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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH has fallen out with me and I feel wretched

220 replies

CabbagePatchKid91 · 08/05/2017 19:46

Full disclosure: I have a 16 day old baby so am feeling super emotional.
My auntie made us some bunting for the baby's room. It's really lovely. She is coming to see us this weekend so I thought it would be nice to put the bunting up. I researched to find the best way to put the bunting up without the paint coming off the wall.
We got some hooks that stick on. OH stuck them up and tied the bunting on. The hook came off and took the paint with it Angry. We don't have any of the nursery paint to cover it. OH is furious. Won't speak to me. Told me that I've spoiled the nursery. I'm going to go get a tester in the morning to cover it up but he's not talking to me now and I feel like howling. I feel awful. He's had such a hard day at work after the baby kept us up all night.
How can I fix this?

OP posts:
Pillowpillowpillows · 08/05/2017 20:35

Thanks for the update. Glad you are okay. Have a good evening. Enjoy motherhood. 🙏

Adnerb95 · 08/05/2017 20:35

kitty
Errrr what? Police???

Blimey, talk about over-reaction to a fallout between 2 sleep-deprived individuals where we have heard ONE version of events. Whilst I am sure OP is telling the truth, that doesn't mean we have full context.

OP - as others have said, the chances are you are both losing perspective and what feels overwhelming at the moment will feel very different if at least one of you has had a decent night's sleep.
Make sure only one of you is on duty at night so that you can take it in turns to sleep. And cut one another some slack.

If you show OH this thread, then I have a message for him:

OP's OH - get a sense of what is important here! Bloody paint is of no bloody importance - support of your OH as a new mum is what matters! So stop being a dick.

BluePeppers · 08/05/2017 20:36

Happy to see he has apologised.
Can I ask why you and yur mum are the ones to go and find the paint tomorrow?
You have a baby that isn't even 3 weeks old. You are knackered (and n he can't be as knackered as you are. He hasn't accrued a baby and given birth).
He is also the one who putbthe hooks up.

In my house, he would be the one who went to find the paint to patch it up (same would be true in reverse btw. If I had put something on the wall and it had fallen over, I wouldn't expect DH to go and find the paint and do the patching up)

CherryMintVanilla · 08/05/2017 20:36

Think back to those early days with a baby when you're both exhausted, overwhelmed and grieving your old life.

Two weeks after watching the woman he loves labouring in pain to bring their child into the world he's giving her the cold shoulder over wall hooks?

Some things are big red flags. Forgive him and move on, but remember it happened.

Original poster
CabbagePatchKid91 · 08/05/2017 20:40

Pepper OH is working till 5. We live along way from the shop so would be closed when he got there. Mum and I already had plans to go into town tomorrow so can grab it. OH has said he will do the painting x

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 08/05/2017 20:40

Good news that you've made up op. I hope it was just tiredness. Things won't be perfect in your home now you have a baby and he needs to acknowledge this. Please don't allow him to prevent you from enjoying it by spending your time worrying about his reaction to a bit of mess/a spillage/ a poo stain on a towel or whatever. Perfectionists are hard work!

Luncharmstrong · 08/05/2017 20:42

Police ?
Wrong thread, surely ?

April229 · 08/05/2017 20:49

I'm not sure you should be the one to apologise...

iamavodkadrinker · 08/05/2017 20:50

LTB

user1486076969 · 08/05/2017 20:54

Step back and relaxSmile.......this is a "first world' problem me thinks.......in the grand scale of things not that important perhaps?

Carriecakes80 · 08/05/2017 21:00

Oooh, I think you need to sit and have a chat....firstly, it worries me that you feel you can't ask for your child, thats not right.
If there is one thing I know with five children, is Parenthood is bloody messy!
My daughter drew all over our telly with poo....our son ate an entire box of after eight mints age 3 and threw up into my DH 's work briefcase.....our other son kicked a can of paint down the stairs and ruined my husbands leather coat that was given to him by his best friend before he died.....and my other half had his sweary moment, and got on with life, because this is life with kids....nothing is perfect...nothing is safe....every plain wall is a beautiful canvas....every bogey would look nicer on the curtain.....every perfume Mummy owns would smell nicer if its poured into the toilet, and talc looks like Shake n Vac and makes Grandmas wonderful chocolate brown rug smell so clean!

