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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He threw the bunny away

223 replies

gherkin85 · 09/05/2017 13:02

My son is 11 and has had a bunny toy since birth. I bought it for him when I was pregnant with him. I'm not with his dad anymore but he stays at his dads house a couple of days a week.
last week his dad threw the bunny away, saying ds needs to "grow up"
DS and I are heartbroken.
I tried to explain to dad why this is not ok and he hung up on me....saying I am "mothering" him too much??

OP posts:
NeverEverAnythingEver · 09/05/2017 16:48

Just want to say that I'm glad you found a replacement.

Mine are similar ages and still have their too many favourite soft toys. Smile

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 09/05/2017 16:51

Three messages for your ex:

Ds will never forget he did that - not how it felt, or that his father is capable of it. He'll never trust his father the same way again.

Ds's internalised catalogue on how to be a father to his own children now has a large block titled section on 'things I will never do to my kids that my father did to me'

Your ex needs to sort out his own issues about his threatened masculinity and not project them onto his son if he care about being a good father.

Goingtobeawesome · 09/05/2017 16:51

This has really made me quite emotional. So stupid. I have a teddy that Father Christmas brought me when I was seven and in a children's home. It was my first Christmas after leaving foster parents I was very happy with but bitch mother ruined it and he is so precious as I have nothing from my childhood other than half a dozen photos. I felt such a mean person when I didn't let my children play with him, they were allowed to hold him if asked but he wasn't given to them, as he's all I had.

Teddies matter. Your ex is a dick.

Please tell your son how we all understand how he feels and we are all with him.

,,,Leaves as too emotional,,,

stephanielittl7 · 09/05/2017 16:59

How awful of your ex to do that to your son. How anyone can be so cruel is beyond me. My Ds is 24 and sleeps every night with his monkey pillow. It goes with him when he goes to respite and when he goes on holiday too. Ive got a doll that used to be my Mums that i got when she passed away that used to be in her bedroom. And ive got a teddy my Mum bought me when i had Ds. Things like that are very precious no matter what age you are

Peanutbutterrules · 09/05/2017 17:00

Okay that's just horrible.

From now on nothing of emotional value goes there as he a)doesn't understand b)has no boundaries about what is his stuff v DS's c)doesn't respect anyone else's feelings.

Hope your DS is happy with replacement bunny....

Pinkyponk36 · 09/05/2017 17:01

What a proper dick your ex is. That type of behaviour will make your son more fragile rather than toughen him up. Your ex appears to harbour macho ideas of what it is to be a man.

I'd explain to your son that your dad was wrong I doing that, but I wouldn't dwell on it with him. Finding a bunny replacement is a lovely thing to do, and will help to rectify the situation.

Unfortunately your ex has created one of those horrible scars that will never leave your son's memory. But it sounds like he has a great mother so that is all good.

PersianCatLady · 09/05/2017 17:07

My dad used to do this. If we had annoyed him, he's pretend to get over it and then ask us in a sweet-as-pie voice to show him our favourite toys. Then he'd throw them in the bin. All the time this awful suppressed smirk on his face like he was trying really hard not to laugh
He sounds like an awful man.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2017 17:25

It's a shit thing to do but did he know how attached your DS was to it? I only ask because I didn't know until I read this thread that people get so attached to childhood toys even when they are adults, to the extent that they still sleep with them - perhaps he didn't either? Or perhaps he's a cunt.

I don't know that the hyperbole helps:

Bloody hell humans are capable of cruelty but your DH has really outshone them all with this.

It's cruel but I think that's a little bit of an exaggeration

As for the 'angry bunny' response - is your ex the type to call the police if he thinks he could get you in trouble for being threatening?

If not, do it!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/05/2017 17:30

And I'm not defending him in any way - if he's done it to be cunty, he needs to be called out on it

Goingtobeawesome · 09/05/2017 17:58

Why else would he have done it?

redexpat · 09/05/2017 17:59

In danish we call that material abuse. Does the same term exist in english?

Etymology23 · 09/05/2017 18:08

Omg this is so awful! I still have my soft toys now, and they still get a hug if things go tits up and I'm just not coping (and there are no humans around for hugs). I lost a blanket when I was about 3 and I still remember losing it to this day!

teaandakitkat · 09/05/2017 18:18

Aww I'd take him to build a bear too. Something new and different to love.

