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AIBU?

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Original poster

He threw the bunny away

223 replies

gherkin85 · 09/05/2017 13:02

My son is 11 and has had a bunny toy since birth. I bought it for him when I was pregnant with him. I'm not with his dad anymore but he stays at his dads house a couple of days a week.
last week his dad threw the bunny away, saying ds needs to "grow up"
DS and I are heartbroken.
I tried to explain to dad why this is not ok and he hung up on me....saying I am "mothering" him too much??

OP posts:
BeeThirtythree · 10/05/2017 01:15

My DD now 4 has over 200+ stuffed toys. Most of them have names we have to remember, amazed that she remembers. What I see as a striped cat means so much more to her. Friends/family have purchased toys for her from all over the world, we buy her at least one on every shopping trip it seems...but Bunny is the one. Goes in the rucksack to nursery, goes shopping...gets the cuddles...a 49 pence reduced price, discount bin, Easter bunny! There are so many memories of Bunny already, he even got lost once!
These scrap of fur and stuffing toys are so much more for children, memories, safety, happy times, attachment...that is what your ExH took away, not just a toy. I am so glad you found a replacement...I hope in time your DS is able to accept the new one and these comments from ExH stop!

Italiangreyhound · 10/05/2017 01:22

gherkin I can see why he is your ex, what a nob head.

In a funny way it sounds like your ex was actually jealous of the bunny, or of what it represented.

(Just as an aside, our son is adopted and had tried to throw away some of his toys from birth family and foster family and even the ones from when he first came to us, I've had to fish them out of the bin for when he is older.)

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 10/05/2017 01:35

Do you have any friends overseas OP? Could the replacement bunny be sent to them and then sent to him with a letter introducing himself as a far flung cousin, who had heard the sad news and wanted to come and keep him company?
I'm in Canada. I'd be happy to help if there aren't family abroad.

chitofftheshovel · 10/05/2017 01:37

I cried real tears when my dog chewed my child hood furry friend. I was 34 and the rabbit was just about salvageable.
what your ex did was cruel beyond measure.

OlennasWimple · 10/05/2017 01:40
Sad
NoCanoe · 10/05/2017 01:57

What a heart breaking thread. My Teddy will be 52 this year and I always say, that he is the cherished possession I would rescue in a fire. And as many PP have pointed out, it is the memories which make some possessions extra special.

Your ex is cruel, emotionally stunted and has undoubtedly harmed his relationship with his son. I hope in later years he finds some insight into his behavior and it bluddy crucifies him.

And yes, he deserves something precious of his to be thrown away. Call it Bunny's revenge,

mathanxiety · 10/05/2017 02:08

You are dealing with very jealous, cruel man. So is his current wife.

I would gently probe and try to find out what exactly the atmosphere is like at 'dad's'. As a pp or two suggest, I doubt this is the first time this sorry excuse for a father has done or said something outrageously wrong.

Lynnm63 · 10/05/2017 03:00

Your ex is an absolute dick. My ds1 whose 17 has a teddy bear, he was originally mine and I gave it to him when he was a toddler. He doesn't sleep with him now but bear lives in his room. Bear used to go everywhere with us. I've a photo somewhere of him strapped into an airplane seat.
I can see why he's an ex thinking dolls will make him gay and needing to man up. I wouldn't let replacement bear go to ex's house but I'd be pressing ds to see if he really wants to stay at his dads and if he does anything else mean to him.

Lynnm63 · 10/05/2017 03:01

Rabbit not bear, sorry I've got bears on the brain!

Greyponcho · 10/05/2017 11:41
Goingtobeawesome · 10/05/2017 11:49

Kel1493 - another poster hugely missing the point.

Italiangreyhound · 10/05/2017 13:44

kel1493 "...on the other hand, I personally wouldn't feel at that age they should need something so much"

If a child needs something to make them feel comfortable and the parents feel it is not necessary (the parents are by default - wrong) and the parents need to explore a way to wean a child off an object or habit in a suitable manner.