Kids do stuff...he'd better learn quick or he'll be having a breakdown the first time he stands on Lego.....Ooh that first time!

Starlight2345 · 08/05/2017 21:03

Its hard to judge on this one..Yes you are both shattered and overact..However your second post suggest you walk on egg shells to get things right.

You will know if this is true or not..Have a chat with your mum tomorrow. If you think she would give you an honest answer.

I am glad he has apologized and hope it is simply tiredness.

Daddyof3lovelylife · 08/05/2017 21:05

Adnerb............perfect......!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 08/05/2017 21:06

That's great news OP, sleep deprivation is a killer.

SlothMama · 08/05/2017 21:06

Why on earth would OP go to the Police? Her husband was a bit of dick granted however that's a complete overreaction!!
He is a new Dad also and I suspect sleep deprived also, it's no excuse but he has recognised his fault and apologised....

NoraCharlesMartiniGlass · 08/05/2017 21:07

This reminds me of the Great Scrambled Egg Wars of 2007.

Seriously, I'm glad you've found your way through. Flowers

user1492970817 · 08/05/2017 21:10

Both of you are tired due to sleep deprivation having a new born,but you OH needs to loosen up with the high standards.When you have a newborn she is what you have to focus on,not everything being perfect all the time. Its a bit of paint but due to you both being tired it has blown up out of proportion. Glad you have made up and he apologised.

fannydaggerz · 08/05/2017 21:12

He's having a go at you because some paint came off the wall?

Tell him to get a grip!

sherazade · 08/05/2017 21:12

Choosing not to talk to your partner is NOT an 'over reaction' because it is something you do over a time period rather than a single , completely spontaneous moment . It is manipulative and controlling and sleep deprivation is no excuse .

DearMrDilkington · 08/05/2017 21:18

I don't think his abusive. I think your both exhausted from adusting to the new baby and it was a huge over reaction to a very small problem. His apologised so I'd move on and forget about it.

However, if things like this start happening regularly or get worse then please don't put up with it.

Congratulations on your new baby, things will get easier soon. I remember ghe amount of times me and dp snapped at each other in those early days..

BertrandRussell · 08/05/2017 21:20

Yes they are both exhausted. But only one of them has behaved like a dick.

Ratatatouille · 08/05/2017 21:31

adnerb I think kitty said to call the police if he refused to let her have the baby. If an abusive partner refused to hand my 16 day old baby back to me you're damn right I'd call the police. I don't know if you've ever been in the position of someone keeping you from your newborn but it sets off something primal in you.

Pop24 · 08/05/2017 21:38

Was going to say the same as thenewaverage. If you OH is that obsessive he simply won't cope with having a toddler/child live with him so he'd better change his expectations right now. Expect shit/sick/wee everywhere, crayon/felt tip/stickers over every surface and then wait for the moment they get hold of that pot of sudocreme from the draw and spread it over every surface in the nursery and themselves. Just an average few weeks at ours. But on a serious note are you ok? You sound almost a bit scared or like you have to tread on eggshells. You need love and support right now as having a newborn is bloody tough and will probably get even tougher before things get better,which they will. Yes it's hard for dads too but they don't have all the hormonal shit on top as well. Please don't worry about a patch of paint!

Mrseft · 08/05/2017 21:43

OP, you didn't do anything wrong and now you are concerned to ask for your child because he's sulking over a paint mark? I'm not sure if there ought not to be much more concern here than a tired parent over-reacting to something silly. Dare I say this almost sounds abusive?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 08/05/2017 21:47

He needs to get a grip if he gets this dickish over some paint when he's got a 16 day old baby. It gets worse from here.

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