School yard mum and school runs

[rainbowsandglitterandshit]

I have no idea what my question even is, but i don't know if I am just bad tempered or what. So here is the story:

About 6 weeks ago one of the
mums from the playground had a baby. She had no one as a birthing partner and asked me last minute, I went to the hospital and was there while she gave birth. Lovely experience and was so pleased I went. Took her some bits she needed whilst in hospital and took her 2 other DCs for the night when she got home so she could settle.

Since then I have had daily texts. I have done the school run every day for her. Then I get a text asking to do the pick up. So I agree. Then another asking if I could possibly have them for tea because she is just so tired. Hmmm, wellll okay then. Then weekends would I take both kids and the newborn whilst she rests. This has been for the last 4 of 6 weeks.

I work full time, albeit my boss gives me great flexibility and I make my own appts so it has been do-able, but I feel like now is the time to stop. In summer me and the kids walk to school, and when i mentioned this today she was genuinely offended and said 'oh what will i do now? can you still take them?'

I live a 25 minute walk from school but in the opposite direction she does. The after school pick ups are becoming a nightmare when i deal with 5 kida instead of my 3 and weekends are chaos when I am taking a newborn with us. Plus we can't go in the car because of how many kids I'm taking.

I really want to help her but all this plus work means I'm absolutely shattered, no way can i do an extra half hour round trip to walk her kids to school, and I can't carry on the nightly after school thing or every weekend with all 3 of her kids.

So WIBU to just tell her I can't? or am i a shitty friend and should just grin and bare it?

When she texts you saying, Can you get the kids to school, you just reply saying sorry I'm running really late or you've got to stop somewhere in the morning or you are dropping off for another mum.

Or just break the car for a few weeks to break the habit.

"Can you take the kids after school?"

"No, sorry I am going bowling/to the park/swimming/skiing/fishing. I am a bit busy at the moment but can do next Friday if you need a break?"

Just start being unavailable and reduce the contact down until once a fortnight or whatever you are happy with.

Shen decided to have 3 babies, she needs to look after them herself. Definitely stop paying anything for these kids. Your DP works 60hrs a week, you work too. You are not both working hard to carry a user like her!

How did this end

I am struggling to believe this. This thread, the 3 broken ribs recently and the frozen cake saga.........

Just Say No

If I was you I would call your gp for advice. Sounds like you are being very generous and she is taking advantage unfortunately - but given she has 3 small children including a newborn your gp could suggest the best approach to both get her help and you off this merry-go-round with a clear conscience.

You need help, OP. Psychological help.

What a waste of everyone's time.

Ohhh, so the frozen cake thread was the 'Frozen cake' thread. I thought I'd missed something altogether.

If you are planning to use excuses to break the cycle (which I think is a good idea) don't say things like you are going to the park/bowling/swimming as she sounds like a mum in our school who would just ask you to bring her kids along no shame

Say you have dentist/speech therapy/relatives etc

I'd be honest and say you don't mind having them bur you can only pick up for school on x day for tea - once a week. As u have to work.

Any update op?

No. Of course not.

You need to just say no

She is hugely taking advantage and it's now gone beyond the emergency stage to it becoming an unfair obligation which she never has any intention of repaying

I myself was in a bit of a similar situation but re the birthing situation but in that has newborn with no family support husband away and older children school mums offered to help and occasionally I took it such as waking older children to school etc but only when I really needed it and never to the level of on anyway inconveniencing others -

Meant not re needing a birthing partner but being in my own with a newborn and older children with no family support and husband work g away so in same situation as the friend OP is referring to

What the hell is the lazy so and so actually doing while you are minding all her kids?? Sounds like she gives them to you to take to school then you keep them after school so does she only see them in the evening? And you take them alk including newborn on Saturdays? This is nuts. You spoke to her 4 times & all of a sudden you are her birthing partner & seeing more of her kids then she is. Jesus just say no!

Thank you for the replies. I have spoken to the mother and she seems to be really struggling, there are some things going on that I wasn't aware of.

I can't remember all of the questions I was asked but yes I work full time, however I have clients I see in my office hours and a lot of my work is writing reports etc which I do at home. And yes, looking after children with broken ribs is hard work, i once managed to carry on working when an ex broke a few and I worked full time.

The lady in question is going to seek help and I have told her I will support her in this, but I cannot carry on as I was.

Thank you for the helpful and kind comments, they are much appreciated.

And surely if you believe my post is not genuine, your time is better spent helping somebody that you feel is. I don't really know why you would waste time watching a post you do not feel is true.

Sorry for all the posts but I do apologise I did not reply sooner, I did say I was very busy, hence the delay in my response.

You're going to have to stop doing so much- you must be exhausted and surely you can't have any quality time with your own family now.

Glad you have spoken to her @rainbowsandglitterandshit

I hope she is able to access some other support. Sounds like her life is a bit of a mess at the moment

good on you for helping her out in the first place, so many people wouldn't have even considered doing so much.

Agree with pp - you are very kind. Hope it all goes OK from now with further input if necessary.

Further input from others, if that wasn't clear!

'Hi x, id like to establish a good childcare routine now we are past the birthing fresh newborn stage. I hope you don't mind, I'm feeling exhausted at the moment but genuinely want to help too. I could have the kids for a play date every Tuesday and Thursday after school? Also the last Saturday each month? Let's chat and finalise the details'

Damn missed you'd spoken

Unfortunately said person has now disappeared wothout her children, she is obviously in a much worse state than i thought. she is reported as missing and i have the oldest child here. hopefully she will come back and get the help she needs. again, thank you for the posts.