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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have 'humiliated' my MIL

999 replies

ImALurkerNotAFighter · 07/05/2017 11:22

MIL has an awful tendency to do 'penis portions'. I'd avoided staying with her for a few years, as when breastfeeding she'd served up a tiny inadequate meal, then told me she hadn't done a plate for DS as 'he could just have some of mine' Angry This was on top of sly little digs about my weight.
So MIL wanted us to stay this weekend so she could spend time with the DC. DH usually goes alone but apparently as I'm free this weekend it would be rude for me not to come. They very kindly babysat the asleep DC while we went to the pub. This morning MIL does breakfast for us and SIL and BIL. I get 1 small sausage, 1 half piece of bacon, 1 egg and a small slice of dry toast. MIL and SIL have similar. DH, FIL and BIL get 3 large sausages, 2 bacon, 2 eggs, beans and black pudding. I asked MIL if there was any more, she looked shocked and said no.
I was very cross at this point and walked round the table, took half the sausage, black pudding and beans off a very quiet DH to even it up (we were both left with pretty equal quantities) and sat back down.
MIL feels I have humiliated her, and 'at your size you clearly don't realise that was a proper breakfast '. I'm a size 18, so yes, fat.
I'm fuming and want to leave now. DH wants to stay and take them out for lunch as planned.
I know there are mumsnetters out there who believe the wimminz should subsist on a lettuce leaf and a sniff of meat, but sensible people of mumsnet WIBU? AIBU to pack the DC and leave?

OP posts:
Bobbins43 · 07/05/2017 23:10

Fucks sake, was it not just fucking RUDE to serve her less?!

Your MIL sounds horrendous, OP

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/05/2017 23:10

No one needs to "learn" anything, except possibly to keep their noses out of other peoples food choices.

Although I need to know what a fired egg and a crab heavy breakfast is :o

Bobbins43 · 07/05/2017 23:10

Oh and sexist. Rude AND sexist.

PurpleDaisies · 07/05/2017 23:11

I'd like a crab heavy breakfast. I wonder if a crab version of eggs Benedict exists? If not it should..,

Gwenhwyfar · 07/05/2017 23:11

"I believe that the issue is the complete discrepancy between the portions given to the different genders ie 326 to women and 1000 to men."

Sounds like the men were given too much rather than OP given too little, but that's not what she's complaining about.

user1494184470 · 07/05/2017 23:11

Yeah I was surprised when my rest day TDEE was 1600 when the recommended was 2000, everyone I know that tracks their TDEE it's less the 2000 unless they are male, it's seem 2000 is too much for the average women

BaronessEllaSaturday · 07/05/2017 23:13

What the op is mostly complaining about is the inequality.

user1494184470 · 07/05/2017 23:14

BaronessEllaSaturday

But biologically men and women are not equal, it's a scientific fact nothing can change that.

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/05/2017 23:14

When I initially started dieting to lose my excess weight I did it by low carbing. Myfitnesspal doesnt like low carbing it seems. It would go into a red shit fit at the amount of fat I was consuming, give me warnings about the amount of protein and tell me that I should be eating ten times the amount of carbs. My calorie count was through the roof but so what?

It was a sustainable, satisfying and successful way to lose weight and I only stopped doing it because of other reasons. The weight I lost has stayed off and when I can go back to it I will.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 07/05/2017 23:14

user1494184470

my average TDEE is 2400.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 07/05/2017 23:16

But biologically men and women are not equal, it's a scientific fact nothing can change that.

Here we go again. No men and women on average are not equal however they are not unequal to the ratio of 1:3

user1494184470 · 07/05/2017 23:17

PyongyangKipperbang

You can set the ratio's now, I have mine set to 25% Carb, 50% fat, 25% protein.

I do carb load on the day before and after I do 50-100KM cycles which is usually twice a week atm.

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/05/2017 23:18

Purple I have never had crab, is it anything like crayfish? I looovvvve crayfish and could cheeerfully have that for every meal!

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/05/2017 23:19

USer I neither need nor want your advice.

EmpressoftheMundane · 07/05/2017 23:20

Gwen, I know lots of people who don't have much appetite for breakfast and effectively eat 2 meals a day with just coffee and toast in the morning, or something like that. Works for them.

If people want three balanced meals (as in each meal roughly equal to the others in terms of calories) then 326 calories is too little for one of the meals. It's not a meal, it's a snack.

user1494184470 · 07/05/2017 23:21

BaronessEllaSaturday

Lucky you it gives you more options for meal plans, I only hit that on my cycling days. My friends TDEE on rest days range from the low of 1400 (she is a small woman) to mid 1900's I was surprised at the range when the recommend was 2000.

Original poster
ImALurkerNotAFighter · 07/05/2017 23:25

*Gwenhwyfar' 'needs to learn ' really! What patronising bullshit.
Your overly basic analysis ignores the psychological and hormonal basis of obesity.

OP posts:
Coastalcommand · 07/05/2017 23:25

The canteen where I used to work did this. Men would get huge portions, and women tiny ones. We all paid the same. I stopped going after a few weeks.

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2017 23:26

User + random numbers ..... Sorry I am not native English, I just see many fat English women and they don't seem to care, when I first come here I put on 3 stone cause English portions to big, but then I get fibit learn about TDEE and calorie need and get back in shape and stay healthy to see my kids grow up

You did not put on 3 stones because 'English portions are too big'.

You put on 3 stones because you decided to eat too much food.

Or are you suggesting that us English people forced food down your throat, and pushed your teeth up and down?

Gwenhwyfar · 07/05/2017 23:26

"If people want three balanced meals (as in each meal roughly equal to the others in terms of calories) then 326 calories is too little for one of the meals. It's not a meal, it's a snack."

But it's not usual to have the three meals be equal to each other. Breakfast is usually smaller so 326 is more than enough. If you accept a recommended maintenance level of 1600 as pps have mentioned above, then it seems fine to me.
Doesn't sound like OP's in danger of fading away if she has a normal sized breakfast.

Wando1986 · 07/05/2017 23:27

I would have lynched her tbh. Penis portions belong in 1952 and she'd be pulled up on it every time. Oh, and you clearly have a Husband issue too OP. What a knob. I'd be embarrassed if my son felt he couldn't pull me up on things I was genuinely doing wrong.

Gwenhwyfar · 07/05/2017 23:28

"You put on 3 stones because you decided to eat too much food.

Or are you suggesting that us English people forced food down your throat, and pushed your teeth up and down?"

I suspect she means that she felt pressure to finish her plate at restaurants or when eating with others.
Many people put on weight when going to 'fat' countries and lose it in 'slim' countries. It's difficult to exclude yourself from the dominant lifestyle.

Lweji · 07/05/2017 23:28

fired egg (...) and crab heavy breakfast sound great.

Is it like flambé and coconut crab?

user1494184470 · 07/05/2017 23:28

WorraLiberty

Yes it was my fault I ate big English portion of food, I corrected myself and lost that weight, I helping OP learn to she is thinking in big English man portion of food which is too much for her and how she can lead a healthy life for her and her kids.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 07/05/2017 23:29

But it's not usual to have the three meals be equal to each other. Breakfast is usually smaller so 326 is more than enough. If you accept a recommended maintenance level of 1600 as pps have mentioned above, then it seems fine to me.
Doesn't sound like OP's in danger of fading away if she has a normal sized breakfast.

But that isn't our decision to make, nor is it the mil decision how much the op eats. Besides I'm still laying bets on the complete discrepancy between the portion sizes being down to misogony since it is far too much to be due to biology.

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