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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have 'humiliated' my MIL

999 replies

ImALurkerNotAFighter · 07/05/2017 11:22

MIL has an awful tendency to do 'penis portions'. I'd avoided staying with her for a few years, as when breastfeeding she'd served up a tiny inadequate meal, then told me she hadn't done a plate for DS as 'he could just have some of mine' Angry This was on top of sly little digs about my weight.
So MIL wanted us to stay this weekend so she could spend time with the DC. DH usually goes alone but apparently as I'm free this weekend it would be rude for me not to come. They very kindly babysat the asleep DC while we went to the pub. This morning MIL does breakfast for us and SIL and BIL. I get 1 small sausage, 1 half piece of bacon, 1 egg and a small slice of dry toast. MIL and SIL have similar. DH, FIL and BIL get 3 large sausages, 2 bacon, 2 eggs, beans and black pudding. I asked MIL if there was any more, she looked shocked and said no.
I was very cross at this point and walked round the table, took half the sausage, black pudding and beans off a very quiet DH to even it up (we were both left with pretty equal quantities) and sat back down.
MIL feels I have humiliated her, and 'at your size you clearly don't realise that was a proper breakfast '. I'm a size 18, so yes, fat.
I'm fuming and want to leave now. DH wants to stay and take them out for lunch as planned.
I know there are mumsnetters out there who believe the wimminz should subsist on a lettuce leaf and a sniff of meat, but sensible people of mumsnet WIBU? AIBU to pack the DC and leave?

OP posts:
Lweji · 07/05/2017 23:30

What I want to know is if Fibit helps to keep people out of other people's food choices.

Based on this thread, no.

Lweji · 07/05/2017 23:31

Funny how I lived in the UK for more than a decade and didn't put any weight on.

Gwenhwyfar · 07/05/2017 23:32

"Your overly basic analysis ignores the psychological and hormonal basis of obesity."

Why is obesity more common in countries where the diet is very bad if it's all down to psychological and hormonal issues? We have an obese population because as a whole we eat too much in this country. Yes, on an individual level there are specific factors that make certain individuals overweight or obese, but the main cause is too much eating of the wrong things.

WankingMonkey · 07/05/2017 23:32

You didn't humiliate her at all. She tried to humiliate you though and sounds a nasty piece of work

''at your size you clearly don't realise that was a proper breakfast '' Shock Horrible horrible person. I would have been fantasizing about throwing the whole breakfast AT her tbh

Dumbo412 · 07/05/2017 23:33

Well done op, I'd have loved to see her face

Gwenhwyfar · 07/05/2017 23:33

"Funny how I lived in the UK for more than a decade and didn't put any weight on."

Where are you from originally Lweji. Most of the French people I know living here have put on weight since being here. Obviously if you were from an even more over-eating culture like the US, you might lose weight.

C8H10N4O2 · 07/05/2017 23:34

Not according to MN.
Men and women are exactly the same and need the same amount of calories

Do you not understand basic statistics and variation? Its very simple - the average requirement for men is higher than for women. The variation those two groups is greater than the difference between the averages.

The average requirement for older people is greater than for younger people, I'm still looking for the threads complaining that portion size is being controlled based on age - its always based on gender irrespective of the target's weight.

In this case the MiL isn't getting it right for herself either as both she and SiL are overweight.

Plus its fucking rude to invite someone to your house, lecture them about their weight and control their portions whilst stuffing other guests.

You and Use should trot off and claim your Fitbit commission - you can spend it on statistics lessons.

Gwenhwyfar · 07/05/2017 23:41

"The average requirement for older people is greater than for younger people"

Really? I thought your requirement went down as you get older as you're generally les active. Old people don't tend to be massive eaters.

Lweji · 07/05/2017 23:41

The point is that simply living in a given country doesn't make people gain or lose weight.

And quite frankly, telling the OP how much she should or shouldn't be eating here is not only beside the point as as much as rude as her MIL.

Gwenhwyfar · 07/05/2017 23:42

"nor is it the mil decision how much the op eats."

Presumably mil had bought and cooked the food so can dole it out as she wants. She hasn't forbidden OP from bringing additional food if she feels the need.

Gwenhwyfar · 07/05/2017 23:43

"The point is that simply living in a given country doesn't make people gain or lose weight. "

I disagree. I don't have time to look up the stats now, but it does tend to work that way.

