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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want three or more people stepping into my house?

217 replies

GrumpyPotato · 12/05/2017 03:44

My family have been pestering me for ages trying to get me to schedule a dinner party at my place.

My problem though, is that I feel like their presence will "ruin" my house. Currently, I can honestly say that this place is as perfect as a house can be. Everything is spotless and in the "default" position as placed by my interior designer, there are no scratch marks on glasses or metal surfaces, all my kitchenware are nicely polished, books that have crumpled pages have all been thrown away etc.

I can handle a single visitor at any one time due to ease of monitoring purposes. But a whole group? No way.

AIBU to suggest we host it somewhere else instead? A nice restaurant perhaps?

OP posts:
LaLegue · 12/05/2017 10:24

I don't think the OP needs to be advised about therapy so long as she is perfectly happy with her life and he fact that others will find her uptight, insular and a bit weird. And it seems that she is. So no one loses. She doesn't have much social life but she doesn't want one so it's all good.

Bluntness100 · 12/05/2017 10:25

It's weird because if someone said to me my house looks like a show home I'd think it was an insult. It mean unlived in and for show only.

The best compliment I got was " God, I love your home, it's not just the house, it's everything in it, I'd love to live here"

That for me is a lovely compliment. Not "your house looks like a show home".

motherinferior · 12/05/2017 10:26

I think what's extraordinary is that you even have to ask.

Mind you my house - clean, thanks to our fabulous cleaner but distinctly lived-in and crammed with books many purchased second-hand - would give you conniptions. It would give quite a lot of MNers conniptions.

GloGirl · 12/05/2017 10:26

Thing is, it's normal in this life to want to share your nice things - not give them away but to show other people you love what makes you happy.

It's also not typical to have such a limit on visitors. One is ok, 2 you can't keep your eys on them. That's not an average response to having house guests or wondering if you can accommodate 4 house guests. Normal people would think - does the house look ok? Can I cook something nice for us all? Do I have enough chairs? The consideration is not really "What if people touch my nice things"

People might touch, or move something. As long as they are not the type to come in and start a fight your reasoning is unusual.

It's nice to have a nice house, and it's ok to keep it private but are you sure you're ok?

FizzyGreenWater · 12/05/2017 10:28

LOL at not being a 'fan' of life in the house Grin

OP can you have them shrink wrapped in plastic in advance of the visit perhaps?

Sorry.

GoatsFeet · 12/05/2017 10:29

that's probably the greatest compliment I can get with regards to this

oof! So you have no taste or personality of your own - you had to buy someone else's. That's really really sad ...

Addley · 12/05/2017 10:31

coming home to stroke your box

…
…
…

😂

user18349332 · 12/05/2017 10:34

It's up to you of course if you put material things before people.

Just be sure you will be happy being alone.

Watch the movie "Harriet Craig" about a woman so obsessed with her beautiful home that she drives everyone off - even her husband. In the end, she is left alone in her beautiful home, with no-one to mess it up for her.

samG76 · 12/05/2017 10:34

I think there's an element of societal norms. DCs love it when someone knocks on the door unexpectedly, and we often have 10-15 invited and uninvited guests at a weekend. But I've spent time in countries where this would be considered totally out of order. In Japan I understand that for space reasons it is rare to invite guests, while in Austria you virtually need an embossed invitation to visit anyone, and OP's attitude would fit in quite nicely.

MariafromMalmo · 12/05/2017 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 12/05/2017 10:37

Isn't the whole point of a show home that it's bland, neutral and completely devoid of any signs of personal taste?
No photographs, books, music, artwork; no signs of anybody actually living there?

Why would you want to live in an environment that looks like you move through it like a ghost leaving no trace of yourself to show you were ever there?

paxillin · 12/05/2017 10:39

I can handle a single visitor at any one time due to ease of monitoring purposes.

