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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH has fallen out with me and I feel wretched

220 replies

CabbagePatchKid91 · 08/05/2017 19:46

Full disclosure: I have a 16 day old baby so am feeling super emotional.
My auntie made us some bunting for the baby's room. It's really lovely. She is coming to see us this weekend so I thought it would be nice to put the bunting up. I researched to find the best way to put the bunting up without the paint coming off the wall.
We got some hooks that stick on. OH stuck them up and tied the bunting on. The hook came off and took the paint with it Angry. We don't have any of the nursery paint to cover it. OH is furious. Won't speak to me. Told me that I've spoiled the nursery. I'm going to go get a tester in the morning to cover it up but he's not talking to me now and I feel like howling. I feel awful. He's had such a hard day at work after the baby kept us up all night.
How can I fix this?

OP posts:
BluePeppers · 08/05/2017 20:17

Ok, HE choose the hooks with yu and HE out them on the wall.
How on earth can it be YOUR fault that this didn't work???

Serioulsy, he is blaming you for something you have nothing to do with. Whether he is able to cope with things not quiTe right or not or whether the hooks are any good has nothing to do with it. What is happening here is that he is refusing responsibility and is putting it on you instead.

As for not daring going to pick your baby up. Why?? You nearly seem afaraid of him, like a child not daring to go of their bedroom because they have done something naughty and are wo fried to be told off again.
Please go and pick you baby if you want to.

WannaBe · 08/05/2017 20:17

First baby?

I'd hazzard a guess that he was proud of the nursery, it's a pfb thing, and now that it's not perfect he's overreacted. I guarantee that if you'd posted this about losing it with him over the paint people would be telling you that you're both exhausted and that in five years time you will look back over this and cringe inwardly. It's just some paint, but it's amazing what seems like the end of the world when you have your first newborn.

My MIL dropped a whole pot of sudocrem on my nursery rug when DS was a week old. Fortunately she's visually impaired because if looks could kill we'd have been burying her the week after. Blush and I cried. Blush.

But DS is fourteen now and I look back at that and think Blush Blush a tad over-protective I was...... Blush.

Mouthfulofquiz · 08/05/2017 20:18

Go and get your baby and look after yourself. He's a twat for getting worked up over some paint. Life's too bloody short! Christ!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 08/05/2017 20:19

Go ang get your little baby Sweet, don't be scared, we're all here for you.
Tired or not, he sounds controlling.

TheFirstMrsDV · 08/05/2017 20:20

I really hope this is down to him being just a bit of a perfectionist and sleep deprivation pushing him over the edge a bit.

Because the alternative is pretty awful.
If you were my daughter I would be very worried about you and this relationship.

If someone is a 'bit' abusive its not uncommon for their behaviour to escalate during and after pregnancy/birth.

Please think carefully about what is going on.
Do you really think this is a good man who is having a particularly bad day?

Badbadtromance · 08/05/2017 20:21

This post gave me a terrifying flashback to when my ds was newborn and his father did similar. I remember sobbing down the phone to wa. I was terrified of him and his perfect standards. Baby now a strapping teen and as luck would have it his father dropped dead a few years later. Do yourself a favour op and take a good look at this relationship and how you really feel. Good luck

Garlicansapphire · 08/05/2017 20:21

He's actually being mean to you by being such a drama queen. you did nothing wrong. Tell him to grow up - youve already got one baby...

ssd · 08/05/2017 20:22

good luck op, you're gonna need it if you stick with him

Original poster
CabbagePatchKid91 · 08/05/2017 20:24

Thank you for all the kind messages. I went and got DD and OH apologised. We are both very tired and as a pp said OH was very proud of the nursery (yes pfb). My mum is going to get a tester in the colour so we can patch it up tomorrow. Thank you for all the kind replies.

OP posts:
FreddieFlowerdew · 08/05/2017 20:25

He sounds really nasty and controlling. You don't need to ask to hold your own baby. Really worried for you.

ssd · 08/05/2017 20:25

look after yourself op and don't automatically come last

MrsPeelyWaly · 08/05/2017 20:26

This is making me feel very nervous.

AceRag · 08/05/2017 20:27

You both sound super immature.

ssd · 08/05/2017 20:28

nah he sounds super controlling and scary

KurriKurri · 08/05/2017 20:28

I think if he ever accuses you of 'spoiling' the nursery again, remind him that you are the one who has made it perfect by putting a baby in it.

angryladyboobs · 08/05/2017 20:29

He's being a dick. Seriously who does that?

Chathamhouserules · 08/05/2017 20:31

Wise words from Wannabe. Things do get blown out and of proportion in the first few weeks. You'll have to remember him that you have to be very kind to each other while you're getting used to the huge change you've both gone through. And that he's going to have to do a lot of tidying over the next few years if he wants it up to his high standards, because you will be busy enough with baby. Take care of yourself.

Chathamhouserules · 08/05/2017 20:32

Remind him not remember him. Ffs!

Sammysquiz · 08/05/2017 20:32

Oh come on, he's not being controlling and scary. Think back to those early days with a baby when you're both exhausted, overwhelmed and grieving your old life. He over-reacted, that's all.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 08/05/2017 20:32

AceRag Nice. Very nice Hmm

CherryMintVanilla · 08/05/2017 20:32

Another 'good man' who just happens to act like a dick...

It might be an idea to put the hooks up on the areas where the paint came off, because it will just happen again. Then he can touch up any areas around the hooks.

Just, keep an eye on things. The bar for being a good man/good father is often set wretchedly low.

stopmoaningpip · 08/05/2017 20:33

On a positive note, my husband found the new baby phase very difficult and there were a few incidents which written down might have sounded worrying - however he's now really good with 3 year old, so sometimes it just takes time.
However I do think I should have been more assertive.

DameDeDoubtance · 08/05/2017 20:33

Sounds like there is a huge imbalance in your relationship Sad

Chathamhouserules · 08/05/2017 20:33

And you sound super nasty AceRag. She's just had her first baby - was it necessary to be so horrible ffs!

user1492287253 · 08/05/2017 20:34

Oh blimey. 16 day old baby.
Neither of you are at your best. Both kiss and make up.