OH has fallen out with me and I feel wretched

[CabbagePatchKid91]

Full disclosure: I have a 16 day old baby so am feeling super emotional.
My auntie made us some bunting for the baby's room. It's really lovely. She is coming to see us this weekend so I thought it would be nice to put the bunting up. I researched to find the best way to put the bunting up without the paint coming off the wall.
We got some hooks that stick on. OH stuck them up and tied the bunting on. The hook came off and took the paint with it . We don't have any of the nursery paint to cover it. OH is furious. Won't speak to me. Told me that I've spoiled the nursery. I'm going to go get a tester in the morning to cover it up but he's not talking to me now and I feel like howling. I feel awful. He's had such a hard day at work after the baby kept us up all night.
How can I fix this?

So he has high standards of how the house is kept ("just so") but low standards of behaviour for himself.

Not a great combo

Hope you won't be responsible for keeping the house "just so" during mat leave!

Lol Bertrand seriously? When many would say that a lot of posters always see the woman as a saint and men held to different standards

What fucking planet have I landed on? Are you kidding me? YOU feel wretched? Tell him to stop being a twat.

If a man had posted the op about his female partner, I would have said she was being massively unreasonable too.

'So he has high standards of how the house is kept ("just so") but low standards of behaviour for himself.'

So you have measured his general tendency towards high standards of his house against just one instance of his unreasonable behaviour and for which he has apologised. Just another example of skewed judgement.

"I'm sat in the bathroom crying because he's got DD and I want her with me but feel I can't ask to have her because of the situation"

MASSIVE WARNING BELLS

ex used to do this to me - engineer drama, then say I was unreasonable and keep the children away from me
It used to break my heart

He is not a good man.

Sounds like there is a serious power imbalance in your relationship. It's not your job to 'fix' his shitty attitude.

He's tired is he? Maybe he should try being pregnant and pushing a whopping baby out his fanjo. That will give him something real to moan about.

does your mum like him op?

'Don't sweat the small stuff' - he needs to learn that. In the grand scheme of things, in 20 years time, neither of you are going to remember a chipped bit of paint on the wall when thinking about your first born child!

As PP have said, the fact you hid in the bathroom and felt you couldn't get your child is worrying. You didn't do anything wrong and mistakes happen. I'm sure many more annoying imperfect things will occur once your baby is older and flinging food all over the place, drawing on things etc.

If somebody says something like ""I'm sat in the bathroom crying because he's got DD and I want her with me but feel I can't ask to have her because of the situation" it could be that it's a spat that's got out of hand and easily sorted out. It could be that she feels she's been a bit of a dick too and they need to have a cuddle and make up. Or if could be that she is frightened and needs someone to ask her and make it OK for her acknowledge her fear and think about the way forward. Usually the answer to "Are you frightened of him?" will genuinely be "Don't be silly, of course I''m not!" But sometimes it't won't be.

Whoa, hold the fuck on. I had to stop reading when I read that posters are advising going and 'taking' your baby.

No you don't get to do that, that is his child too and just because you are emotional does not mean you get to stop him having some time with his child. It's sick that posters have suggested taking his child off him, he hasn't taken the child off you. Like I say I stopped reading once I seen that.

Don'tpull You are a voice of reason.

Antigrinch, where did it say that he kept the baby from her? You are massively projecting.

"Like I say I stopped reading once I seen that."

that'll make sure you're up to speed with the discussion. Works every time!

Don'tpull out. At 16 days postpartum and the one doing most of the childcare she is more tired and physically damaged. Nothing to do with 'sexism' just 'common sense'

Are you a man by any chance? Fuck off.

Just on the off chance that anyone was thinking of reporting that last post to me by DontPullThatTubeOut, please don't. I'd prefer it to stay.

Don't flatter yourself bert

street no I am not a man, I guess I just understand that a guy doesn't know what it's like to give birth etc and yes technically she is more tired but sleep deprivation is all relative, try to remember that for him he is more tired than he has ever been so to him he is just as tired, the op having had a baby doesn't change that he has had a big change also.
Unfortunately I know what it's like to do a lot the day off and after giving birth, I didn't have housework to do but I was up and down from icu constantly walking and standing and as a result never full recovered from the aches you get from childbirth.
So I think I've probably had less rest than some women but I won't say I was more tired as, like I said before, it's all relative.

I'm tired of being accused of being a man or childless because my opinion differs. Try to remember that when accuse people of something so drastic.
I understand how much mumsnet hates men and I really don't want that hate put onto me because my opinions (must) seem more man like to some sexist posters.

yes technically she is more tired

Well exactly. So why are you calling people sexist and making disgusting personal remarks about other posters?

I questioned if you were a man because I cannot see on what planet you would think it acceptable to tell me to fuck off and call me sexist because I understand that there is no way the man is more tired than a woman who has just carried a baby and is in the postpartum stage.

There is no excuse for his behaviour.

yes technically she is more tired

Technically? Don't be bloody stupid.

OP: OH is a dick, you may both be tired but this is dickish behaviour. I''d be interested to know how these 'high standards' are maintained - how is the extra housework shared?

Suggest you tell him to get hold of some educational materials on babies and children or when they throw up on the walls and carpets, scribble on walls or start picking at wallpaper he might well have a seizure.

Because I don't believe you should downplay how tired he also is. This is also a big change from him, op has learnt about her tiredness from getting pregnant but also being able to rest while on maternity leave. Her husband has continued working and still is and is also losing sleep. They both are tired and on a technical level she may be more physically drained but I believe emotionally they are both equally tired, you can't measure how tired they are so why the competition?

He is being a total dick.

There are massive warning signs here - taking your baby = not on, complaining about paintwork when you've recently given birth = not on. Talking about how tired he is at this stage = not on.