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AIBU?

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Original poster

OH has fallen out with me and I feel wretched

220 replies

CabbagePatchKid91 · 08/05/2017 19:46

Full disclosure: I have a 16 day old baby so am feeling super emotional.
My auntie made us some bunting for the baby's room. It's really lovely. She is coming to see us this weekend so I thought it would be nice to put the bunting up. I researched to find the best way to put the bunting up without the paint coming off the wall.
We got some hooks that stick on. OH stuck them up and tied the bunting on. The hook came off and took the paint with it Angry. We don't have any of the nursery paint to cover it. OH is furious. Won't speak to me. Told me that I've spoiled the nursery. I'm going to go get a tester in the morning to cover it up but he's not talking to me now and I feel like howling. I feel awful. He's had such a hard day at work after the baby kept us up all night.
How can I fix this?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 08/05/2017 21:48

Ace 🤔 Uncalled for and not helpful. Good news op, but keep an eye on things with him.

MaQueen · 08/05/2017 21:49

Lord, I can still recall when DD1 drew all over our brand new TV screen with a green crayon...MIL was visiting, and actually burst into tears because she was so worried how DH would react when he got home (to point out, this speaks volumes about her relationship with her DH, and is in no way a reflection on DH).

MIL kept thinking of very inventive excuses with which to appease DH and just couldn't understand why I wasn't panicking too (er...because I know my DH).

He got home. Spent ages snuggling DD1 before he even bothered looking at the TV. The crayon wiped off...

StillHungryy · 08/05/2017 21:59

lol so much overreaction, two sleep deprived people, one got angry ( as sleep deprived people tend to do) and calls of being abusive and call the police etc. PP seem very willing to essentially try and make a massive family ending mountain out of a molehill...Hmm

famousfour · 08/05/2017 22:10

Be kind to each other lol

The early days can be like when you think about things in the middle of the night and they seem massive and in the cold light of day they are something and nothing...

Congratulations on your baby Flowers

Adnerb95 · 08/05/2017 22:24

"I feel I can't ask to have her" becomes "he refused to let her have the baby"

He did nothing of the bloody sort ratatouille

BigChocFrenzy · 08/05/2017 22:32

"He is a good man but has very high standards"

NO

He is NOT a good man.
Good men don't get furious with the mother of their tiny baby, just because of scrapes paint.

He has very low standards of behaviour

38cody · 08/05/2017 22:45

Go get your baby. He sounds like a pratt. Is this your first? He'd better get used to a less than picture perfect environment!
You really need to tell him to get some perspective.

WanderingNotLost · 08/05/2017 22:47

Jeez it's just a bit of paint. Your DH will have to get used to furniture getting wrecked now you've got a baby!

meganix · 08/05/2017 23:00

Ohmygod he's going to lose his mind once the baby gets to what I call the chaos stage. He's going to struggle if he doesn't chill the fuck out - I'm tamping that he got arsey with you about it. I hope it's just a case of being sleep deprived and a bit shell shocked from the new arrival. If he pulls this shit again - no crying in the bathroom, tell him clearly to fuck up and fuck off until he behaves like a rational human being. Prick.

Sammysilver · 08/05/2017 23:07

What massive over-reactions from some posters. And the poster who suggested calling the police! Are you for real? The OP, who knows her DH claims he's a good man but oh no, that doesn't fit into the narrative of the abusive man that he's been deemed to be by some posters based on one example. Absolutely ridiculous.

Mermaidinthesea123 · 08/05/2017 23:13

Er.......he put the hooks up.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/05/2017 00:57

I agree with a pp that 3M command hooks are good. Only caveat is that you're often not advised to stick anything to new paint.

I don't think tiredness explains/justifies his appalling behaviour. I have a baby a little younger than yours and I'd be dreadfully upset if DH behaved like this.

From what I understand, the pressure to have a perfect house when she had a baby contribute to MIL having PND. He needs to lighten up.

