To have 'humiliated' my MIL

[ImALurkerNotAFighter]

MIL has an awful tendency to do 'penis portions'. I'd avoided staying with her for a few years, as when breastfeeding she'd served up a tiny inadequate meal, then told me she hadn't done a plate for DS as 'he could just have some of mine' This was on top of sly little digs about my weight.
So MIL wanted us to stay this weekend so she could spend time with the DC. DH usually goes alone but apparently as I'm free this weekend it would be rude for me not to come. They very kindly babysat the asleep DC while we went to the pub. This morning MIL does breakfast for us and SIL and BIL. I get 1 small sausage, 1 half piece of bacon, 1 egg and a small slice of dry toast. MIL and SIL have similar. DH, FIL and BIL get 3 large sausages, 2 bacon, 2 eggs, beans and black pudding. I asked MIL if there was any more, she looked shocked and said no.
I was very cross at this point and walked round the table, took half the sausage, black pudding and beans off a very quiet DH to even it up (we were both left with pretty equal quantities) and sat back down.
MIL feels I have humiliated her, and 'at your size you clearly don't realise that was a proper breakfast '. I'm a size 18, so yes, fat.
I'm fuming and want to leave now. DH wants to stay and take them out for lunch as planned.
I know there are mumsnetters out there who believe the wimminz should subsist on a lettuce leaf and a sniff of meat, but sensible people of mumsnet WIBU? AIBU to pack the DC and leave?

I think overcooking when you've got guests and plying them with food is damaging

So if we follow your logic the MIL was completely out of line as she overfed the men to ridiculous degree.

What she should have done is given everyone the same small 'starter portion' and left the rest on the side. Then whoever wants more can have more. Sorted, everyone is happy, no forcing food on anyone.

If you had a family member who was an alcoholic would you offer them drink? No, you'd be called an enabler, but if someone is very overweight you're supposed to enable them???

Seriously?

If you had a family member who was an alcoholic would you offer them drink? No, you'd be called an enabler, but if someone is very overweight you're supposed to enable them???

The same applies, people make their own choices in life as long as they don't hurt you. If someone was going to drink themselves into a coma I wouldn't invite them round in the first place tbh. If not then it's their choice. In any case alcoholics on MN start at people who drink 2 glasses of wine a night.

If a female friend came to eat with me I would cook about twice what I'd normally cook so she'd have about the same portion as me

You're a bad host, then. What if she was hungrier than you?

"So if we follow your logic the MIL was completely out of line as she overfed the men to ridiculous degree."

Yes, she was wrong there.

"The same applies, people make their own choices in life as long as they don't hurt you."

This goes against general thinking. The usual advice is not to give alcohol to alcoholics. If the alcoholic is a family member, it does hurt you.

"You're a bad host, then. What if she was hungrier than you?"

How would I know in advance? I wouldn't over cook and I wouldn't over feed.

"What she should have done is given everyone the same small 'starter portion' and left the rest on the side. "

What side? I think that's the issue with plating. It depends how big your dinner table is or whether you have a buffet piece of furniture or something and enough dishes to put everything in. I would have thought that it was normal for something like a traditional breakfast to be served straight from the pan anyway.

Why wouldn't you cook to take into account that your guest's needs may be greater than yours?
It's baffling that anyone thinks that someone else should only eat up to as much as themselves.
Again, poor hosting. Just as bad, or worse than forcing people to eat more than they want (usually my pet hate).

"Why wouldn't you cook to take into account that your guest's needs may be greater than yours? "

I don't know exactly how much they would want to eat so I'd have to guess. If another woman, I'd guess about the same as me so that's what I'd prepare. If I cooked any more I'd end up trying to ply more food on to her, overeating myself or wasting.

If I cooked any more I'd end up trying to ply more food on to her, overeating myself or wasting.

Never heard of leftovers?

How many size 18 women do you know that are that size due to muscle and fat?

I swim 3-4 times a week, train with masters and clock up about 20,000m a month. I am fit. With LOTS of lovely muscle and a wobbly belly... Its a work in progress, but I'm swimming cos I love it and that for me is the most important thing

the issue here is that the host was rude to dish up different portions based on the gender of the guest. She should have asked or better made the food a serve yourself affair.

Host was unspeakably rude and H was a weak prick, given there have been very serious issues on this subject before.

I get 1 small sausage, 1 half piece of bacon, 1 egg and a small slice of dry toast.

That seems like a good sized portion to me.

Seems the real issue is that you have a large appetite - which is perfectly fine! - and your MIL is rude about it and you are perhaps sensitive about it. So you're not communicating properly. Once the food is cooked is not the time to say that it isn't enough. I would say it's odd not to have any more food though. Breakfast food doesn't keep well so I understand not frying up loads of extra eggs/sausage/bacon but does she only buy enough food for one meal at a time?

One more thing - I'm a picky eater and I've gotten involved in cooking at MILs house to ensure that I get what I want to eat. Good way to show you're helpful and bond a bit too. Maybe try that next time?

I don't know exactly how much they would want to eat so I'd have to guess. If another woman, I'd guess about the same as me so that's what I'd prepare. If I cooked any more I'd end up trying to ply more food on to her, overeating myself or wasting.

I could understand that if she was a similar height/build but I think it is quite sexist to assume that she would have the same portion as you based solely on her gender. One of my DD's female teenage friends is 5'11'' , athletic and still growing. Unless you are similar would you honestly assume that she has the same dietary requirements as you while assuming that a shorter older man needs more food?
Anyway, considering the MIL is overweight I doubt she is giving the other women her "normal" portion. It's more the case that she is on a diet and wants other women to share her misery whether they want to or not.

*f I had a family member who was overweight i wouldn't openly serve up a huge portion I would give them a normal one and to me what she served you was a suitable amount of food for breakfast+

Wow. It doesn't get much more judgemental than that. Are you able to serve the food with your judgey pants hoiked up so high? You must walk funny to the table. 😂

I'm still stuck on half a slice of bacon I've never seen an adult been served half a slice of bacon before, that's what I did for my son when he was little.

I'm a size 10 and would expect more in a cooked breakfast! So she was being a bitch.
But I would stay, as you don't want her turning this all round on you

That seems like a good sized portion to me.

No way is it a "good size" portion unless you are tiny. I am slim and don't consider myself to have a huge appetite but if it was a weekend breakfast and I wasn't having lunch until later in the day I would want at least two slices of bacon and toast, egg and plenty of beans. Who eats half a slice of bacon!!