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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset friend treated gift like this

292 replies

TooTiredAgain · 07/05/2017 10:02

Don't you think it's rude when you give someone a present and they show that they dislike it?

I gave a good friend a newborn hooded towel from M&S as a gift when she had her second baby. I could see instantly that she did not look impressed. It was worth similar to what she spent when I had my baby, so it wasn't because it was small or anything. She put it on the arm of the chair, then her eldest child knocked it off and KICKED IT AROUND THE FLOOR, for some time. She did not tell them off. I pretended I did not notice, but I thought it was rude.

Is it a rubbish present for a newborn?

On a separate note, it was actually regifted gift. I often put aside gifts that I recieve with tags on, to regift if I don't need them. However, she would not know that. I received it from a neighbour, but I already had a lot of towels for my baby. But, I acted as if I loved the present when she gave it me! LOL.

OP posts:
Rachel0Greep · 07/05/2017 12:43

Op has a baby herself, currently. The towel (unless it was regifted to op as well) is presumably from stock still in the shops at the moment, not the Argos catalogue, circa 1982.

Grin Exactly. OP, I would see nothing wrong with passing it on, saying that you got it as a gift, and didn't need it, but not pretending that it was something you went out and bought.
BeMorePanda · 07/05/2017 12:43

OP are you sure it wasn't your friend who gave you the hooded towel in the first place? Grin

hmmwhatatodo · 07/05/2017 12:45

Just to point out, expat, they put plenty of photos on facebook all the time!

I do not spent ages fretting over this issue, and yes, I think a thank you card would have been really nice and one I would have kept, but I know they aren't the types to send cards so I assumed I might see a photo since that's what lots of people seem to do these days.

Not a big issue at all but its meant unfortunately that I have decided to hugely reduce spending on them now as I never hear anything from them!

Gabilan · 07/05/2017 12:47

Now, I have never said anything about the lack of photos but it does disappoint me a bit as it kind of makes me wonder if they didn't like the stuff much or weren't that bothered

I have some gifts I love. It's never occurred to me to photograph them and put them on FB even though I could and I'm active on it. Just would not think to do it. To me this behaviour screams "look at meeee" not "dear friend, thank you for this gift". So no, I wouldn't read anything into it. I thought you were going to say you'd heard nothing and were wondering if they'd received them at all.

hmmwhatatodo · 07/05/2017 12:48

No panda, and I don't much like the tone of your message, I just hoped to see a photo of the baby with something I sent. Not too much to ask from a close relative with a first baby that I am unable to visit often due to living hours away is it? As I said, other people seem to do it often these days.

expatinscotland · 07/05/2017 12:49

'Just to point out, expat, they put plenty of photos on facebook all the time!'

So? When you give a gift it's just that, given. You put conditions on it. That's not a gift. So yeah, by all means don't give them gifts because you're not doing that anyway, you're expecting and putting conditions on it, that's not a gift.

A lot of people do photos? Plenty don't. I don't. I fucking hate photos.

And keeping thank you cards? For real?

hmmwhatatodo · 07/05/2017 12:50

To clarify, when I say a photo on facebook , I just mean one that you can send privately over the chat service, I am not looking for anyone to be wowed with my gifts on social media. I would be equally happy with an emailed photo/one sent by post/whatever. facebook or whatsapp just seems to be the easiest and cheapest method.

hmmwhatatodo · 07/05/2017 12:52

expact, not sure why you are so offended by my wish for a photo! Yes, I would have kept a thank you card from them. Why does that shock you? You may not 'do' photos but they do, and plenty of them so not sure how your likes and dislikes are relevant here!

ALittleMop · 07/05/2017 12:52

"other people seem to do it often these days"

blimey - that just sounds bitter.

