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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset friend treated gift like this

292 replies

TooTiredAgain · 07/05/2017 10:02

Don't you think it's rude when you give someone a present and they show that they dislike it?

I gave a good friend a newborn hooded towel from M&S as a gift when she had her second baby. I could see instantly that she did not look impressed. It was worth similar to what she spent when I had my baby, so it wasn't because it was small or anything. She put it on the arm of the chair, then her eldest child knocked it off and KICKED IT AROUND THE FLOOR, for some time. She did not tell them off. I pretended I did not notice, but I thought it was rude.

Is it a rubbish present for a newborn?

On a separate note, it was actually regifted gift. I often put aside gifts that I recieve with tags on, to regift if I don't need them. However, she would not know that. I received it from a neighbour, but I already had a lot of towels for my baby. But, I acted as if I loved the present when she gave it me! LOL.

OP posts:
shinysinkredemption · 08/05/2017 19:19

I'm glad there are others not keen on this regifting trend. I have one very dear friend who has obviously regifted me things. It's just the sort of person she is. I couldn't do it as giving a gift is a personal thing and I'd feel like I was cheating the recipient. If you didn't want the towel OP why should your friend ..? Maybe a nice bath oil or bottle of bubbly would have gone down better :)

Rach6l · 08/05/2017 19:20

Awww rowboat a dog toy! Id take offense to that tbh Blush

RingInTheNew · 08/05/2017 19:47

Regifting seems like a very sensible thing to do in our over-consumerist society. Why go out and buy more stuff when you've already got something nice at home?

38cody · 08/05/2017 20:02

She was rude but you were thoughtless - regifting crap you didn't want. Why didn't you just buy her baby something nice?
As for its value being what she spent on your gift - how crass and vile!
I don't know why either of you bother really - hardly in the spirit a gift should be given or received. Yuk, all of it, just yuk.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 08/05/2017 20:17

Regifting seems like a very sensible thing to do in our over-consumerist society. Why go out and buy more stuff when you've already got something nice at home?

Nobody has said there is anything wrong in passing on things you don't want or need. The issue is presenting it as a gift, as if you had chosen it specifically for the recipient.

Offred · 08/05/2017 20:21

Urgh at giving a 'good' friend something you had been given and didn't want.

Urgh at all the judging about her response and her other child's behaviour.

Cutesbabasmummy · 08/05/2017 20:28

I'm kind of thinking if it's her second baby she probably already has a few of these...and if the OP didn't want it why would the gift receiver necessarily?!

chatty1 · 08/05/2017 20:30

I would have given her the towel with something else bought to match like sleepers or a nice pyjamas so is more thoughtful. Or a totally new present and on another occasion I would have offered her the towel

DioneTheDiabolist · 08/05/2017 20:43

It's rude to expect the mother of a newborn and a 3yo to play a regifter's game of Let's Pretend.

Carriecakes80 · 08/05/2017 20:48

IMO, nothing wrong with re-gifting, we're not all loaded, and as long as its not crap and something she could use, nothing wrong with it. I always regift, I even re-gifted a cruise to Spain that I couldn't use with a free drinks package to a complete stranger once lol, so nothing wrong with it! One mans meat and all that! (ps couldn't go as I had won it and was pregnant! but still....not all re-gifting is because a pressie is crap!)

Firstly, if any of my kids kicked something around, whether it was a gift or not, they would get 'The Bad Look!' My children are taught respect, manners are free, and ain't no-one else going to be re-gifting my kids any manners, so its up to the mother! I would have found that bloody rude and would have been biting my tongue off not to say something. If a Mum is too daft to know when her kid is being rude, there really is no point in saying anything, they'll just have crappy kids that turn into crappier adults....the circle of life!

Yes new mums are knackered, but she didn't know the item was re-gifted, its useful, you need loadsa towels and such with babes, and even when I had two newborns a toddler and teenagers I was still able to be gracious, even when someone bought me a bottle of wine, when they knew I never drink, and they then proceeded to open it and drink it themselves lol.

