To be surprised by this level of overprotectiveness!

[IrishTwin]

My colleague at work just told me she doesn't allow her 9 1/2 year old son out alone in their back garden!! I actually didn't know what to say! Her son hasn't got any additional needs or problems,is Nt ( Neuro-typical) and goes to a mainstream school Im actually pretty shocked at this! Am I wrong to this this is is beyond overprotection!

I know some one who wouldn't let her teenagers out after dark. That included winter, when it got dark at 4pm. Straight home from school for them, no popping to town with their friends.

And she did used to pick her 18 year old up from work as it was far too dangerous apparently for him to walk home on his own at 6.30pm in the summer, 1.5 miles. (In a quiet market town, not the mean streets of a big city)

Mind you, I had someone look at me in horror when I said I was going to walk to our nearest supermarket at night! It's 10 minutes walk away through a usually quiet residential area. I think I can manage it, what with being a grown up who's done it for many years.

Mise - why has Australia changed so much? Is it due to the right wing government?
Not so different in the UK I suppose.

There are parts of Australia where the sort of childhood you had are still available, Mise - one of my expat friends lived in one such place, but it's "country" NSW. Small town where there are probably only 50 kids in the school altogether.

I live in a large NSW town, where driving everywhere is de rigueur (Like most places in Australia, IME so far!). I also live on a very busy main road, and we're on the wrong side of the road for school/ shops etc., so it's not the sort of road I want to train DS1 on for road-crossing purposes. We have walked to school but DS1, at 9, is not old enough to go by himself yet because he is a day dreamer and because he has to cross too many roads to get there.

Because of the hideousness of the first main road, he has to walk down to the lights to cross that road. That then gives him another 2 roads to cross that he wouldn't have otherwise needed to, and the crossings are not good ones, plus it adds 10 minutes on to the walk (not that big a deal but annoying).

The school have gone towards the over-protective side, yes - partly because of the number of kids who either get hit by cars or have near-misses outside the school! The last one (a near miss) caused the Principal to set up a new school-leaving system: all walkers, or those being picked up at the kiss-and-ride area, have to leave by one gate only, which is also the one by the designated crossing, now "policed" by a teacher. Bus kids leave by another gate, straight to the buses. It has worked, in that there have been no new incidents this year - but God it's a pain, especially if you park the other end of the school to collect your child.

Anyway that was a long ramble, not entirely to the purpose!
DSs are both allowed to play in the back garden by themselves, but we don't live in walking distance of any of their friends, so they get driven most places and don't play out on our back lane (I've already mentioned this in a previous post).

No. Not the Right Wing Party. That is One Nation. It doesn't really hold power much. Only a little in QLD and attempting to in WA.

The Australian Government likes copying the American Government. Like a big brother little brother thing.

Some things I agree with, like Amber Alert. Rarely used. But most of all the newer stuff, muh. Like my son gets awards for participating in things, because he did not win. Can't shatter their self-esteem or let them learn what losing is like. Or awards every term if he comes to school everyday. You know, things we thought were just normal as children growing up. My son's school separates the grade 7 and 8 students from the general playground, because god forbid they encounter a bigger student. He goes to the smallest high school. Only 350 students. They also have far fewer lesson types now. There is no mandatory sports or pe. I loved sport arvo! We got to choose a fun off the school grounds sport to go to. Bowling, tennis etc. Just something fun and not serious. Nope. They do nothing like this anymore. Oh well. Times change I am just an old fart.

I don't agree with a certain group of people being allowed to have several wives and them still being able to collect several Centrelink payments. When our most vulnerable, the elderly, some so poor they live in dumpy homes and off of food banks. It is not the several wives thing, but that they are fully capable adults, who should work, like these elderly did for decades. It makes you feel sad you know it is going on and you can't really help, because the Government just doesn't really care. Our Primeminister is an out of touch arsehole.

Oh well. Such is life

We are advocating a gradually increasing freedom which is based on the idea that there is a caring parent in the background who is always willing to teach about sensible decision-making, but that the child then gets more and more opportunity to practise what they have been taught.

It's like teaching swimming: not much point if they never get to enter the pool because it's too dangerous.

Exactly.

Being alone upstairs or in the garden are probably the first opportunities a small child has to feel separate to a parent and it's crucial for their development to gradually build up these experiences of being alone so that our children are ready for secondary school/college/employment and living independently. We are doing them a massive disservice if we overprotect imo

I agree.

This thread is getting quite nasty, I think I'll leave now.

Rubbish. So if people don't agree with you they are being nasty?
People have been giving some very good reasons as to why you shouldn't be too controlling with your children. Noone is saying to throw them in the deep end.

Actually, it did get a bit nasty when I was called a dick for disagreeing that giving your child chicken nuggets was a 'parenting fail'.

