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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be surprised by this level of overprotectiveness!

225 replies

IrishTwin · 10/05/2017 19:03

My colleague at work just told me she doesn't allow her 9 1/2 year old son out alone in their back garden!! I actually didn't know what to say! Her son hasn't got any additional needs or problems,is Nt ( Neuro-typical) and goes to a mainstream school Im actually pretty shocked at this! Am I wrong to this this is is beyond overprotection!

OP posts:
SaltyMyDear · 10/05/2017 19:04

You're right, she's wrong.

It's so bad for kids to be wrapped up in cotton wool all their life :(

FluffyWhiteTowels · 10/05/2017 19:04

Weird

HallowedMimic · 10/05/2017 19:05

Maybe there are drug dealers or savage dogs next door.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 10/05/2017 19:06

Sounds like my friend. She wouldn't allow her dc on the grass in the garden in bare feet even though they had lived there since it was built! Nobody else had been on it!!
Dd had a play house but wasnt allowed in it unsupervised!!
Bonkers. .

Aeroflotgirl · 10/05/2017 19:06

Omg I thought you meant 19.5 month old not 9.5 years. My goodness me that is dreadful! But she's a bag of nerves when he's at school.

AlcoholicsUnanimous · 10/05/2017 19:06

Wow YANBU, it is very surprising. How well do you know her? There could be a backstory you don't know, eg another child of hers / sibling having an awful accident whilst unsupervised.

Ollycat · 10/05/2017 19:08

YANBU. What is her reasoning? Has something happened in his / her past?

arethereanyleftatall · 10/05/2017 19:08

Ok I guess if her garden has a lake in it or a motorway or used train line running through it.
If it's a normal enclosed garden that is ridiculous.

WhooooAmI24601 · 10/05/2017 19:08

The thing is, it's entirely possible she's got some sort of anxiety issues that prevent her letting him have that freedom, so it could be something she genuinely struggles with. It's not going to kill him to have his Mum in the garden with him and it's not the worst parenting in the world.

Parents don't suddenly go like that over nothing; she could have all sorts going on. I'd feel sorry for her rather than judge.

MrsPear · 10/05/2017 19:09

I would think there is a back story tbh I'm afraid I would have probably replied really? How come? But I'm nosy ...

justkeepswimmingg · 10/05/2017 19:10

It does sound like she's overprotective.. but you don't know if there is a reason for it or not. Could she live in a bad neighbourhood, with easy access to her garden I.e gate, low fence? Could she have a deceased child/sibling/family member/friend due to an accident/incident that occurred in a garden/outdoors? She could have severe untreated anxiety. You just never know what happens behind closed doors, and some people don't feel it necessary to disclose every detail of their lives. So yes, she sounds good overprotective, but you'd be U to tell her so.

Original poster
IrishTwin · 10/05/2017 19:13

Her garden is fairly rural. The reason she gave me was that there was a gate in the garden and she didn't want him to escape! I know her fairly well but I don't know much about her childhood other than she is close to her parents. She has 2 children one who is 3!

OP posts:
MsJudgemental · 10/05/2017 19:14

Have you asked her why not? He'll be going to secondary school in 18 months!

RebootYourEngine · 10/05/2017 19:17

Oh god i can just seem him as a 29 year old who still stays at home and cant cut up his own food incase he cuts himself. Confused

Surely at 9 years old he knows to stay in the garden.

HildaOg · 10/05/2017 19:17

If she lives in a very, very bad area with fireworks and other things thrown into peoples gardens, then ok. But if not then she's disturbingly overprotective. I would never take my eye off my (much younger) child in public but in an enclosed back garden??? They need time away from prying parental eyes!!

Original poster
IrishTwin · 10/05/2017 19:19

I didn't say a lot to be honest! Was quite surprised! I have a 9 year old who goes out to play/ walks to school and goes to the shops!

OP posts:
emmyrose2000 · 11/05/2017 09:26

This is.... unusual, to say the least. Unless she's had a previous child who was kidnapped or killed whilst unsupervised in the backyard she's being ridiculous.

If she's that worried about him "escaping" (really??) through the gate, then she should put a lock on it! Simple.

oneplusoneplustwo · 11/05/2017 09:42

That does sound a little extreme.

My son is 9.5yo and he plays out (round the corner from our house, with other friends), rides his bike to the corner shops and walks to school alone.

MaggieLightBlue · 11/05/2017 09:47

That is abusive? Is there anything else that seems untoward regarding her parenting?

InfiniteSheldon · 11/05/2017 09:47

My fifteen year old dss insisted he couldn't take a pizza out of the oven as he might burn himself and wasn't allowed to wash glasses as he might cut himself. I actually though he was joking til my now dh expressed shock that I would ask him to do something so 'dangerous'.

Crispbutty · 11/05/2017 09:48

Escape? He's a child not a dog. Poor kid. He will either live with her until he is in his fifties or be off as soon as possible at 16.

MycatsaPirate · 11/05/2017 09:50

In case he escapes? he probably wants to!

MissDallas · 11/05/2017 09:53

I don't, and my DS is 12 Blush.

corythatwas · 11/05/2017 09:56

Why is that MissDallas? SN?

Vroomster · 11/05/2017 09:56

As a teenager I wasn't allowed to cook at home in case I set fire to something. I don't have a history of setting fire to things. I taught myself to cook as an adult. I still don't understand it.