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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have 'humiliated' my MIL

999 replies

ImALurkerNotAFighter · 07/05/2017 11:22

MIL has an awful tendency to do 'penis portions'. I'd avoided staying with her for a few years, as when breastfeeding she'd served up a tiny inadequate meal, then told me she hadn't done a plate for DS as 'he could just have some of mine' Angry This was on top of sly little digs about my weight.
So MIL wanted us to stay this weekend so she could spend time with the DC. DH usually goes alone but apparently as I'm free this weekend it would be rude for me not to come. They very kindly babysat the asleep DC while we went to the pub. This morning MIL does breakfast for us and SIL and BIL. I get 1 small sausage, 1 half piece of bacon, 1 egg and a small slice of dry toast. MIL and SIL have similar. DH, FIL and BIL get 3 large sausages, 2 bacon, 2 eggs, beans and black pudding. I asked MIL if there was any more, she looked shocked and said no.
I was very cross at this point and walked round the table, took half the sausage, black pudding and beans off a very quiet DH to even it up (we were both left with pretty equal quantities) and sat back down.
MIL feels I have humiliated her, and 'at your size you clearly don't realise that was a proper breakfast '. I'm a size 18, so yes, fat.
I'm fuming and want to leave now. DH wants to stay and take them out for lunch as planned.
I know there are mumsnetters out there who believe the wimminz should subsist on a lettuce leaf and a sniff of meat, but sensible people of mumsnet WIBU? AIBU to pack the DC and leave?

OP posts:
ENFJ · 07/05/2017 11:33

Ps, can I ask, is your husband overweight too? ie, an overweight man can have a big breakfast but an overweight woman must be at least seen to be dieting?

GeekyWombat · 07/05/2017 11:33

Another one saying stick it out. Hopefully she'll never pull that crap again. Well done on calling her out on it.

Big roast dinner and dessert in the offing? I do hope so!

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 07/05/2017 11:33

Yes, I'd go home.

Your size and weight is none of her business. She's a bitch for making it so.
She clearly has no class or manners. Not an example to set for your children.

I wouldn't bother going again.

RedheadLover · 07/05/2017 11:33

Oh gosh, this is one of the reasons why when I do breakfasts I put everything on hot plates and ask people to help themselves to what they would like.

I think your MIL was BU and your DH should have said something about it or offered some of his breakfast to you rather than you having to take the action you did. Having said that, I don't blame you!

NoSquirrels · 07/05/2017 11:33

It's done now. You made your point, so personally as you're out to lunch anyway there is no danger of it happening for another meal, so you might as well enjoy ordering and eating what you want.

So I think YWBU to leave, because it makes life horrid for DH even if your MIL has issues that are annoying

alltouchedout · 07/05/2017 11:33

Itsmine
"Maybe she thought as you are overweight she was being discreet by giving you a small portion"
What on earth is discreet about that? What the heck has op's weight got to do with the mil?

flumpybear · 07/05/2017 11:34

You've made the first step!! Don't back down. Order whatever you fancy for lunch. If she ever dares say anything about portions etc pull her up on it- hard. Have responses. Tell her you are an adult and make decisions, you're not Woolley and you don't agree women take a back seat to men - tell her the word is equality and although it wasn't around in her day and age, it is now and you make your own decisions
Cheeky cow!!

Original poster
ImALurkerNotAFighter · 07/05/2017 11:34

navyandwhite i haven't let cook for me for years. They usually come to us, but now they've had an extension done there's room for us. The last time she did it I did point out I was hungry. This was ignored.
Its a late lunch we have booked and breakfast was early so yes, smiling sweetly and eating loads may well be the way forward.
I haven't said much other than 'oh dear, I'm sorry you feel that way ' and have been around the DC ever since so she can't start.

OP posts:
notapizzaeater · 07/05/2017 11:35

She's the one that's rude, I'd be starving with that.

As soon as she told me I needed to loose weight I'd have been gone - you're an adult and capable of deciding what yiu want yo look like

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 07/05/2017 11:35

Have a huge lunch out and make sure it's the last meal you eat together. .
And make sure to pinch a bit off dh plate too!!

