so your rules.

I think what most people are saying is - it does sound (potentially) that you might have some socialisation issue - it doesn't sound too normal.

We have a friend who is a little bit like you - he's a bloke though. House perfect etc, no kids, we've been round once. See him over at ours a lot more (we have two kids and two dogs so place is a complete tip most days) he convinced us he was happy to live like he was then etc etc. Fast-forward to now - he doesn't seem as happy and its too late (in his opinion)to change. He is set in his ways.

Good luck OP.

We also have a relative who lives alone. Spent lots of Tim with his parents and had the idea that when they eventually died he would still have his sibling. His sibling died first.
Very very sad