And they are pestering you for more? Maybe it is extremely intense for one visitor to be "monitored" so they thought it's easier if there are several of them. Nobody over the age of 6 needs monitoring, how utterly patronising.

Bluntness100 · 12/05/2017 10:40

Op, what do you consider a home is for, if you don't like having "life" in it? What's driven you to not want to have friends? I'm guessing you're single too?

it's such an insular and isolated way to live. With only your pristine "stuff"to keep you company. Are you really happy with this ? Is there something in your past that's driven you to be so materialistic you value possessions only and discard people?

Floggingmolly · 12/05/2017 10:40

Maybe op knows lots of people who'd nick the teaspoons as soon as look at you.

Bubblesagain · 12/05/2017 10:40

We never have anyone around as this is our safe place, but we have piles of messy books, pets, junk everywhere, clean but unorganised, so I'm only half with you op Grin do what makes you happy

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 12/05/2017 10:40

YABU and precious. Confused

Badbadbunny · 12/05/2017 10:43

The OP is clearly happy not to have people round. What's wrong with that? I'm sure she knows that it may put people off and risk friend/family relationships. If she's OK with that, just what is the problem?

Of course, if she expects to be invited to other people's houses for meals/parties, etc., but won't reciprocate, then that is indeed a problem.

I'm sure it will come as a massive shock to the "socialites", but some people (more than you't think) don't need to be constantly socialising - some people are actually happen being left alone or just on a 1-2-1 basis.

To suggest the OP needs "help" is quite insulting to her.

Bluntness100 · 12/05/2017 10:43

We never have anyone around as this is our safe place

But why do you feel it becomes unsafe if you have friends or family round?

Floggingmolly · 12/05/2017 10:43

What's with all this home is a safe space thing? What is so scary about the outside world?

samG76 · 12/05/2017 10:47

We know someone who has spent loads to turn their spare bedroom into a completely unnecessary office (they already have one) just so that no-one can ask to stay over. They do have social anxiety and I think they should have put the cash towards some therapy.

Bubblesagain · 12/05/2017 10:51

What is so scary about the outside world?
It's full of twats. We have disabilities and the set up of our house, full of
what we like, where we don't have to pretend to fit in, makes it our safe place from the world.
Different people like different things. We don't like people around. The thought of people around doesn't make me happy, so would be silly to do it just to fit in with societies view of what I should do.

Oliversmumsarmy · 12/05/2017 10:52

There is a line between not being a people person and living a solitary existence. Are you fine with living with no one to speak to ever.

Are you ok at going to other peoples homes from time to time but not recpricating the invite. Have you ever thought other people might not want the effort of doing dinner parties either.

I notice you call your place a house not a home
Houses are just bricks and mortar and stuff you buy from shops.

Ifailed · 12/05/2017 10:53

To answer OPs original question without trying to conduct a therapy session over the internet, no I don't think YABU to suggest a restaurant.

However, if this continues and you often go to theirs but they always have to go to a restaurant when it's your turn, beware that some may feel short-changed. I would rather go to someone's home to have a relaxing meal, than endure all the faux pomposity of a restaurant, knowing someone is watching you and asking questions about whether you are enjoying your meal, topping up your glass, tutting if you use the melon fork when the fondue fork is the correct one etc.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 12/05/2017 10:54

Flogging I lived in hostels for 3.5 months, for a month of that I slept in a dorm with no privacy except in the bathroom. When I got my flat, nobody visited for months because it was my sanctuary. I'm OK now, after 10 years, I even live with my DH and DC! ShockWink

Morphene · 12/05/2017 10:58

why are people so absolutely certain that everyone should have the same priorities as them, and the same way of attending to those priorities.

The OP has already said she spends time with family, friends and work colleagues. She just doesn't do it the way you would. That really REALLY doesn't make her wrong.

She is also being simultaneously lambasted for having no personality, and for having so much that people can't even wrap their heads around how different her approach to life is!

lose lose OP, but that's what you get for not being average.

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