To have 'humiliated' my MIL

[ImALurkerNotAFighter]

MIL has an awful tendency to do 'penis portions'. I'd avoided staying with her for a few years, as when breastfeeding she'd served up a tiny inadequate meal, then told me she hadn't done a plate for DS as 'he could just have some of mine' This was on top of sly little digs about my weight.
So MIL wanted us to stay this weekend so she could spend time with the DC. DH usually goes alone but apparently as I'm free this weekend it would be rude for me not to come. They very kindly babysat the asleep DC while we went to the pub. This morning MIL does breakfast for us and SIL and BIL. I get 1 small sausage, 1 half piece of bacon, 1 egg and a small slice of dry toast. MIL and SIL have similar. DH, FIL and BIL get 3 large sausages, 2 bacon, 2 eggs, beans and black pudding. I asked MIL if there was any more, she looked shocked and said no.
I was very cross at this point and walked round the table, took half the sausage, black pudding and beans off a very quiet DH to even it up (we were both left with pretty equal quantities) and sat back down.
MIL feels I have humiliated her, and 'at your size you clearly don't realise that was a proper breakfast '. I'm a size 18, so yes, fat.
I'm fuming and want to leave now. DH wants to stay and take them out for lunch as planned.
I know there are mumsnetters out there who believe the wimminz should subsist on a lettuce leaf and a sniff of meat, but sensible people of mumsnet WIBU? AIBU to pack the DC and leave?

tbh I don't understand this "i'm so fit but still big" thing I see all the time on MN. Like, genuinely don't get it so if someone could explain I would appreciate it. If you swim/run for hours and hours, that burns a lot of calories. You then burn more calories than you eat, therefore you lose weight. How could you exercise that much and not lose weight? I know you have muscular people like body builders, but even body builders who are female are fairly slim and they must eat ridiculous amounts of food to build muscle. And they have probably no body fat. I genuinely don't get the science behind it! So don't bite my head off :) :D

Tell her you believe you and your husband require equal portion sizes/calories and leave it at that.

People can't be expected to know things you haven't told them.

strugglinghuman It is clear that the MIL knows very well that the OP would like more. This isn't a one-off. She just doesn't think she should have more and is trying to make OP and daughter have her diet portions hence the bitchy comments and digs about OP's weight.

That said, 'There are women who are very tall and big built for whom being a size 18 would really not be that overweight' is one of the reasons there's an obesity crisis. It is deluded to think a size 18 would not be 'that overweight' if someone is 'big built' . A size 18 is very overweight, not morbidly obese like a size 22, but very overweight nonetheless.

That is just nonsense. WTAF is a 'size 18' anyway? I have clothes in all sizes from 8 to 14. It is why judging people's BMI let alone health by dress size is utter bollocks.

Trinity different people have different builds and muscle mass. Some people like me are slight and tend to be a bit flabby but never build muscle others do (ectomorphic types). Also if you do lots of exercise your body gets used to it and adjusts.

Roomster101

No way is it a "good size" portion unless you are tiny. I am slim and don't consider myself to have a huge appetite but if it was a weekend breakfast and I wasn't having lunch until later in the day I would want at least two slices of bacon and toast, egg and plenty of beans. Who eats half a slice of bacon!!

I'm not even close to tiny - I'm actually very tall with a broad build - but I eat a bowl of cereal and a bit of fruit for breakfast most mornings. I prefer to eat smaller meals and have snacks mid-morning and mid-afternoon.

The point was more that different people have different standards of what a "good sized" meal is and speaking and explaining oneself is better than assuming everyone has the same views.

I still think the MIL relationship is problematic and that's the real source of the stress. Also I mean "dry toast" is sort of the point of toast, I think OP is slightly exaggerating, same with half slice of bacon...doubt it. Probably just a small one.

Just a point that a tiny person of the same sex might need more food than an overweight person. they might be someone who burns calories quickly and that's why they are tiny.

The point was more that different people have different standards of what a "good sized" meal is and speaking and explaining oneself is better than assuming everyone has the same views.

I was commenting on your point that OP received a "good sized portion" They weren't going to be having smaller meals and snack mid morning and afternoon though. This was a weekend breakfast and they were going to be having a late lunch so not really similar to a weekday breakfast when most people wouldn't be having fried food. Few people would regard it as a "good size" portion under those circumstances. The MIL certainly doesn't think it is a "good size" as she has given the men *much" more, not just 20% more or whatever people claim men need versus women.
I don't know if you have read the whole thread, but I think it is pretty clear that this is not a case of "poor communication" and more a case of the MIL thinks OP should join her on a diet and is going to give her small portions whether she likes it or not, hence the bitchy comments.

Which just adds to the general "you can't decide/ calculate another person's needs or portion and should let them choose" argument.

Also, my female friend is 6'3" and at a soze 12/14 ish is very slim. If she were size 18 she wouldn't be overweight.

I wonder what size portion the MIL would serve her?

I can't find any reference to that? Not that it matters but I haven't seen it.

Yes, OP has said the MIL is overweight.. It was on Sunday evening, I think.

I'm not defending the MIL, I'm giving OP tips to deal with it more constructively.

As I said, my MIL has cooked inadequately for me in the past (i.e. things she knows I don't or can't eat) and so I just get up and help and make sure I get the things I like rather than moan and groan about it.

MILs can be horrible I know but if I need to eat I make it happen for myself.

*I'm not defending the MIL, I'm giving OP tips to deal with it more constructively.

I think OP has decided that she just wouldn't eat at the MIL again which seems fair enough.

Roomster101 OK never mind then!

My in-laws live in a different country, if I didn't eat at their house when we visit I'd starve!

If someone needs a a size 18 as the op admits, they are overweight.

Perhaps, I am tall and if I was a size 18 I would be overweight, but I wouldn't be obese I would estimate I would need to be about 14st so BMI of 28. This is hardly a BMI that is likely to affect the health of someone with a larger/ more muscular build. It is hardly 'massively fat'.

But then the whole 'health' argument is just a way of having a go at women who don't have the figures of models. Y'know the ones who aren't slight and tiny. It has nothing to do with health at all.

But I'm a good 5" shorter than Blacktea's friend

Trinity I have a friend who does triathlons and is bigger than me. She ran a marathon last week. I couldn't run for the bus. Physical fitness and size are different things - look at worlds strongest man competitions, they mostly seem quite tubby but they are athletes all the same. Those beefy models with muscles like silk that you see in ads look fit but would not be able to lift a truck

I doubt the MIL is overweight.

Why? People who are overweight I think are often the nastiest about people who are fatter than them.