C8H10N4O2 · 07/05/2017 23:44

I thought your requirement went down

yes sorry - meant the other way around. Statement stands though - I don't see threads about portion control based on age, its always about women having their food controlled. Their weight is not relevant.

(see my pp about being portion controlled by MiL when i was unhealthily underweight)

EmpressoftheMundane · 07/05/2017 23:44

I don't accept that 1600 is a maintenance level for most women. I lean towards the NHS and USDA who suggest that 2000 calories is about right. For 1600 a day to be right, the women would have to be petit and sedentary, and possibly post-menopausal.

It's completely valid for the OP to want to have breakfast as a meal, not a snack. (I also think it's valid not to be a breakfast person, and to prefer something very light. I can't do the "eat breakfast like a King" thing because I have no appetite in the morning.)

This thread made me curious so I got Googling. I have no idea if this site is any good but they suggest that one should aim for 400-700 calories for breakfast. (I could never do it, but it's clearly not unreasonable to eat an actual meal for breakfast.)

www.healthsomeness.com/how-many-calories-for-breakfast/

Original poster
ImALurkerNotAFighter · 07/05/2017 23:46

Gwenhwyfar culture and the alteration of hormone levels induced by obesity.
You burn less calories as you age.

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 07/05/2017 23:47

She hasn't forbidden OP from bringing additional food if she feels the need.

We don't know this. We have had threads on the subject of women's food being controlled before where the host took offense if the woman brought her own food into the house.

Its bloody rude to treat anyone like this when they are a guest in your house. I don't care what size they are, an adult women should be treated with the same respect and agency as a man.

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/05/2017 23:50

Funny how the OP managed to phrase all her posts pretty much perfectly, the odd spelling mistake aside and who hasnt done that?

And then we get this.....

Yes it was my fault I ate big English portion of food, I corrected myself and lost that weight, I helping OP learn to she is thinking in big English man portion of food which is too much for her and how she can lead a healthy life for her and her kids.

Over playing your part there my dear. Did you forget which character you are supposed to be on this thread as opposed to the many others you have doubtless invaded with your pathetic attempted sales spiel?

user1494184470 · 07/05/2017 23:51

C8H10N4O2

Its bloody rude to treat anyone like this when they are an athlete in a sport. I don't care what sex they where born as, a transwomen should be treated with the same respect and agency as a woman

You will find most people on MN don't agree men and women are biologically the same

Lweji · 07/05/2017 23:52

Presumably mil had bought and cooked the food so can dole it out as she wants. She hasn't forbidden OP from bringing additional food if she feels the need.

I have no words. FFS. Who does this?

Gwenhwyfar · 07/05/2017 23:55

"Gwenhwyfar culture"

Exactly. Culture includes our attitudes to food. The same hormonal changes would affect people in other countries.

paxillin · 07/05/2017 23:56

People who control other people's portions do so irrespective of the perceived need. I have an aunt who overfeeds male guests and underfeeds female ones. I am normal weight, but of course "you don't want to put weight on". My underweight cousin will clearly "want to keep her enviable figure" and the overweight one "could do with losing some". All men are given plenty and are encouraged to go back for more, equally irrespective of their weight. I smuggle bags of nuts and eat them secretly, she would object to guests bringing food. I bet OP's MIL would, too.

Gwenhwyfar · 07/05/2017 23:56

"For 1600 a day to be right, the women would have to be petit and sedentary, and possibly post-menopausal. "

Most women in this country have sedentary jobs these days.

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2017 23:57

User plus random numbers, why have you suddenly started typing in pigeon English?

BaronessEllaSaturday · 07/05/2017 23:59

Presumably mil had bought and cooked the food so can dole it out as she wants

Yes she can, then she can be called out on her shit hosting skills and her blatant misogynistic attitude that shows that she thinks men deserve 3 times as much as women despite not having the biological requirement to have 3 times as much

PickAChew · 07/05/2017 23:59

If ever threre was a good reason to change your name from user14820047279749449279427472947 it's because peple might mistake you for the increaibl thinck and undoubtedly deliberately obtuse user104472740024820480253757 from upthread.

As soon as anyone suggests that a meal 2-3 times the size of OP's is what a man needs in comparison to OP's they've automatically lost the plot.

PickAChew · 08/05/2017 00:00

incredibly thick

My fingers have gone to bed already. I should follow suit.

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