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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset friend treated gift like this

292 replies

TooTiredAgain · 07/05/2017 10:02

Don't you think it's rude when you give someone a present and they show that they dislike it?

I gave a good friend a newborn hooded towel from M&S as a gift when she had her second baby. I could see instantly that she did not look impressed. It was worth similar to what she spent when I had my baby, so it wasn't because it was small or anything. She put it on the arm of the chair, then her eldest child knocked it off and KICKED IT AROUND THE FLOOR, for some time. She did not tell them off. I pretended I did not notice, but I thought it was rude.

Is it a rubbish present for a newborn?

On a separate note, it was actually regifted gift. I often put aside gifts that I recieve with tags on, to regift if I don't need them. However, she would not know that. I received it from a neighbour, but I already had a lot of towels for my baby. But, I acted as if I loved the present when she gave it me! LOL.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 07/05/2017 10:07

Did she smile and say thanks? If so she did all that is required of a knackered new mother with a toddler to boot. She likely didn't notice or care about the toddler kicking it because it's, you know, a towel ?

Nothing inherently wrong with regifting but a mother of two will already have this item and there are limits about how delighted you can get with a baby towel.

So YABU.

LilacSpatula · 07/05/2017 10:07

YANBU - that's just rude. If she doesn't like it she can take it back.

snapcrap · 07/05/2017 10:09

You're probably being paranoid. She's got a new baby and a toddler and is a wee bit distracted and frazzled right now! If she didn't say thank you that's a different matter.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 07/05/2017 10:09

YANBU, can't believe Matilda thinks it's normal to allow a toddler to kick a brand new towel around on the floor! Glad I'm not her friend Hmm

ollieplimsoles · 07/05/2017 10:10

It was worth similar to what she spent when I had my baby

It was worth nothing to you, you got it free and even you didn't like it. You ate expecting a woman who has just had a baby with a million other things on her mind, to make sure your feelings aren't hurt when you give her yet more crap I'm sure she's already knee deep in.

Why don't you give her something useful? Like offer to take her other child for an hour so she can have a rest? In stressed of using her to get rid of rubbish you don't want?

Blimey01 · 07/05/2017 10:10

Yep rude. I don't care how knackered you are basic manners take no effort at all.
I always regift things if I don't need them. Nowt wrong with that

sirfredfredgeorge · 07/05/2017 10:11

A towel can be kicked around the floor, it doesn't break the towel or do anything else, the towel needed washing before use anyway, so I'm missing the problem.

And over effusive thanks for gifts you don't like is why you keep getting gifts you don't like and need to regift them.

ollieplimsoles · 07/05/2017 10:11

instead and are
On my phone

Asmoto · 07/05/2017 10:12

YANBU - It wouldn't have involved any effort to say "Please stop kicking my nice new towel around".

Blimey01 · 07/05/2017 10:13

Wow ollieplimsoles...
For all you know OP has offered to help with baby. Id hardly call a m&s towel thingy that's never been used rubbish. Who's rang your bell this morning....

SquatBetty · 07/05/2017 10:14

Fucking rude. Yes a towel is not the most exciting present but it is no effort to thank the gift giver no matter how knackered and distracted you are.
I would have had a kind word with the child kicking it about though and picked it back off the floor though.

Floggingmolly · 07/05/2017 10:14

Why did you regift it? Did you not like it either? Grin

bakingaddict · 07/05/2017 10:17

Maybe she does know you've regifted it especially as you have form for doing that sort of thing. Sometimes you can tell if an item has been regifted or got from car boot as that stock is no longer current in stores

tammytheterminator · 07/05/2017 10:19

YANBU

I rarely give presents or send cards these days for similar reasons.

ollieplimsoles · 07/05/2017 10:19

blimey sorry but I think the op has a very entitled, precious attitude.
Its a baby towel, she got it free, she didn't want it. But she's acting like its a commissioned oil painting of the friend's new baby or something.

If I was the op I would have picked the towel up for her and put it somewhere else.
Ive never heard of someone getting upset over a towel that even they didn't want!

ToastyFingers · 07/05/2017 10:20

She was rude but I think the fact it was a regift changes things.

People should be appreciative of a gift because the giver has taken time and effort to pick something the receiver would like, and has spent their money doing so.

You didn't really do either of these things though, you just passed on unwanted stuff. I don't like the concept of regifting at all, to me it says 'this wasn't good enough for me, but it'll do for you'.

Goldfishjane · 07/05/2017 10:21

I'm not sure about this example but I do know someone who deliberately makes a face when she gets an unsuitable gift
She says it stops the giver thinking along the same lines next time
I originally thought it was very rude but my BFF has given me so many gifts that I have given to the charity shop - and refuses to look at Amazon wish list - I can see her point.

CricketRuntAndRashers · 07/05/2017 10:23

Does she know you've regifted it?

Anyhow. It's probably somewhat rude, yes. But she's a new mother. As long as she said "thank you" it's ok, imo.

Maybe she was simply extremely glad her DC finally found something to entertain themselves with and didn't want to disturb the calm...?

Bluntness100 · 07/05/2017 10:24

It does seem rude yes, but I suspect she knows you regifted, either due to the age of the item involved and she knows it's old stock or she saw it round your house.

Regifting is always risky to be fair as sometimes it's fairly obvious due to the age of the item involved.

TheRealPooTroll · 07/05/2017 10:24

It all depends on whether she thanked you imo. If she did then yabu. I couldn't get upset about a frazzled new mum letting her older child play with a towel for a few minutes - it's not like it would break.

LadyPW · 07/05/2017 10:25

Did she say thank you? If not then she's rude. But if she did and just didn't put on a delighted expression then you're being unreasonable - there can be a hundred and one reasons (well quite a few) why she wouldn't - I struggle with that because of my autism, that's part of why I hate surprise presents.
In terms of the kicking it around the floor - that would piss me off (unless she had spotless floors). But if she'd be the type to wash it before using it then it's less of a big deal (though it would still get to me).
I'm erring towards YABU because you didn't pay for it and didn't want it yourself.

Only1scoop · 07/05/2017 10:25

"It was worth similar to what she spent when I had my baby"
Ugh what a crass statement. Is that how you think In life generally?

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2017 10:26

Yes Yes Yes extremely rude, and I would have picked up the towel her toddler was kicking and put it on a table or chair or something, with its going to get dirty kind of thing. Even if you don't like something, just smile and be polite and say thank you.

AnUtterIdiot · 07/05/2017 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ollieplimsoles · 07/05/2017 10:28

but it is no effort to thank the gift giver no matter how knackered and distracted you are.

A few people have commented in this vain.

When I had dd, I was kept in hospital and was really depressed by the time I got out, I got pnd and when I got home my house was full of gifts, I pushed it all aside because I just wanted to shut myself away with my dh and baby. I reluctantly allowed visitors and asked kindly that they didn't bring gifts, they still turned up with bags of their older Children's clothes and toys, then acted upset when I seemed put out by it. People also said mean things to my mum about me because I hadn't written thankyou cards for the gifts they sent (most of them i hadn't even opened yet)

I know this is only one towel, but there are two sides. I could easily have been the op's friend in this situation, and i wouldn't have cared less about a towel falling on the floor I can tell you.