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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have 'humiliated' my MIL

999 replies

ImALurkerNotAFighter · 07/05/2017 11:22

MIL has an awful tendency to do 'penis portions'. I'd avoided staying with her for a few years, as when breastfeeding she'd served up a tiny inadequate meal, then told me she hadn't done a plate for DS as 'he could just have some of mine' Angry This was on top of sly little digs about my weight.
So MIL wanted us to stay this weekend so she could spend time with the DC. DH usually goes alone but apparently as I'm free this weekend it would be rude for me not to come. They very kindly babysat the asleep DC while we went to the pub. This morning MIL does breakfast for us and SIL and BIL. I get 1 small sausage, 1 half piece of bacon, 1 egg and a small slice of dry toast. MIL and SIL have similar. DH, FIL and BIL get 3 large sausages, 2 bacon, 2 eggs, beans and black pudding. I asked MIL if there was any more, she looked shocked and said no.
I was very cross at this point and walked round the table, took half the sausage, black pudding and beans off a very quiet DH to even it up (we were both left with pretty equal quantities) and sat back down.
MIL feels I have humiliated her, and 'at your size you clearly don't realise that was a proper breakfast '. I'm a size 18, so yes, fat.
I'm fuming and want to leave now. DH wants to stay and take them out for lunch as planned.
I know there are mumsnetters out there who believe the wimminz should subsist on a lettuce leaf and a sniff of meat, but sensible people of mumsnet WIBU? AIBU to pack the DC and leave?

OP posts:
Didyoumeantobesorude1 · 07/05/2017 22:56

This thread is a full explanation of the British obesity crisis.

Lweji · 07/05/2017 22:56

This is a joke right? We spend £100 on food in about three weeks.

You're not buying enough black truffles.

Original poster
ImALurkerNotAFighter · 07/05/2017 22:57

lweji sadly no.
We do both own loo brushes though.
I had a cleaner while on maternity leave too Grin

OP posts:
BaronessEllaSaturday · 07/05/2017 22:57

Lets get the scale of the issue into proportion. Yes men and women on average have different requirements but not by that much. According to MFP (or at least the best I can do not having seen the actual meal) the women were given approx 326 calories while the men had a whopping 1000 calories. This is far far outside the actual difference in average requirements when you consider that this is only one meal and normally the smallest meal of the day. The difference in portions is not to do with dietary requirements are they would be more proportionate.

ThouShallNotPass · 07/05/2017 22:57

User, I'm sorry your life is so miserable, spending all day counting every calorie you eat, refusing nice food and running yourself ragged because you said okay to that last Rolo.

I'd rather be slightly chubby and content than have my life ruled by a little piece of overpriced plastic on my wrist.

RedDogsBeg · 07/05/2017 22:57

user if you cannot see how what you are saying is offensive and not in any way relevant to the premise of the thread then I just can't be bothered to waste the energy required in responding to you.

OlennasWimple · 07/05/2017 22:59

idoidoidoidoido - I said pages back that men need more calories than women, but most of MN seem to disagree

Mrsmadevans - is picking up on a spelling error really necessary? Hmm

PyongyangKipperbang · 07/05/2017 22:59

Users life isnt miserable as he/she spends their time posting on forums promoting whatever piece of crap they are being paid to promote.

And not doing a very good job of it either!

mrsc1985 · 07/05/2017 23:00

My MIL used to make sly comments about weight. And I used to laugh to myself most of the time because she was a fat fuck who's back was giving way because she wouldn't lose weight (harsh but true)
Yet she thought it appropriate to judge my baby weight.
We are NC now for many reason but YANBU to be fucking furious with her behaviour OP she sounds a complete fucking nightmare

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/05/2017 23:01

This thread is a full explanation of the British obesity crisis

I think we all know how calorific a fry up is.

Which is why most people probably hardly ever have It. Can hardly blame them for actually wanting to enjoy it when they do get to have one.

No way in hell would the three or four I have a year become as pointless as to be having half a slice of bacon.

reetgood · 07/05/2017 23:01

Fitbits are inaccurate in calculating both your basic metabolic rate and the rate at which you burn energy mobile.nytimes.com/2016/05/26/technology/personaltech/fitbit-accuracy.html

The way in which we work out the calorific content of food is often out mobile.nytimes.com/blogs/well/2015/04/27/on-food-labels-calorie-miscounts/?referer=

Data is inadequate. To make decisions based on inadequate data is silly.

