To not want three or more people stepping into my house?

[GrumpyPotato]

My family have been pestering me for ages trying to get me to schedule a dinner party at my place.

My problem though, is that I feel like their presence will "ruin" my house. Currently, I can honestly say that this place is as perfect as a house can be. Everything is spotless and in the "default" position as placed by my interior designer, there are no scratch marks on glasses or metal surfaces, all my kitchenware are nicely polished, books that have crumpled pages have all been thrown away etc.

I can handle a single visitor at any one time due to ease of monitoring purposes. But a whole group? No way.

AIBU to suggest we host it somewhere else instead? A nice restaurant perhaps?

To be honest most of you saying you are exactly like the OP probably don't have to worry about many people wanting to come to your house

I wonder if this is true. Do the posters who live like this have the issue of lots of people wanting to come to your home or has this way of living put people off. Has it impacted on the amount of invites you get to other people's homes?

What do you have to "monitor" when guests come round? That they're not steaming up the windows by daring to breathe or spitting on the floor?
I can't imagine anyone would ever come round twice, tbh

Sounds bloody miserable to me tbh.

A home is a base for experiencing life IMO - if you can't enjoy your home with the people you love, what's the point?

If you intend on ever having an OH or dc op I would honestly look at some counselling now to address the matter or your future life is going to include some very unhappy people.

You obviously don't want them in your house, so just say so. It's easier than trolling a forum!

It is great fun having the extended family around but I do look forward to the big tidy up post visit

This is fairly normal though. It's like the school holiday feel - I love the summer holidays, lazy mornings, dc in and out of the garden, picnics, film nights, time. But I also enjoy that first week they're back, the space and peace and the massive sort out/clean to put the house to rights.

I feel sad for you OP, as a child (one of 6) our dm was the same and it was miserable tbh. I remember one of her proudest moments was when a visitor said that no one would ever know that six dc lived in that house. She was completely right there was nothing to show we lived there, no toys out, no coats or shoes or school bags on display. Bedrooms perfect but with no indication that they belonged to us. I remember my eldest db's girlfriend being banned for moving a cushion and after that there were no playdates or friends over.
My house is nothing like yours or the one I grew up in but it's home a place where I spend time with the people I love and I'd never want it any different.

my home is my safe place, my sanctuary from the world, it's just how I like it and I don't want people invading my space

All of us feel our home our sanctuary, our safe place. All of us retreat from the world and don't want our space invaded some or even most of the time.

But when you are a normal, well balanced person you recognise that even if you are an introvert who drains quickly (as I am/do) it's good to share our space with friends and family sometimes. It's selfish to always expect others to host you and never be prepared to host them in return.

I'm sick to the back teeth of certain friends and family who do this and I have resolved to just stop inviting them. Im starting to feel used.

Sounds miserable OP. Do you actually live in your house or tiptoe around it for fear of disturbing something.
Doesn't sound like it would be a comfortable visit for your guests either

Houses are for living in. Stuff is for using. What's the point in having things if you never get to use and enjoy them?

It's fine to have your own ideas about how you want your house to be. You don't get to change other people's minds to 'get them on the same page' as you.

I know someone like you, her family no longer see or speak to her.
She cares more about stuff then people.

Seek therapy before you end up really lonely.

books that have crumpled pages have all been thrown away etc

You know, this is a pretty odd view of 'perfection' - it denies humanity. I think you need help.

*Four people stepped into my house once, and I had to sell up and start again.

Fucking raging, I was.*

I shouldn't, but i am howling at that

Sounds rather an unhealthy obsession with perfection - do you use the room yourself or do you just admire it from the doorway?

I used to have an acquaintance like you. She had three children which was a bit of a miracle in itself, because my SIL who is also like you couldn't bear to have children - far too messy and disruptive to her ordered life.

Those children were odd. They were tense, brittle, smiley, polite but strange Stepford children and at least one of them had attention seeking issues and self esteem issues. I felt deeply sorry for them every time I met them. I went into her house once or twice and it looked like an immaculate but creepily soulless furnished rental place with no sign of actual family life anywhere to be seen. It unnerved me deeply.

I'm currently sat in my living room.

i have a cat sat next to me, another one is on another chair, the other two are curled up on sofas in the conservatory. There is a fine layer of cat hair on the sofas out there.

There are books on the floor, partly read. There is paperwork on the coffee table, blankets on chairs, a crash helmet and jacket dumped on the floor in the corner.

Our house is our HOME. It's lived in. It is where my family live and love. We have friends over. We shuffle furniture about to get the big table and and we all sit for hours drinking and eating and generally just having a nice evening.

I could not live in a house like you described. It sounds cold, unlived in, a show house. It doesn't sound like a home.

Redpony me too.

I'm wondering how many people (should they ever be allowed to "step in" to your house) would actually agree that it was perfection?
I'm picturing a cold, sterile, minimalist cell. But I could be wrong.

To be fair my home is very tidy, I don't do clutter , mess, stuff lying around and it's clean. However I have a group of friends and a dog over tomorrow and I'm really looking forward to it, they will be loud, messy, whatever, but I don't care and I will tidy up again afterwards. My tidy house is my home, but it's one I'm happy to share and have no issues with people being messy in.

op I do not mean this unkindly at all, it takes all kinds to make a world and none of us get to chose how we are made - but you are very far from average in terms of the way you view your home and the way you interact with others.

If you are happy to continue that way then there is no problem whatsoever in being different.

Certainly your home is YOUR HOME, and you should only allow people to come into it if you want them to.

I don't think you will get much comprehension in general from people on this thread, because your outlook on life is too alien to them.

So a strong YANBU from me.

Me, is that you??

Actually, I have no difficulty with visitors. It's when the fuckers want to stay/move in, that the cortisol levels start rising.

I'd hate it if my visitors thought my house was pristine and perfect like yours, I want visitors to see a comfortable family home, with well worn bits and books that have been read to oblivion - I want to feel and for others to see that we live our lives, have fun and deep down I feel that a life spent on housework and cleaning is really a life wasted. I think it would be much better for our mental health to entertain in a restaurant rather than at home - could you face having them round for drinks in the garden first or a night cap afterwards?

Grumpy, if you suffer from anxiety, or OCD, definitely host your party somewhere else. Don't be ashamed to say so either, you want to enjoy it too !

people are pretty determined to imagine the OP must be unhappy with her home and life in general, when she has actually indicated the opposite.