Changednamesorry · 09/05/2017 01:25

ah he's being a Twat today. as long as he is not like this all recipes time you can probably put it down to exhaustion and all the changes you are going through. no....his behaviour is no OK at all. decide you aren't going to be appeasing him all the time and encourage him to be less of a twat when he is calmed down. get the baby whenever you want you are hormonal connected and separation from her at this stage will make you feel worse. let this nonsense go. if you are scared of him on the other hand.....or if he behaves like a twat too often then you need to rethink know your relationship
but.....16 days in? good chance you are just both fraught. take care of yourself!

Happyfeet1972 · 09/05/2017 01:52

Glad it's sorted OP. Without more information people have jumped to massive conclusions. The DP is also sleep deprived, and then had to go to work all day and now he's probably a bit annoyed that he's damaged the nursery that they probably spent a lot of time preparing. Yes he overreacted but it sounds like he got over it. Sometimes when you're sleep deprived little things become bigger issues. In isolation, I don't think there's anything to be too concerned about his behaviour....tell him he was a dick and move on.

Obviously it's worrying if OP felt she couldn't go to the baby but I read that more that because the situation was awkward rather than she was scared of him....again without more information, we can't possibly know.

Also I think it's absolutely telling some posters talk about asking for 'your baby' back..wtf is the DP then, just the sperm donor? At no point did OP say her DP had taken the baby away, and was stopping her seeing the baby. But again don't let facts get in the way of accusing someone of abuse based on one incident without any context.

Kwoggers · 09/05/2017 03:20

I have a 16 day old baby so am feeling super emotional.

I wonder if we can hazard a guess as to the reason for his behaviour...

BertrandRussell · 09/05/2017 07:20

Amazing how men's bad behaviour is excused and minimized.........

Kwoggers · 09/05/2017 07:34

Amazing how men's bad behaviour is excused and minimized.........

It's amazing how you say that on every thread you ever visit.

Sammysilver · 09/05/2017 07:35

No Bertrand, it's called putting things into perspective. It seems that with some posters on MN, men are either saints or abusive barstards with nothing in between.

BlackeyedSusan · 09/05/2017 07:35

how is he going to react when the kid colours on the wall? or sudocremes the carpet cas that never comes out or wees on the floor. or pukes everywhere or god forbid is autistic and throws the contents of the upstairs down the stairs in a meltdown.

Sammysilver · 09/05/2017 07:36

*bastards

MaximaDeWit · 09/05/2017 07:38

Oh, OP. You're both in the middle of a period that I don't even remember with DS as I was so exhausted, overwhelmed and emotional.

As a PP has already said, if this is out of character for him then I'd put it down to his sleep deprivation and I imagine you'll be laughing about how ridiculous he was being in a few days.

If it isn't, then this sort of behaviour when you're at your most vulnerable is worrying.

BertrandRussell · 09/05/2017 07:38

"No Bertrand, it's called putting things into perspective. It seems that with some posters on MN, men are either saints or abusive barstards with nothing in between."

There's lots in between. The problem is that for many mumsnetters, they are always at the saint end- even when they behave like dicks. "Poor thing must be tired"......

boolifooli · 09/05/2017 07:40

Op not read the replies but his behaviour is horrible and not how a loving life partner behaves. My partner wouldn't even mention it or make a joke of it and we'd giggle. You don't deserve to feel wretched. You should feel bloody pissed off with him!

LedaP · 09/05/2017 07:44

No one can declare he is abusive or a saint.

He could be a twat that does this all the time. Or knackered and didnt behave well.

I cant imagine anyone has never done that.

The Op could be genuinely scared. Or again knackered. And given that she has had a baby two weeks ago, quite emotional. I bloody was 2 weeks in.

Unless op wants to share more info there is no point debating it.

zippey · 09/05/2017 07:45

I'm afraid the house will never be perfect after a baby. He will just have to grown up and just get used to it.