Tiptop333.... That was the poster who said it was abusive or more terrible to give chicken nuggets, than to not let her 12 year old have any independence? 12 year olds are in high school here. My 12 year old would be mortified to have me following and watching him 24/7

You know that "special" non nugget giving mother obviously does not realise you can make healthy chicken nuggets from scratch. I do it without frying them as well .

Don't worry. You sound like a better rounded parent . And you don't want to be a dick anyway..... stay a woman, it is better

I started this thread because I was shocked how overprotective she was and I'm not going to change my opinion on that! She probably judges me for giving my 9 year old freedom! Her husband has also brought the garden issue up, he thinks its ridiculous too but she won't budge. He feel his child's social skills aren't as good as they could be because he's mollycoddled! The garden is in a village, not near any main roads and not over looked!

Does the husband have any idea why she's so overprotective?

Blimey! My DD is 4 and goes in the back garden alone! Although I stay in the conservatory or kitchen so I am always able to see her. She's a good girl though and never been prone to escaping or going where she shouldn't, and there are only other gardens surrounding it and we have 8ft fences, so I don't feel I have a lot to worry about with her out there

I agree with you Irishtwin. Nothing good ever comes out of overprotective parents. I think it must also be some form of control too. If her husband even says it is not right and she does not listen. I am not including SEN children or other children who have issues.

Those posters who say as adults the overprotected children are fine. Nah.... you can bet there are skills and issues hiding underneath. No one grows up to be normal if at 12 years old thet could not even play àlone in their yard. Think of all the things the child has missed out on. The independence. The ability to be able to learn to judge situations for themselves. To learn to make their own decisions. Or to even be their own selves to some degree. All kids act different when not around a parent.

Or the parents so paranoid they don't allow their kids to even walk alone to school or go out with mates to play. That is creating fear when it is not warranted. Poor kids.

It's probably because she has had a bad experience. It's quite traumatic when something happens to you and you often don't know how deeply it can affect you and others around you.
My experiences affect me now still years later and probably my DC

A bad experience would seem the most likely explanation but then there are parents who are overprotective because they think its better, or because they're scared of what the neighbours will think, or because someone else has told them they need to be more protective. For instance in the latter case, in my own experience my parents have become more protective as grandparents than they were as parents and have sometimes said I need to be more protective - maybe she is learning from her parents? I don't know, just theories. In any case I hope her husband can figure it out and help her to become less anxious for the boy's sake.

The only reason her husband gave is because she used to live in inner city Birmingham she now lives in a quaint country village! The children have always lived here and she moved here with her parents at a young age! No trauma as far as he knows!

I have a friend with a DD the same age as mine (21). The DD is at Uni in London, with trains that run direct to our town in less than 2 hours.

They still take her and pick her up from Uni every time. How can she ever learn to be independent? I think some parents really do their children no favours.

You know that "special" non nugget giving mother obviously does not realise you can make healthy chicken nuggets from scratch. I do it without frying them as well grin.

So you make your own FAKE junk food? Awesome . Why not just make them proper food in the first place?

And, you think it's OK to use 'special' (needs, presumably) as an insult? Wow. I think you need to take a very close look at yourself.

Missdallas maybe instead of bitching at people on the internet you should think long and hard about why you aren't allowing your son even the freedom to go into his own back garden, and sort it out before he starts to resent you.

MissDallas

Your posts are now so ridiculous that I strongly suspect you're winding us all up, and are making up your posts for a laugh. You've been rumbled!

Miss Dallas. Excuse me. I use fresh healthy chicken breast with fresh brown bread made into crumbs to make my nuggets. So yeah.... shut up.

There is nothing wrong with my parenting. It is not perfect, but I can bet you my child has more of a life than yours. I pity any NT child who does not even have the freedom to play in their own yard without Mummy watching. How boring and sad for your 12 year old.

Miss Dallas.... no the term "special" does not imply that you are cognitively impaired. But one of those "special" mummies. My own brother is mentally disabled and I would nevet make fun of such people.

So goady.

Mise1978, my children have travelled all over the world. My son has a fantastic life and has the right amount of freedom given his exposure to different countries, cultures and logistics. As he is growing older we give him more freedom incrementally with consideration to the dangers of wherever we happen to be at the time.

And your nuggets sound shit. Like I said, why not just make them proper food?

MythicalChicken. Excuse me, my post was in response to MissDallas. It had not one iota of reference to anything you have said.

There is nothibg wrong with my chicken nuggets. I season my breadcrumbs with chillies and other seasonings. They are fresher and much nicer than store bought frozen ones. My son and his mates like them and eat them when they are made.

And if you want to pick apart a post which wasn't even for you. My child has lived overseas. My child has been exposed to different cultures from living overseas and his travels. My child is bilingual (eventually will be trilingual) and has friends and family from both two ends of the planet. So yeah.... Jesus.