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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He threw the bunny away

223 replies

gherkin85 · 09/05/2017 13:02

My son is 11 and has had a bunny toy since birth. I bought it for him when I was pregnant with him. I'm not with his dad anymore but he stays at his dads house a couple of days a week.
last week his dad threw the bunny away, saying ds needs to "grow up"
DS and I are heartbroken.
I tried to explain to dad why this is not ok and he hung up on me....saying I am "mothering" him too much??

OP posts:
Original poster
gherkin85 · 09/05/2017 13:45

Ah Hissy Smile
Thanks everyone for the validation.
it's just things isn't it but it's sentimental
I don't cling on to "stuff" but some things have memories running through them!
I will leave it up to DS if he wants the replacement, but have to buy it anyway in case the opportunity to replace dosent come again!

OP posts:
Ravenblack · 09/05/2017 13:46

Wow what an unpleasant thing to do. Many people (me included) still have toys and special teddies/dolls from childhood. Cruel. Is there no way to get it back?

Xenophile · 09/05/2017 13:47

Your ex is a fucking wassock.

I still have my bear from when I was born. It is now a venerable, elderly bear. I don't sleep with it any more, but if someone tried to get rid of him... well, let's just say they'd need to either be bloody fast or have a solid head start.

musicposy · 09/05/2017 13:48

That's ridiculous and heartless. Boys are allowed to have cuddle toys and still be grown up. DD's boyfriend has a special cuddle toy and he's 17! We took boyfriend on holiday with us last year and toy came in his suitcase. He's a perfectly normal teenage boy, lots of friends, can mess around with the lads with the best of them, but he is lovely and sensitive too.

Your ex is a twat of the highest order and I suspect your DS will never forget that he did that. And no, you're not mothering him too much. You don't force adulthood on a child through unkindness. You love them and care for them as you always have. Then one day they will be ready to let go of their childhood ways, bit by bit. Confidence comes from security. Keep doing what you're doing; you sound like a lovely mum. One day, maybe ten years down the line, your ex will wonder why your DS sees you but not him.

bumblingmum · 09/05/2017 13:50

OMG thats awful. If he wasn't ex already, that is grounds for divorce.
If DH did that to my girls comfort toys, they would never forgive him. I still have mine and I am over 40.
Well done for finding a back-up. Your DS will appreciate the effort. Don't let him take it to his dads!

BitOutOfPractice · 09/05/2017 13:51

Oh christ that's one of the most spiteful things I have ever read on MN. You ex is a horror

I don't know if you follow the Archers OP but there was a storyline about coercive control last year and one of the worst things that the abusive character did was throw his DSS's toy rabbit away. It was so awful to hear and this is even worse I think. I want to punch your ex

Blatherskite · 09/05/2017 13:52

What a twunt!

DS is 10 and still has his bear. What harm could it possibly do?

Original poster
gherkin85 · 09/05/2017 13:52

That's so kind thankyou but I've found the exact one online.
but thanks so much.
And I just can't belive how similar they are to ours
I'm going to try and attach a pic.

He threw the bunny away
OP posts:
squashyhat · 09/05/2017 13:53

The knitted piglet I have had since I was 8 gathers dust under my bed for months on end. Until I'm feeling sad or vulnerable when I dig him out, dust him off and pop him on my pillow for a while. I'm 56.

Your poor DS Sad

PeaFaceMcgee · 09/05/2017 13:53

Are you sure he genuinely wants to visit his dad? He's not worried about making him angry, is he?

Jessbow · 09/05/2017 13:54

I'd demand that he return it to you right now.
Stop contact citing emotional abuse.
Nasty man

ToastyFingers · 09/05/2017 13:54

Wow, what a cruel thing to do to a kid!

I still have my comfort teddy, and while he mostly just sits on my shelf I took him to bed with me the night me Nan died and he did bring me comfort.

I'd bet he wouldn't have done it to a daughter. This reeks of 'boys have to be tough'.

Op, do you have anything from your childhood you could gift to your ds? Old teddies are special imo.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 09/05/2017 13:55

What a bastard. I'm glad bunny's relative from Scotland/Wales/London is coming to stay.

SillyLittleBiscuit · 09/05/2017 13:56

When I was about your son's age my mum took it upon herself to throw 'blue Ted' away. In a dust chute in the flats we lived in. I was so gutted that she went and retrieved him. Luckily in time. I'm 41 now, still have blue Ted and still can't work out what my mum was thinking.

It's a horrible, mean and pointless thing to do. I feel for your son (and you).

TWOBANANAS · 09/05/2017 13:56

I'd be so tempted to find something that your ex loves and values and get rid of that. See how he likes a taste of his own medicine, the selfish utter shit bag.

Rikalaily · 09/05/2017 13:57

That is so heartless Sad Angry Ds is 15 and still has the 3 teddies that were bought as birth gifts for him on his shelf in his room. He doesn't care who see's them, they are special to him. If I binned them he would be heartbroken.

MyBonnieLiesOverTheOcean · 09/05/2017 13:57

Aw how cute! So glad you've found one.

SirVixofVixHall · 09/05/2017 13:58

Both my dds (10 and 12) still have their teddies in bed with them, and take them on sleepovers, as does Dds friend, also 12. I had my lovely teddy until he was stolen Angry when I was 20, although luckily I do still have a couple of my other cuddy animals. My oldest friend still has her teddy. This is such a horrible think to do to a child, really unforgivable. He sounds like a bully. Glad you are not with him anymore. Tell your ds I am still upset about my teddy!

Greenifer · 09/05/2017 13:59

What a horrible thing to do. My 72 year old mother still has her childhood teddy. She was distraught when she temporarily lost him recently.

krakentoast · 09/05/2017 14:00

This is so cruel, your poor boy.

But as you've found a similar one online, you could maybe cheer DS up by using it to play tricks on his dad. You and your DS could conspire to make it inexplicably show up in his dad's bed with a note saying "YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD GET RID OF ME, BUT I NEVER SLEEP" or something equally terrifying

CricketRuntAndRashers · 09/05/2017 14:00

That's horrible!!

I once made (first made the felt to make a cape, knnitted the figure etc) a shepherd and his sheep in school and gave it to my dad.

He moved to a new city a year later (to be with his new wife) and threw it away. That was more than 20 years ago. Maybe silly but I still cry just thinking about it.

My first hoop earrings (silver, a gift from my mother) also got lost (?) during that roof.

And a few years later I gave my little brothers my dolly house, the only thing my grandfather ever made for me. My sister and I used to love playing with it. My dad decided to sell it.

Maybe silly, but I turned 30 this year and am now sitting infron of my computer crying. What I'm trying to say is... these things stay with you and hurt a lot.

Please protect your DC from an emotionally abusive father like this.

Original poster
gherkin85 · 09/05/2017 14:00

It's complicated (what isn't?) Because he does like being at his dads.
We split when ds was very young and it's all he's ever known, our lifestyle. X has a lovely wife (??) Who is a vg stepmum and they have a child together, who ds adores.sooo I can't keep him away, over this, despite the rage.

OP posts:
Jamhandprints · 09/05/2017 14:01

That's so sad! Your ex sounds so mean, trying to change your DS. I'd be reducing contact if that's his attitude. Maybe now buy DS something new and "grown up" to help. When we took DS's dummy away we bought him some sand toys and it helped distract from missing it. Do you have any pics of DS with his bunny? You could get one printed and framed to remember bunny. Honestly, I have tears in my eyes thinking about your poor DS. Who does that? X x

Kokusai · 09/05/2017 14:02

Wow. Just wow. What kind of a cruel person does that?

number1wang · 09/05/2017 14:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.