Alwayscommuting · 09/05/2017 18:31

I'm tearing up just thinking about that. It's so cruel. I'm 24 and I have "stripey bunny" who I've had since I was a baby. I even know the story that goes with how I got him. He's been with me through so many house moved and I know I'd be devistated if anything happened to him. I'm also married and own my own house so I think I'm plenty grown up!
I'd ask him what he would rather have as he'll know this new one is new. Tell him you've found one the same that he could keep at yours or would he rather have someone new.

PeaFaceMcgee · 09/05/2017 18:39

So this is all connected to your ex's massive homophobia?

MrsJamesMathews · 09/05/2017 20:21

I wonder if lovely step-mum knows her DH has struggled all his life with his closet gay-ness.

Peanutbutterfingers · 09/05/2017 20:51

Your poor DS

I wonder if instead of a 'replacement' a 'memory' might be easier, photo cushion with picture of bunny could bring comfort without being the wrong bunny :(

sadeyedladyofthelowlands63 · 09/05/2017 21:01

That is a horrible thing to do. I'm in my fifties and I still have the teddy I was given when I was born.

OrlandaFuriosa · 09/05/2017 23:37

I have got my teddy in a Safe Place. His fur is so worn he has had to have a onesie with special feet. But he's there and loved. He was there when my father died, followed a few weeks later by my grandmother. Etc etc.

And my godmother's husband, a tough engineer, no nonsense sort of person, left me his teddy bear which he'd had since he was about 2. He will have been bought in about 1912. Bobbio sat on his dressing table. He went to Cambridge, it's not impossible that he fought in Yugoslavia in WWll. He certainly built airfields up and down the country before he became a dairy farming bear. Bobbio is cherished here as befits a bear who is over 100.

I hope all goes well with DS and Bunny.

nocoolnamesleft · 10/05/2017 00:28

Why was I not surprised to see an update about previous homophobic comments. The stupid fuck is worried that your DS "will catch the gay" from the teddy. What a tosser.

kel1493 · 10/05/2017 00:38

He shouldn't have thrown it away. But on the other hand, I personally wouldn't feel at that age they should need something so much

kindermog · 10/05/2017 00:47

When I was little I had two bears - Big Ted (who was one of my Mam's 21st Birthday presents she passed on to me) and Little Ted (that my Nana knitted for me). They live at my Mam's house and are precious. Currently (at the age of 39) I have a menagerie of stuffed toys that have been gifted to me in adulthood and all have meaning. They have also travelled the world with me.

Surprisingly none of the above have ever stopped me being an adult.

At the recent wedding of my brother and now DSiL her DF made a speech that included an appearance by her childhood toy rabbit. This toy has travelled the world with her. It hasn't stopped her being an adult, a professional, a mother or (now) a wife.

I wonder if the same thing happened to your ex in his childhood that makes him think this is normal/acceptable?

SuperBeagle · 10/05/2017 01:00

His dad sounds like a vile cunt.

I would've been gutted if someone had done that to my "blankie". I still have it! Grew out of it before high school, but have kept it all these years. I was obsessed with it. When my mum washed it, I'd stand at the clothesline and wait for it to dry.

Your poor son. How upsetting for him.

TheFormidableMrsC · 10/05/2017 01:03

My ex-h did this to my daughter (his SD). My Mum died when she was four years old but she kept a bunny that had been given to my Mum when she was dying. DD named it "Flopsy" and absolutely cherished it. My ex-h got rid of Flopsy and only recently, we realised he'd got rid of all her toys that we thought were stored in eaves space in our loft room. She's 18 now and is heartbroken. He, on the other hand, is an utter cunt with no feelings, morals or compassion whatsoever. I cannot understand why anybody would throw away something like that. I really feel for your DS, OP and hope that e-bay bunny can go some way to making up for his hurt. I hope you've also told your ex what a piece of shit he really is. Your poor son Flowers

DontPullThatTubeOut · 10/05/2017 01:10

I don't know if I'm being dramatic but I'd stop contact for a while because in my opinion that screams emotional abuse. He needs to understand fully that what he has done is wrong. I second throwing something of his out with a pathetic excuse and see how he likes it.