Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He threw the bunny away

223 replies

gherkin85 · 09/05/2017 13:02

My son is 11 and has had a bunny toy since birth. I bought it for him when I was pregnant with him. I'm not with his dad anymore but he stays at his dads house a couple of days a week.
last week his dad threw the bunny away, saying ds needs to "grow up"
DS and I are heartbroken.
I tried to explain to dad why this is not ok and he hung up on me....saying I am "mothering" him too much??

OP posts:
Original poster
gherkin85 · 09/05/2017 14:02

LOL krakentoast Grin

OP posts:
StoatofDisarray · 09/05/2017 14:02

What PeaFaceMcgee said. I would be surprised if this was a solitary incident.

My dad held my teddy to the electric fire when I was nine, as a punishment for something mundane (can't remember what it was). He knew exactly how upsetting that would be for eme.

The point is, he was often covertly abusive to us when my mother wasn't around (holding our heads under water at bathtimes, literally force-feeding us until we were sick). She was keen to ensure we maintained contact with him after the divorce, and we just went along with it to make her happy. I think we just thought we had done something to merit that sort of treatment so we didn't complain.

What was their relationship like before the split?

StoatofDisarray · 09/05/2017 14:04

Just seen your update. In that case, I would try to get him to understand what he has done, and (if possible) apologise to your son. Any idea what his wife thinks?

CricketRuntAndRashers · 09/05/2017 14:08

Stoat

Have to agree with you.
As posted above, I myself had a father like this. Even worse, he genuinely didn't do it to be awful. He just didn't care...

In my case that was a pattern of things of always being the last "thing" on his priority list. His "new children", work, new wife, friends, holidays... "me".

And yes, I loved him (still do) and my brothers (half brothers) so much that I simply endured all of this and never complained. When I was in my early 20ies my mother once told me she though I always had a great time, seeing as I wanted to go/never seemed to misbehave etc.

That wasn't it. I simply knew I wasn't important enough for my father to put up with any kind of misbehaviour.

I may be massively projecting (probably am...) I'm also sitting in my office (hqad to lock the door and draw the curtains) sobbing like a little child.

I don't know what to say. But please take this really serious.

Original poster
gherkin85 · 09/05/2017 14:08

Dad has always been the same.I remember "letting" DS push a baby doll in a pram up and down the street when he was 2 years old and x went mad saying I would

"Make him gay"
Lucky ds was too young to understand and too busy playing with "baby joe" (who didn't go in the bin but was carbooted a year later when the novelty wore off .)

OP posts:
DeleteOrDecay · 09/05/2017 14:09

What a disgusting thing for your ex to do. It's not uncommon at all for a child to keep a special teddy with them right up until adulthood. Your ds will remember this.

Couldn't imagine ever taking away my dc's favourite toy/teddy, no matter how old they are. It's cruel.

dollydaydream114 · 09/05/2017 14:09

X has a lovely wife (??) Who is a vg stepmum

Does she know what your ex has done?!

I had a relationship with a man who had a child from a previously and I would absolutely NOT have stood for him throwing away his child's toy like that.

CricketRuntAndRashers · 09/05/2017 14:10

"Make him gay

Uhm... What?

Maudlinmaud · 09/05/2017 14:11

I've got the red mist for you op.

monkeymamma · 09/05/2017 14:11

Bloody hell humans are capable of cruelty but your DH has really outshone them all with this. What a nasty hateful thing to do. My DS is 5 and kind of starting to leave his teddy on the floor rather than take it into bed. If he doesn't want it when he leaves home I've already made a plan I'm keeping it to cuddle myself! So much love and so many memories contained in that little bundle of fabric and stuffing.
I can't think what was going through your ex's mind. Is he trying to wipe out the good memories because he's bitter that that time is now over and he's not with you? What a twat.

Original poster
gherkin85 · 09/05/2017 14:12

Yes I know it's awful. We weren't together much longer after that

His step mum is lovely. I doubt she'd have allowed it if she was in the house, but I don't think he would have felt the need to ask permission (he didn't ask me or ds)

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 09/05/2017 14:12

Does your DS's step mom know what he has done? I cannot believe she would condone that!

ParadiseCity · 09/05/2017 14:12

What a bastard. I love the evil bunny revenge plot. Do it do it do it do it.

PersianCatLady · 09/05/2017 14:13

My nearly 18 year old DS and I were talking about possessions the other day and I said that if we had a house fire and everything was destroyed that I didn't really care as long as us and our beloved Persian cat got out intact.

DS said that if it wasn't too dangerous he would probably try to grab his cuddly Pikachu that he has had from birth on the way out of the house.

I never knew that he still cared about it.

FluffyWhiteTowels · 09/05/2017 14:14

Just think what x will do next as he obviously believes his opinions are all that matters. Could have asked DS what he wanted. Could have said to DS he feels it immature to still sleep with it giving DS option of leaving it at yours. Male dominance gone barmy without consulting with you. Makes me think DS not comfortable in airing his opinions?

Tried to think of the reverse I.e. That DS thought it was childish but in that event would just have left it at yours and not packed it.

Can't for the life of me think of a valid kind excuse to throw it away

Fortnum · 09/05/2017 14:14

Wouldnt dream of throwing a teddy / blanket away ! Surely after the child decideds they have grown out of it it is kept as a keepsake even if its in the loft in a bag !!

Original poster
gherkin85 · 09/05/2017 14:19

If you all turned up at his house and asked him smiles dreamily at thought of angry mob
He'd say it had a hole in it and the balls were coming out. Obviously this could have been fixed. I could txt step mum but it won't bring the bunny back. And I'm sure she knows what shes dealing with, they have been together for years...

OP posts:
newnoo · 09/05/2017 14:20

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

MirandaWest · 09/05/2017 14:24

That is so horrible :(

DS has a bear he's had since he was born. He's 13 and bear doesn't go everywhere with him now - stays at home on his bed but I think he'd be sad if bear weren't there.

DD is 11 and also has a bear. Bear goes with her to their dads house - there's never been any suggestion it shouldn't.

I don't know what I'd do in that situation tbh.

Original poster
gherkin85 · 09/05/2017 14:26

Crickeyruntandrashers I just read your post
I'm sorry Sad

OP posts:
LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 09/05/2017 14:27

Oh that has actually made me cry, and I just don't cry normally!

I was thinking about my earless Ted, who I have had since birth, and who moved to Brighton with my lovely Mum to keep her company (and she's nearly 60, I'm mid thirties!) because she wanted something of me with her, and he lives in her flat on her bed!
He's battered and ancient, and loads of his fur has been loved off, but he's been everywhere with us, and means a lot!
I actually miss him almost as much as I miss my Mum! Blush

FluffyWhiteTowels · 09/05/2017 14:27

Divorce and moving house whilst DS at uni ... teddy had to move with me ! Oh at DS instigation lol not me making a decision for him

Original poster
gherkin85 · 09/05/2017 14:28

No..cricketruntandrashers
I'm new to this and it's easy to miss something. I didn't want to trigger past memories in any way Sad

OP posts:
MrsPringles · 09/05/2017 14:29

This is my 2 year old with his bear (he's 1 of 4 blue bears all identical except for this one which I dyed lilac by washing him with a purple blanket Blush)

Bear is part of the family. He's in all the photos and comes everywhere with us. If DH ever threw him away, I would be livid and DS would be heartbroken.
I'm so sorry for your son, I hope that replacement rabbit is a worthy replacement FlowersBear

Wormulonian · 09/05/2017 14:29

That is so vile - what a bully - getting rid of a treasured toy and also implying your DS is not "grown up" - I bet he is more mature than your Ex.