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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset friend treated gift like this

292 replies

TooTiredAgain · 07/05/2017 10:02

Don't you think it's rude when you give someone a present and they show that they dislike it?

I gave a good friend a newborn hooded towel from M&S as a gift when she had her second baby. I could see instantly that she did not look impressed. It was worth similar to what she spent when I had my baby, so it wasn't because it was small or anything. She put it on the arm of the chair, then her eldest child knocked it off and KICKED IT AROUND THE FLOOR, for some time. She did not tell them off. I pretended I did not notice, but I thought it was rude.

Is it a rubbish present for a newborn?

On a separate note, it was actually regifted gift. I often put aside gifts that I recieve with tags on, to regift if I don't need them. However, she would not know that. I received it from a neighbour, but I already had a lot of towels for my baby. But, I acted as if I loved the present when she gave it me! LOL.

OP posts:
BlandWallpaper · 07/05/2017 12:01

She was rude but maybe she recognized it as a discontinued design (assuming you were given it a while ago) so instantly guessed it was a regifted present.

Floggingmolly · 07/05/2017 12:02

Op has a baby herself, currently. The towel (unless it was regifted to op as well) is presumably from stock still in the shops at the moment, not the Argos catalogue, circa 1982.

RedheadLover · 07/05/2017 12:03

I don't think the OP's friend's reaction was appropriate even if she did recognise that it was a re-gifted present. She still should have said thank you.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 07/05/2017 12:04

You can't possibly always know but there are definitely "gifts" which are obvious.

SuperFlyHigh · 07/05/2017 12:04

Mango to me, a hooded towel is very generic for a close friend to give another close friend. To me, I would maybe deduce that that means it could have been or has been re-gifted.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 07/05/2017 12:07

I'm not sure towels are presents.

They're kind of dull.

There's no thrill or enjoyment from a towel.

waterrat · 07/05/2017 12:09

Blimey poor woman has a newborn and a toddler I was absolutely broken in the first few weeks of having 2....she was tired why are you even thinking negatively about something so minor. And why not offer to help tidy things off the floor if the toddler was making a mess the mum might have had hardly any sleep

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 07/05/2017 12:09

However, she would not know that. I received it from a neighbour, but I already had a lot of towels for my baby. But, I acted as if I loved the present when she gave it me! LOL

Can't you see there is a world of difference between a generic gift from a neighbour and passing that generic gift on (passing in both senses of the word) to a friend?

Neighbours are neighbours; they are not necessarily friends, most likely not. It is a very nice gesture for a neighbour, who might know almost nothing about you, to give you anything so of course enthusiastic thanks are appropriate.

Gabilan · 07/05/2017 12:11

And if you hold a guinea pig up by the tail its eyes will drop out

If you're holding its tail, it's not a guinea pig.

Gabilan · 07/05/2017 12:11

I may have missed the point on that one.

Bluntness100 · 07/05/2017 12:13

I also think regifting is just a positive way of describing giving stuff away you don't want. The op didn't get her a gift for her baby, she gave her one of her unwanted possessions so she didn't have to spend money on her or the child. However this doesn't mean the reciever shouldn't have been polite, even though there is a fair chance she looked at it, guessed the op had simply rummaged in her cupboard, and wrapped up something she didn't want and then lied about it.

The only way regifting works is if the reciever pretends they don't know.

Personally I've never regifted. If I don't want something, I will give it away. I've never wrapped up one of my unwanted possessions, and lied to someone I'd got them s present whilst handing it over. I think it's fairly shitty if I'm honest.

Coffeetasteslikeshit · 07/05/2017 12:14

I think it was slightly rude, but at the end of the day it's a towel.

I would put it down to her state of mind unless you have other instances of her being rude. I have to say, after having both of mine, I couldn't really give a shit what people had bought. I know that sounds harsh but I was knackered and stressed and not particularly in my usual people pleasing mindset so I wouldn't have cared if my oldest was kicking a towel around either.

DioneTheDiabolist · 07/05/2017 12:20

I know because I it's not the sort of thing that friend would buy and certainly not buy for me. Sometimes I can even guess who the original gifter was.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 07/05/2017 12:22

Personally I've never regifted. If I don't want something, I will give it away. I've never wrapped up one of my unwanted possessions, and lied to someone I'd got them s present whilst handing it over. I think it's fairly shitty if I'm honest

I agree.

ohhereweareagain · 07/05/2017 12:22

Matilda you sound rather rude. Wouldn't be buying you anything 😊

expatinscotland · 07/05/2017 12:26

Yeah, it's s shit 'gift', actually not a gift at all, just you giving away an unwanted item.

MatildaTheCat · 07/05/2017 12:33

Haha, I'm not actually at all rude but I also cannot get worked up about a baby towel.

OP has disappeared and has never answered the question of whether the woman actuall said thank you. If she didn't then she's rude. If she said thanks and then put it to one side that's fine. With toddlers you surely pick your battles when you have a newborn. Maybe she was wise enough to know this wasn't one worth fighting.

hmmwhatatodo · 07/05/2017 12:38

Ok, I'm sneaking onto this thread to ask a related question. A while ago (over 6 months) I sent (by post) some gifts for a baby of a relative. I spent in the region of £100 on them and they were genuinely nice things, some of which were requested by them and some I added on, but I made sure not to buy things they were likely to receive from others. I have also since then sent a couple of other items. Apart from a 'thanks, the things were really nice' message over faceook chat, I haven't seen any photos of the items being used. The other 2 friends I have sent items to have always sent a quick photo over facebook/whatsapp to basically say thanks and look, here is the item being used type thing. Now, I have never said anything about the lack of photos but it does disappoint me a bit as it kind of makes me wonder if they didn't like the stuff much or weren't that bothered. Is that unreasonable of me? They are frequently active on facebook so its not like it would be a chore to put a photo on.

BeMorePanda · 07/05/2017 12:40

Nothing wrong with regifting.

However you gave her the equivalent of a facecloth as a gift and expected her to be "excited" about it! Which is totally unreasonable!

So she was a bit meh! about it - as were you. And she probably had more on her mind than your piece of towelling.

expatinscotland · 07/05/2017 12:40

Yes, YABU, hmm. I don't have a phone with a camera so uploading photos to FB is a faff. And some people just aren't into photographing everything and putting it on social media.

CoolCarrie · 07/05/2017 12:41

If she is a close friend, then you should have made a bit of effort to get her something really lovely, not just pass on an unwanted gift, and she did say thank you, so that's enough when someone is tired and has their hands full.

RedheadLover · 07/05/2017 12:41

*Hmmwhattodo
*
As you clearly went to some lengths to get them presents that they would like, a thank you card maybe would have been better than a Facebook message to show appreciation. However, as they have now said thank you, I think that's where it should end.

I don't think there should be any obligation on them to send photos of the items being used.

scaryclown · 07/05/2017 12:41

Before you get too judgemental, consider she may have PND .

BeMorePanda · 07/05/2017 12:42

hmm do you always give gifts attached to an expectation that the receiver will then "perform" in a certain way for you in return? Or is it just people with new borns you put this unsaid obligation on?

ALittleMop · 07/05/2017 12:43

I'd have quite liked a hooded towel for my baby - in fact i got given one and we used it loads but:

  • it is not something you immediately get excited by
  • you gave her something you didn't want, so you know,

hmmmwhattodo are you being sarcastic? because it is unreasonable as hell to expect your gifts to be social media-d. And a bit nuts frankly.

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