I think if your giving comes with (unspoken) strings about how the receiver responds and shows gratitude, you should perhaps examine why you wanted to give anything at all.

expatinscotland · 07/05/2017 12:52

So 'thanks' isn't enough for you, hmm? You need to tell people that then, because tbh, that sounds totally batshit, that you need to have photos of what you send or give to people, but if they know they can decline your offer and save you the bother of obsessing over a fecking photograph.

expatinscotland · 07/05/2017 12:54

'expact, not sure why you are so offended by my wish for a photo! '

I'm not offended, I just find it utterly ridiculous to give gifts with strings like that attached, especially when the recipient has no idea that they've cause your offense by not complying with your conditions and requirements. Hmm

RTKangaMummy · 07/05/2017 12:55

Hopefully TooTiredAgain you did also take a gift/present for her toddler to have as well didn't you?

What did you give to the older brother/sister? Smile

If you didn't IMHO YABU cos that is horrible to visit and not give a present to the toddler just for a new baby that doesn't even know about anything and ignore the older sibling SadAngrySad

hmmwhatatodo · 07/05/2017 12:56

Oh be quiet expat, I don't obsess over it at all, I was just reminded about it due to this thread.

expatinscotland · 07/05/2017 12:59

'Oh be quiet expat, I don't obsess over it at all, I was just reminded about it due to this thread.'

Eh? You don't get to dictate to others how they post on a thread, hmm, and you are the one who brought it up and far from being 'reminded about it due to this thread', you've already decided to reduce your giving to this child because the parents didn't comply with your requirements, notwithstanding they have no idea that your 'gift' came with strings attached. So if you want to tell others to 'be quiet' then go become a librarian or teacher. You don't have the right to do that here. Hmm

hmmwhatatodo · 07/05/2017 12:59

Op, I assume she has already seen the towel in the shops before and perhaps knows you must have had it lying around at home. That or she already had enough towels and some people just don't know how to act pleased when they receive something they don't want! I always pre warn my children to act delighted even if they really don't like the gift :)

FrancisCrawford · 07/05/2017 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jarhead123 · 07/05/2017 13:01

YANBU.

Very disrespectful, unfortunately people will disagree. Some people have no manners!

FrancisCrawford · 07/05/2017 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrancisCrawford · 07/05/2017 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrancisCrawford · 07/05/2017 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honkersbonkers · 07/05/2017 13:11

Great friend you are, give a present which you haven't even bought and didn't want, then expect a mum with a newborn to behave with perfect etiquette when receiving it. Further to that, then come onto mumsnet and slag her off for being rude. Nice.

NapQueen · 07/05/2017 13:12

The OP wants appreciation for spending zero thought, effort and money on a gift. A gift for someone she must be relatively close to in order to be visiting soon after the birth.

Im not against regifting, but I enjoy choosing a gift for babies of my friends, so at a push would have added the towel in with the gift Id bought.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 07/05/2017 13:14

Op, are you coming back? If this is true we need to know if your friend said thank you and moved on with the conversation or if she pulled a face and pushed the towel away for a sulk. I'd also like to know if you were invited or dropped in, or were really pushy about visiting as this could explain her not being in a mood to pretend to be excited about a crappy towel.

And seriously, that was such a rubbish present. You just said you didn't want it because you already had a baby so you had enough towels. It doesn't then compute in your brain that she has already had a baby so has enough towels? And it's just a bloody towel. The most boring of all possible presents in the whole world. It's like saying, "happy baby birthday! Here is a reminder that you have even more work to do now!"

If I was sleep deprived with a toddler who was likely very emotional and needy I couldn't care less if she played with a stupid towel for 5 mins if that would keep her happy and out of the way while I try to get rid of this emotional and needy "adult".

SnapJack68 · 07/05/2017 13:16

Franciscrawford I would imagine posters ate assuming the older child is a toddler as they were described as KICKING THE TOWEL AROUND THE FLOOR!!! I don't know about you but I don't know many 6, 9, 12, 15 or 22 year old s who do this as a general behaviour??!

BeMorePanda · 07/05/2017 13:18

OP has not said the age of the child.

then her eldest child knocked it off and KICKED IT AROUND THE FLOOR, for some time.

It's hard to imagine any child above toddler age, knocking anything off a chair and kicking it around the floor for fun isn't it? My 6yo would never do that and my 9yo would never in a million years do that.

it's not a massive leap to assume this is a toddler doing this.

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