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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He threw the bunny away

223 replies

gherkin85 · 09/05/2017 13:02

My son is 11 and has had a bunny toy since birth. I bought it for him when I was pregnant with him. I'm not with his dad anymore but he stays at his dads house a couple of days a week.
last week his dad threw the bunny away, saying ds needs to "grow up"
DS and I are heartbroken.
I tried to explain to dad why this is not ok and he hung up on me....saying I am "mothering" him too much??

OP posts:
Agerbilatemycardigan · 09/05/2017 14:30

That's just nasty OP. My ex did something similar with some much loved books. He sounds like an utter arsehole. Your poor DS Sad

picklemepopcorn · 09/05/2017 14:30

It's called a transitional object, if I remember rightly. It supports the child as they change environments. Very important to developing healthy emotional security.

CricketRuntAndRashers · 09/05/2017 14:30

Ah, it's fine. Sometimes I need to remember these things.

Or else I pretend they just never happened (which certain people don't deserve).

Anyhow, good luck, I'm glad your son has a mother like you. You sound great! :)

honeylulu · 09/05/2017 14:32

I am not a softy but that is so cruel I could cry.

DonkeySkin · 09/05/2017 14:33

Even if your DS takes to the replacement bunny, he will need some sort of emotional closure around the original bunny. Otherwise this incident will probably haunt/wound him for years.

Maybe you could have a farewell ceremony for bunny, or, as others have suggested, read The Velveteen Rabbit with him. That book was probably written precisely to comfort children who had lost beloved soft toys, as they were often confiscated and destroyed during sickness outbreaks in pre-vaccination days (as happens to the rabbit in the book).

SistersOfPercy · 09/05/2017 14:35

poor boy. My 24 year old DS still has his very battered bear sat on the end of his bed. He moved out for a while with a GF and bear went with him. Means the world to him.

Blatherskite · 09/05/2017 14:38

Your DH would love my DS then! Not only does he still have his bear at 10 but the only toy who comes close in terms of how much he's loved is his baby who I bought when I was expecting his sister. We both had a baby and we both had a buggy. He loved it. The buggy is long gone but baby will live with us forever I think! He's more attached to him than DD is to any of her dollies.

It's all about pink bunny for her.

Original poster
gherkin85 · 09/05/2017 14:38

Thanks all.
We have the velveteen rabbit. And I agree it's not good to just "replace" things (or people) when they die/leave/get thrown away because that's not a great message
Hmmm.
I'll speak to dad

OP posts:
londonrach · 09/05/2017 14:39

Horrible man. Your poor ds. If anyone took my special soft toy off me ill probably have to kill them as even now in my 40s i cant sleep without him. Neither can my dh. Cant wait to find out which soft toy dd loves. My dh over 6 foot special toy is safe at his parents but i have told him any time he wants to visit he is welcome but i think his parents need this soft toy more at the moment.

londonrach · 09/05/2017 14:40

I did actually dump a boyfriend in my 20s when i found he had stuffed soft toy under a wardrobe!!!

howtopickausername · 09/05/2017 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 09/05/2017 14:41

Needlessly unkind and thoughtless of ex, you really wonder what was going through his mind.

CricketRuntAndRashers · 09/05/2017 14:51

Just remembred

Yes, her (incredibly!) abusive dad did the same. Apparently because her teddy had gotten too ugly (it had lost most hairs).

She still has the "replacement" she got and It's obvious that it's still a sore point for her (more than 40 years later!!)

This thread clearly showed me that I have to protect my DC from the awful parts of my family.

And yes, I think a ceremony or an other way to say goodbye might be a good idea.

CricketRuntAndRashers · 09/05/2017 14:52

*She (=my mother)

Goingtobeawesome · 09/05/2017 14:56

Call the council? Plenty of times the dustmen search for stuff mistakenly thrown away and I'm sure poor bunny would make them want to look. Worth a phone call, surely?

goingonabearhunt1 · 09/05/2017 14:59

I'm really upset reading this, just cried a tiny bit and I'm at work Blush I feel really bad for your DS.

Most adults I know have a treasured toy including my DM, I don't think it's weird at all.

I have a collection of bears in my flat at home.

Goingtobeawesome · 09/05/2017 15:01

Jessie, spectacularly missing the point.

CricketRuntAndRashers · 09/05/2017 15:02

going

so glad I'm not the only one...

I still have my own "music teddy" (creatively named "Music Teddy"....)

HappyFlappy · 09/05/2017 15:05

I suggest he goes and throws something of his fathers away without permission to teach him what it feels like.

My first thought too xStefx

OP - if your son decides he wants nothing to do with his wanker of a dad one day, it will not surprise me in the slightest.

HappyFlappy · 09/05/2017 15:07

If you killed him, there's not a jury (of mothers) in the land who'd convict

Damn right Redred

Justifiable homicide if ever there was.

RhodaBorrocks · 09/05/2017 15:10

I'm so sorry for your DS OP. My XP hated DS carrying his dolls around everywhere but DS is small for his age and looks younger than he is, plus he has SN, so it was only XP that had a problem with it. Thankfully XP never threw them away, but he did force DS to leave them in the car. He didnt mind stuffed animals as much, but really thought DS shoukd gave griwn out of them sooner. Thankfully XP fucked off and left the country 18 months ago now! DS is 10 and still has his Monkey my DSis bought him when he was born. He still has his giraffe rattle that went everywhere in his pushchair that my DM got him too.

DF was made to throw his knitted/felted doll on the fire when he was about 5. His DF and his eldest brother (who is quite a lot older) felt it was time for him to grow up. DF is late 60s and still mentions his doll sadly every now and then.

Well done for finding a replacement. I like the idea of acknowledging the original bunny has gone, but let DS keep the replacement if he chooses. He'll know it's not the same but will cherish the fact that you found a replacement - he'll never forget you doing that.

seagreengirl · 09/05/2017 15:12

How mean and spiteful. I keep my old square ted up in a drawer in the bedroom. When I come across it I always give it a quick hug and the smell and feel of it brings my childhood right back and I'm 59.

My daughter lost her rabbit when she was about 12ish we searched the house high and low and eventually gave up. The rabbit turned up about two years ago, down the side of a bed in my mothers spare bedroom. My daughter is now nineteen, and she was so happy.

FortyFacedFuckers · 09/05/2017 15:16

Poor ds, I may have one of those bunnys please let me know if you don't get the ebay one.

FooFighter99 · 09/05/2017 15:18

Take DS to Build-A-Bear and get him something new. Even if you manage to replace bunny, like you said, it will probably only be associated with hurtful memories of his arsehole dad Sad

Canshopwillshop · 09/05/2017 15:20

Heartless bastard! So pleased you've found another one.

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