Manners cost nothing, she didn't need to have an orgasm over the damned thing, just be gracious! x

DonutCone · 08/05/2017 20:49

Well it was a crap, regifted present. You put no thou into getting her something nice, you just gave her something you'd got for free.

You mention it being the same value as the gift she got you, what was that?

CEOD · 08/05/2017 20:53

If this is Baby no. 2 she'll already have towels - a much nicer present would have been a little outfit for the new baby (of its own, not passed down from older brother) or a little teddy for it.

YABU as you didn't even BUY the gift for her.

Mrseft · 08/05/2017 20:58

LassWiTheDelicateAir that's what I was saying. I'd have presented the towel separately to an actual gift

WanderingTrolley1 · 08/05/2017 20:59

Yabu.

You didn't even want the towel yourself, yet expect gratitude when you couldn't even be arsed yourself to buy a decent present.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 08/05/2017 21:24

Exactly, nice to get from a neighbour as not expecting anything, but a towel you didn't want to give to a good friend. Can't imagine it felt very special to receive and she probably didn't know what to say. Value is irrelevant, it's the thought that counts and a regifted towel doesn't show thought to a good friend. She was probably confused as to why you thought a towel was a nice present.

hks · 08/05/2017 21:29

i would have went and taken it off he child and put it back on the table / chair if i had seen them kicking it about the floor .. i think a hooded towel was a lovely idea .. Better than the teddies / soft toys i recieved for my 2nd

LML83 · 08/05/2017 21:30

A towel is a fine gift. When my friends visited me I was pleased to show off my new baby and have some company.
Those who are good at thinking of nice gifts and have the time and money did. Those who grabbed something at asda as they squeezed in a visit as they were busy but still really wanted to meet the baby were also welcome and the gift appreciated. X

kali110 · 08/05/2017 21:37

Because it looks like the sort of gift my friend would get me, not the sort of thing your neighbour bought you and you didn't want/need so decided to pass on.
Not always.
My friend and i have the same taste iN most things.
If i regift something it's usually a duplicate or sometimes something i can't use (allergy). I only regift if it's the type of thing i would have gotten my friend in the first place.

EC22 · 08/05/2017 22:47

Giving a friend an unwanted gift for her new baby is pretty shitty, no thought whatsoever. YABU

cabbage67 · 08/05/2017 22:55

So glad I'm not buying presents for Matilda - how rude!

Missolford33 · 08/05/2017 23:11

I don't think it matters wether it was regifted or not. It's the thought that counts and Wether you like it or not and in fact might even regift it on yourself you could still say thank you and who the hell just lets their kid kick presents around the floor.... knackered or not.

SugarnetMum · 08/05/2017 23:18

Anyone in their right mind would smile and act like they liked it even if they hated it.. It is definitely not okay for a toddler or anyone to kick around something that was just gifted to them.... People who disagree I would wonder about what way they were brought up. ^o) that child clearly will never have any respect for belongings, personal items or gifts!

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 08/05/2017 23:21

It's the thought that counts

Yes but the thought was my neighbour, who has no obligation to give me a present, was kind enough to make the effort to get me a nice, but not terribly exciting one. I don't want it but hey, it saves me the time, money and effort of getting something for my friend and I'll palm it off on her.

Manages to be thoughtless towards the original giver and the new recipient.

maggiethecat · 08/05/2017 23:41

The "cost" remark really just shows how good and (measured) a friend you are!
You really didn't have best intention did you?

nannieann · 08/05/2017 23:53

Your friend was wrong to allow her child to kick the gift around. Most mothers realise that teaching children good behaviour is paramount. However, the regifting thing makes me feel uncomfortable. It's not something I would ever do or expect people to do to me. It seems dishonest. A gift is something you've bought or made specially for the recipient. I try to use gifts but if I can't I pass them on to a charity shop.