To not want three or more people stepping into my house?

[GrumpyPotato]

My family have been pestering me for ages trying to get me to schedule a dinner party at my place.

My problem though, is that I feel like their presence will "ruin" my house. Currently, I can honestly say that this place is as perfect as a house can be. Everything is spotless and in the "default" position as placed by my interior designer, there are no scratch marks on glasses or metal surfaces, all my kitchenware are nicely polished, books that have crumpled pages have all been thrown away etc.

I can handle a single visitor at any one time due to ease of monitoring purposes. But a whole group? No way.

AIBU to suggest we host it somewhere else instead? A nice restaurant perhaps?

There is a line between not being a people person and living a solitary existence. Are you fine with living with no one to speak to ever.

It wouldn't bother me at all. Horses for courses. I could live quite happily without having to "entertain" people at home, and likewise I'd be happy not to expect other people to "entertain" me at their home. Nor does "living a solitary existence" fill me with dread either.

Some people need to be around other people all or most of the time. That's fine, I respect that in them. Others, such as myself, just aren't, and I wish that other people would respect that too, and not insult me by suggesting I need help just because I'm not like them!

100% with you OP. Nothing wrong with you wanting your house how you want it to look.
All my friends jest with me at how my home is like a "show home" and for me it's a huge compliment. Nothing nicer than stepping in and seeing a beautiful clean tidy home.
My kids love it too.

No, what she actually said was I have plenty of colleagues/acquaintances at work/post work dinners to talk to, and I'm not fussed if I don't have any friends or people to be around outside of that
That doesn't sound remotely like a full, rich life to me.

Is that you, Mum?

flogging I was just about to say that. The OP has been very specific.
OP has family, acquaintances and colleagues. No friends.
I can't imagine why

Funnily enough whenever I have had guests they didn't go around moving things or scratching them or wiping dirty fingers all over things.

Do you not plan on using your stuff? Never using your kitchen?

Nobody ever had on their gravestone "kept thier house pristine'

Houses are for living in then they become homes. Otherwise they are just a box with stuff in them.

Would you rather reach the end of your life saying "My house was always immaculate" or "I had loads of friends and it was fun"?

I think a lot about a meeting I went to where a politician spoke. In answer to a question he said, 'All of us are only an accident away from dependence on others.'

So it might be possible for someone to be successful professionally and do a little business socialising on neutral territory.

But if a crisis occurs - meaning it's necessary to stop working for a while and stay at home - the inability to allow others over the threshold could become very disabling.

I think this is the poster whose family are worried that she has no friends or social life? If so, she definitely needs therapy.

Anyone else feeling sorry for those poor books with crumpled pages, not their fault, they didn't ask to be chosen and read, but I am now looking severely at the books on my shelf and giving them notice that this is what happens to books who get uppity and don't know their place.

It is not insulting, or a mindless insistence on being 'average' to suggest that someone so obsessed with the state of their house that they can't let people over the threshold unless they can 'monitor' them might benefit from a bit of help as to why they feel this way.

Most of us like some privacy. Most of us like a bit of time to ourselves. When it's got to the point where you are upset by someone else coming in, I think you've got it all out of proportion.

MN is full of people who don't like other people much, though. Sometimes also complaining that they don't have any friends.

I hate the idea of throwing books away anyway. Why not at least give them to a charity shop?

Hate to break it to people but charity shops often dump tatty books anyway.

In answer to a question he said, 'All of us are only an accident away from dependence on others

Too true, ElinorRigby (apt username for this thread!)

It makes me think of this awful story:-

www.theguardian.com/film/2011/oct/09/joyce-vincent-death-mystery-documentary

This woman in her 30s lay dead in her flat with the TV still going for three years before she was discovered.

She was smart, beautiful and kind according to friends who were contacted after her death. They were shocked at how she ended up. There was a movie made about her life - what was known of it. It's free on Amazon Prime at the moment.

She compartmentalised her life to the extent that no-one knew where she lived or anything much about her.

Charity shops don't dump slightly foxed books, or ones not in mint condition. I know whereof I speak.

Is this really how you want to live your life OP?

You say you're fine, but it just sounds incredibly lonely.

Do you ever look at couples and families and wish you had what they have? If so it might be worth getting some therapy to address what the obsession with perfection in your house is all about, and why you find it so hard to cope with people on your space.

It indicates a high level of anxiety and discomfort. You may be trying to to control your environment in order to control your inner emotional state.

while in Austria you virtually need an embossed invitation to visit anyone, and OP's attitude would fit in quite nicely.

I have family in Austria and have never found this, they all drop in on each other unannounced all the time, friends/neighbours/family- I found the Austrians to be very hospitable. Once you are there they bombard you with food & drink the whole time, it's like hospitality on speed! Sorry to de-rail OP!

I don't think you're BU really, so long as you do it in a loving way. So, for example, you could tell your family that you'd love to see them but 'you know what I'm like... OCD... Etc', could you meet at a restaurant instead? Another idea is to make a lovely picnic for everyone and meet them at the park/beach.

YABU but I understand

Having read this thread I worry about relationship with family, who do not understand some of the really significant obstacles we have to inviting people over (not so much me as DH/DCs) that I don't think we are ever going to discuss in a "public context".

Are they inadvertently being made to think, like LaLegue might be, that we do not care about or love them, or think the world of them because the visits are one way? I really really hope not. Anyway sorry I digress, don't want to hijack the thread, but LaLegue you might find, like our family would, that those who do not reciprocate love you dearly, think you are a wonderful, kind, warm person and an asset to their family, do not mean to be so crap, and are perhaps just coping with life in the way that fits them the best.

Sounds like my house before I had DH and DC and made it into a home.

I should say problems we aren't going to discuss in a public context sounds dodgy! I mean I can't broadcast people's invisible medical conditions

...without the interior designer

MIL is that you???!

I have to laugh at the posters claiming their kids love living in a show home.