To be surprised by this level of overprotectiveness!

[IrishTwin]

My colleague at work just told me she doesn't allow her 9 1/2 year old son out alone in their back garden!! I actually didn't know what to say! Her son hasn't got any additional needs or problems,is Nt ( Neuro-typical) and goes to a mainstream school Im actually pretty shocked at this! Am I wrong to this this is is beyond overprotection!

Miss Dallas - Out of all the overprotected kids I knew growing up, none of them have ended up delinquent and all would be considered 'normal', so I don't know what you're all on about really.

Through my DC I know a couple of over-protected children who rebelled in their mid-teens by discovering drugs, sex and alcohol. Their parents didn't do them any favours at all.

But I know more kids whose parents gave them freedom who went wild. I went to an all girls school where it was quite extreme examples of rich vs poverty and overprotective parents and parents like mine. I honestly think the ones who had more protective parents had a little mad time when they hit late teens but pretty much were almost adults by then anyway and more mature. The 'free' children were off the rails by 14. And I am watching the same thing happen with my teenage daughter and her friends now

Miss Dallas, "special" only refers to disability in the phrase Special Needs. Otherwise it means "distinctive, exceptional, unusual, outstanding, remarkable, specific, precise, unique". "They make a special effort at Christmas", "We want to preserve our town's special character" have nothing to do with disability or cognitive impairment. It was perfectly clear that that was the sense used by the pp. (and yes, I do have a child with Special Needs).

And your reasoning is very odd. Why would you do deny your child a learning experience just because other parents feed their children food you don't approve of? To me this is like saying "I won't let my child learn to swim because other children are drinking coca cola"- a complete non sequitur.

As an aside, I don't personally serve up chicken nuggets because I don't like them much, but they are not poison that are going to do you any harm unless you eat them regularly. Serving them every day might count as a parenting fail; serving them now and then is neither here nor there.

From Urban Dictionary...

special
adj. Euphemism for having a disability, esp. a behavioral or mental disability; low-functioning mental retardation in particular. Synonyms: different, feeble-minded, retarded.

Oh get over yourself. You know damn well the term "special" in this case had nothing to do with calling retarded or any of what you wrote. I am done. You are too annoying.

Mythical that is the Urban dictionary definition, and hardly a full definition

Pookie but I was responding to Dallas's post that none of the over - protected children she grew up with "went off the rails". I was making the point that some of those children do react to an overly constrained childhood when they reach adolescence.

So when someone says "I want to make this special for you" that refers to disability because the Urban Dictionary says so? All other dictionaries having been conveniently scrapped?

corythatwas, I have PM'd you, not sure if you've seen it.

I was that overprotected child - not allowed out with friends in the village, not allowed to take the school bus and only allowed to do after school activities my dm deemed suitable for a young lady

The first time I was allowed into town on my own was the day I finished my GCSEs (outs self!) and then only for 2 hours with dm collecting me from the front of out local shopping centre in the car - never lived that one down.

I wasn't allowed to go to parties as a teenager and as a result was very much on the outside of friendship groups and very lonely. I deliberately chose a uni in a different country to escape. I also left for uni having never made food for myself or washed a single item of clothes. Interesting times

My db on the other hand was allowed complete freedom as he was a boy. Looking back I think the reason dm was like it was she was concerned I would "get a reputation" if I was seem out and about by myself.

I've gone the other way with my dc (14, 11, 10 and 7) and they are all very independent and capable kids - all can put the washing on, cook simple meals, make packed lunches etc. They don't walk to school but have been catching the bus since they were in reception. They also roam outside for hours and only come home when they are hungry!

My mother is horrified!

Is MythicalChicken MissDallas?

Yes, looks that way Natsku.

Clear failure to adhere to the rule about not sockpuppeting on a thread - oops!

I was wondering the same due to the "Like I said, why not just make them proper food?"

I still can't see how healthy homemade nuggets aren't real food. It is chicken breast and cooked in the oven. Not fried. Anyway, who cares? I got too carried away defending mysrlf against an antagonist. Lesson learned.

From Urban Dictionary...

That well known and respected keeper of the English language

I think that it can be quite easy to continue with parenting habits whilst forgetting that the child is getting older and that their needs have changed. Or to proactively teach them life skills.

I personally can't imagine a situation where we wouldn't allow a NT, responsible tween to be in the garden alone. Unless we lived in a war zone or really, really unsafe area. But can definitely imagine that we might forget to 'upgrade' their freedoms and responsibilities in one area of their life without really thinking about it.

The overprotected kids that I know didn't necessarily go off the rails but it definitely made them vulnerable as older teens IME. Complete freedom leads to another kind of vulnerability of course. The middle way looks different according to the child, but that's what we're aiming at.

This thread has reminded me that we need to teach one of our DC how to use the bus...

Mise don't worry, every single person things the homemade chicken nuggets are real food.

With the exception of the person who thinks that Urban Dictionary is a valid source for citation.

I'd say you can't make this shit up, but I have a feeling we're being had.

Thanks Tiptop333 .

I knew there was a reason I am not using boards much .

Tomorrow (11pm here), I am making stir-fry with leftover slow cooked lamb. Now, surely that is considered worthy of being called real food 😂. G'night!

Yesterday we cooked smoked sausages over the fire on sticks - does that count as proper food? We then toasted marshmallows but I'm pretty sure they don't count.

It's easy as parents to continue to do everything for kids and it's certainly less worrying to keep them safe at home and never let them out of your sight. However, my goal is to raise a competent, responsible young adults so that means getting my DCs to do things for themselves. I get them to organise themselves for school, cook, do laundry and take public transport. If my teen DD forgets her lunch or PE kit - I do not dash to school with it because it's her responsibility and if I do this she will never learn. It also means giving them freedom that's age appropriate.

Nowt wrong with a chicken nugget

But I don't give my children real food...plastic all the way. That way I can make sure no pesticides have been used on it

I thought my DH was terrifyingly overprotective when our boys were younger - he wouldn't let them go anywhere on their own that involved crossing any road busier than a tiny cul-de-sac until they went to secondary school, and even then he was worried about them until they came home safely every day for the first few months. But even he was OK about them being in the back garden on their own (actually he would have been OK about them going to the park on their own if they hadn't had to cross any roads). I accept that some people might have their own personal reasons for being nervous about it, but on the whole I think a safe, enclosed garden is a very good place for children to do their own thing.

One thing stood out as interesting for me in the post about Finland:

by age 9 a majority can cycle on main roads alone, and by age 10 a majority can travel on local buses alone

Am I the only one who instinctively feels it should be the other way round - that people of all ages are a lot safer in a bus than cycling on the roads? (I do cycle on roads but feel a lot safer on trails...)

People in Finland rarely cycle on the actual road, they cycle on the pavement (except for the odd ones that say no cycling - most are joint pedestrian and cycle paths) so its very safe really.

Natsku thanks - that sounds a sensible arrangement!

It really is, I hate cycling on roads ever since a car drove too close to me making me veer off ending up in a ditch