Therefore to rely on the calories in/ out model you are relying on inaccurate data. The most accurate indicator is your hunger, although many of us find that hard to tune into.

This is also why adults don't get to tell other adults how much, and what to eat.

mrsc1985 · 07/05/2017 23:01

User I love my Fitbit but I'm not a sanctimonious twat about it 😉😏

Gwenhwyfar · 07/05/2017 23:01

"the women were given approx 326 calories"

Do you really think that's not enough for breakfast?

Nanny0gg · 07/05/2017 23:02

I disagree with that. Seeing as most women have cereal and milk for breakfast it was a large breakfast considering it wasn't being eaten as brunch.

If I'm away I like a full English. Often following cereal.

I am a size 12. (if it matters)

PurpleDaisies · 07/05/2017 23:02

I said pages back that men need more calories than women, but most of MN seem to disagree

I agree that women do need more calories but it's up to them to regulate their food intake, not have some patronising mil force some unwanted diet upon them.

Idoidoidoidoido · 07/05/2017 23:04

This is making me hungry.

user1494184470 · 07/05/2017 23:05

Gileswithachainsaw

Most mornings I have two sausages with a fired egg for breakfast, Nothing wrong with a fry up is you now and keep it the calories needed.

A correct fry up is a great breakfast as it give a slow release of energy all day, unlike cereal or a crab heavy breakfast that will cause an energy crash around 11.

You need to learn food is not the problem it's the amounts.

Gwenhwyfar · 07/05/2017 23:05

"If I'm away I like a full English. Often following cereal."

Do you then have lunch and dinner as you would normally?
A lot of people have a very small lunch if they're staying in the hotel because they want to take advantage of the breakfast if it comes in the price, but eating a traditional British breakfast, then going out for lunch, then having dinner as usual...

BaronessEllaSaturday · 07/05/2017 23:05

Gwenhwyfa I have not said whether I believe it is adequate or not as I do not think that is relevant to the conversation. I believe that the issue is the complete discrepancy between the portions given to the different genders ie 326 to women and 1000 to men.

PurpleDaisies · 07/05/2017 23:06

I think we all know how calorific a fry up is.

Which is why most people probably hardly ever have It. Can hardly blame them for actually wanting to enjoy it when they do get to have one.

Exactly. It's perfectly fine to have an occasional high calorie "bad" meal as part of an overall balanced diet. I don't understand why people don't get that

EmpressoftheMundane · 07/05/2017 23:06

I disagree that it was the right amount of calories to maintain a healthy weight. The OP needs about 2000 calories a day to maintain a healthy weight (and if she is a size 18, she would slowly and healthily lose weight on this amount of calories.) Her breakfast was about 350 as she described it. It should have been more, unless the plan is to fill up on lots of snacks. It's just my personal opinion, but I find the calories I eat in my meals tend to be more nutritious than skimping on meals and snacking.

ThouShallNotPass · 07/05/2017 23:06

It's a fry up on a weekend staying overnight with family. I doubt it's an everyday thing. By the description of the menfolk's breakfasts it was a special breakfast and as such, EVERYONE deserved to enjoy it or why go to the bother of doing it at all?!

Fry-ups are high calorie deliciousness to be enjoyed once in a while. Not fucking rationed just because you have a vagina!

Gwenhwyfar · 07/05/2017 23:06

"You need to learn food is not the problem it's the amounts."

This is what OP needs to learn.
If I have a fry up in a cafe, I won't then have lunch and dinner. If I'm having a cooked breakfast at home it will just be fried egg on toast or something simple.

PurpleDaisies · 07/05/2017 23:07

You need to learn food is not the problem it's the amounts.

You need to learn there's not one way to eat healthily and to stop lecturing other people on their choices.

Most days I eat toast for breakfast and it keeps me going until lunch.

Gwenhwyfar · 07/05/2017 23:09

Empress, I have cereal and milk for breakfast and it comes to less than 350 cals. I don't see why it's not enough if you're going out for lunch later.
I'm not convinced that the average woman should be eating 2k calories a day either. I think a hell of a lot of people need less than that, but that the recommendations haven't been updated.