PieceOfTheMoon · 07/05/2017 11:35

I'm more surprised at your DH not offering you some of his food in the first place! Was he happy to sit a scoff a big meal and watch you go hungry?!

MuseumGardens · 07/05/2017 11:35

I think your dh should have tackled her about it before. He needs to back you up on this so it doesn't happen again. Cheeky cow saying "at your size you clearly don't realise that was a proper breakfast"

averythinline · 07/05/2017 11:35

I would see it through - with gritted teeth - have you or Dh spoken about it to her before?

I don't think its right but she may just be v stuck in her ways my step- gran was like this but was a lovely lady who was amazed at my appetite!
She was more than happy for me to help myself to more though as was a lovely host,
MIL serves tiny portions to everybody so at least is consistent Grin cannot understand why anybody would want more than 2 small new potatoes ...

so whilst my inital reaction would be to go and not see them again maybe Navy has a point....if however you have had a conversation or 3 about it in the past then she's had her chance...and I would go to lunch (as I am stubborn) and just would not stay with them again...

trinitybleu · 07/05/2017 11:36

Erm, why didn't DH offer you some of his? You shouldn't have to go and take it!

Birdsgottaf1y · 07/05/2017 11:36

Your DH should have offered to share his, before you even got up.

I'd shut her up when she makes a size jibe, by replying "well, as long as your son's happy with what he's getting". I can remember Nadia Sawalha saying to Perez Hilton, that as long as her Husband continued to worship her arse, she wasn't about to do anything to change its size.

My eldest DD sees food as a challenge, she out eats everyone. She's a size 8-10, in real sizing, not vanity. She's just extremely active and does weight lifting, on top.

But it isn't about size. My DH could eat anything, his Mother was the 'pile the plate with meat' type and it rubbed off. His Heart Attack came as no surprise to me. You should have had beans, at least, they're nutritional.

Don't leave, stay and work out some comebacks for the PA remarks that you will now get.

Itsnotmesothere · 07/05/2017 11:36

Doesn't matter if you are fat. That was very mean to give everyone such an obviously bigger amount. I tend to serve everyone the same or ask them how much they want. You made your point. What would you gain from leaving apart from peace and quiet? Grin Would DH be upset? Better probably to just grin and bear it. It would only give your MIL a chance to talk about how unreasonable you are.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 11:36

Gosh she is nasty, good on you, she needs telling. I would stick it out, and not go over there, DH can. I hate these man portions. My MIL does not do this, she is very generous, but I hate it.

witsender · 07/05/2017 11:37

Love it. Tbh I am plump even when not pregnant, but I know all about portion sizes. I just tend to ignore them, as I am quite happy in myself and love food. If anyone tried to ration me I wouldn't be best pleased, I am a fully functioning adult.

I wouldn't leave, I would just continue in the same vein. She is embarrassed because she has been 'caught out', so just continue firmly with a smile.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 07/05/2017 11:37

At least you have an excuse not to visit again.

"No darling, your mother starves me."

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 11:37

I would have said, can I have a whole piece of bacon, and beans and black pudding please, as you appear to have missed that out.

SweetLuck · 07/05/2017 11:37

If you don't think YABU surely you just have to say to her that you want a 'man size' portion before she plates up next time?

user1491572121 · 07/05/2017 11:38

My DH would have just offered me half in front of MIL and your DH should be more supportive of you.

Sugarformyhoney · 07/05/2017 11:38

Take the cunt out for lunch and only let her have a side salad

user1491572121 · 07/05/2017 11:39

Oh and OP...I'm a size 10-12 and I'd eat two or three bits of bacon, one egg and toast with butter. I don't like sausages but if I did I'd probably have one too!

BenadrylCucumberpatch · 07/05/2017 11:39

Maybe she thought as you are overweight she was being discreet by giving you a small portion

Hmm unless OP has expressly said "A bit less for me please MIL, I'm trying to lose a few pounds" then serving up a child portion to an adult woman is a passive aggressive way of telling her you think she's fat and needs to eat less, without actually saying the words.
Unacceptable behaviour.