My dd had a massive toy she took loads of places with her and I feared we would never see the back of it. But she grew out of it in her own time (older than most) and all is fine.

Had I chucked it away then things may have been more difficult.

KanyeWesticle · 10/05/2017 14:05

Its obvious the bunny was still important to your son. If he'd outgrown it he wouldn't have brought it with him. That justification from ExH makes no sense at all.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/05/2017 14:37

Horrible dad

I would be gutted at aged 43 if my first ever cuddly a moth eaten dog got thrown away

Let alone his age

No chance can salvage it via going thro his bin 😢

Winetime0909 · 10/05/2017 19:11

My OH's not so DM was an alcoholic and an all round terrible mother, when he was younger his mum cut up his favourite blankey in front of him and said that he didn't need it anymore, OH seems to be over it now but when we spoke about it once he did seem pretty upset, I feel awful for your poor DS op Sad I hope XH realises what a nasty thing it was for him to do! Angry

WhooooAmI24601 · 10/05/2017 19:15

DS1 is 11 and still has teddies on his top bunk. He sleeps every night with Frankenweenie (the dog from the film) which is, frankly, terrifying because it's got bolts through it's neck but he's loved it for years. I'd no more chuck it out than chuck him out; teddy love is something not to be underestimated. DS2 collects the Disney babies wrapped in blankets they sell at Disney parks; Pegasus goes everywhere with him (and lives in my car during the day while he's at school).

Your son's dad behaved dreadfully. Ultimately, he's harming his own relationship with his son because he's shown a total lack of regard for his child's needs. He's shot himself in the foot, really, because your son would be well within his rights to tell his asscravat father to piss right off.

CrazyExIngenue · 10/05/2017 19:16

Omigod. My favourite childhood stuffies and my DH's are currently sitting on a shelf in the Dc's room! You are never too old for a stuffy!

Fortheloveofscience · 10/05/2017 19:26

When OH was 7 or 8 his DM took the teddy he took everywhere and slept with, waited until the bin was about to be collected and then put it in, made him watch it being emptied and driven off. I think it shows an astonishing level of cruelty and has really changed my opinion of her - even 40 years on he still gets a bit upset when he talks about it.

Oldieandgoldie · 10/05/2017 19:35

I would be tempted to text stepmum, along the lines of DS brought favourite rabbit(?) to your house but has returned home without it. He is obviously devastated and thinks ExH has binned it. Obviously no caring father would do this to his son, so I'm wondering if you know where 'D Rabbit' is? DS is so upset 🙁🙁.

She 'may' be able to have 'words' with him.

43percentburnt · 10/05/2017 19:53

I agree with oldie, if ex hasn't told you directly that he has binned it I would get it confirmed in writing. Texting step mum is a good idea.

This stops his father being able to gas light him in the future, saying it was ds who wanted it binning. Also you have evidence of emotional abuse if ds decides he wants to stop staying over at his fathers in the future.

Your son has a very nasty dad. Deliberate, calculated and cruel. I doubt this is the first horrid thing he has done.

Madwoman5 · 10/05/2017 20:38

Cockwomble. Ds will never forget what he did....ever. sometimes people do shit that hurts like hell and you have to (reluctantly) move on. Let ex deal with the burning resentment from ds.

PippaFawcett · 10/05/2017 21:21

Fortheloveofscience, bloody hell people are mean! Has he asked her about it since he became an adult?

MissEliza · 10/05/2017 21:58

Your poor ds! I still have my teddy but I remember my dad throwing away a dolly I had from when I was tiny because he thought it was babyish. It's the worst thing he ever did.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/05/2017 05:30

fortheloveofscience - I actually did a sharp intake of breath when I read what your OH's "mother" did to him - that's unutterably cruel! :O

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/05/2017 05:31

Bugger - forgot to do it properly Shock

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