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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend just confessed he loves me. AIBU to NOT tell my boyfriend?

166 replies

ReasonablyIntelligent · 06/05/2017 22:44

Brief history: I've known Best Friend for years and it was one of those wonderful moments when you meet a stranger and you're like "Oh, there you are!" If there were such a thing as soulmates, he would be mine/I would be his. We have a really great friendship and will always be there for one another. I've never really thought about him in a romantic way, despite the compatibility and the fact he looks like a God and have always supported him with his relationships.

I've been with my boyfriend for a few months and he's brilliant. I have a lot of fun with him and, after two very serious long term relationships, I'm taking a step back and enjoying dating someone and trying hard not to overthink everything. an extreme personal flaw

Boyfriend and Best Friend have met, got on okay but don't really have much in common so didn't really click.

Best Friend and I went out for a meal tonight, as we do fairly frequently and mid conversation he kind of blurts out that he loves me. Says he has never felt like this before and wants "that other guy" to fall flat. (very unlike him as he's usually very kind).

Firstly, I have no idea what to do with this new information but I've been wondering if I should tell Boy Friend?

Boy Friend has tried hard to be comfortable with my Best Friend being male, and believes my assurances that there's nothing going on. But he can be fairly insecure and I know that he's quite jealous of Best Friend anyway - they work in the industry but Best Friend is much much higher up, which I think smarts as they're the same age.

I know that if I tell him what Best Friend has said, he'll be forever second guessing my friendship with him.
AIBU to keep this one under my hat?

If the situation were reversed I think I'd want to remain ignorant...

(I hope all that makes sense! It's been a long day!)

OP posts:
Original poster
ReasonablyIntelligent · 06/05/2017 22:46

Blush at how badly that was written, sorry. I was trying to not blather on

OP posts:
Peppapogstillonaloop · 06/05/2017 22:46

Keep it under your hat. Do you have feelings in return for best friend?!

MadMags · 06/05/2017 22:47

Are you writing a chick lit?!

Original poster
ReasonablyIntelligent · 06/05/2017 22:48

Peppapogstillonaloop I don't think so, I've never really thought of him as a bloke. If you know what I mean? He's always been my best mate!

OP posts:
Solasum · 06/05/2017 22:49

If you tell your boyfriend, you will basically be jeopardising any chance to spend time with your friend again.

'Oh there you are' and thinking someone looks like a God sounds like love to me though.
Is there any reason you haven't got together before now?

Original poster
ReasonablyIntelligent · 06/05/2017 22:49

MadMags I know, I know. Feels like I've stepped straight out of a Marion Keynes novel.

Clearly by the state of my OP, I'm incapable of forming proper sentences so I'll stick with my day job.

OP posts:
MrsWrex · 06/05/2017 22:50

Did he have a few crates of bananas with him at dinner? I'd run if he did.

MadMags · 06/05/2017 22:50
Grin

Does he have a chance? Do you see boyfriend going anywhere?!

Original poster
ReasonablyIntelligent · 06/05/2017 22:50

MrsWrex I'm afraid I don't get that reference!

OP posts:
Trollspoopglitter · 06/05/2017 22:51

Might as well tell him since you can't continue to be best friends with your best friend now. If you don't feel the same about him but care about him as much as you do, then you need to stop the friendship to allow your friend to move on.

Original poster
ReasonablyIntelligent · 06/05/2017 22:52

Do you see boyfriend going anywhere?! This is what sparked the outburst from friend in the first place! I was worrying because I want to make sure I don't make the same mistake as last time with Boyfriend (I moved in very quickly with ex who then stole all my money!) and he kept on asking me if the relationship was going anywhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
ReasonablyIntelligent · 06/05/2017 22:52

Trollspoopglitter Oh God, I didn't even think about that. Really? Does it have to be as black and white as that?

OP posts:
Humm1ngb1rd · 06/05/2017 22:53

I think I would be tempted to keep it to myself for a few days while I process it. How do you really feel about best friend - is it purely platonic or have you got feelings for him? I dont mean do you fancy him, but would you want a relationship/future with him? If its a yes you need to work out how to do this in the least hurtful way. If its a no you need to decide what to do about the friendship - can it survive the one sided feelings and is it fair on your boyfriend? I think if it was me I'd have to take a step back and explain why to the bf in due course.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 06/05/2017 22:54

You sound rather like there is potential to have feelings for your best friend. As a PP, is there a reason it hasn't happened before? Is it one or both have always been with other people?
Honestly, I'd get rid of 'boyfriend' either way, jealous and insecure isn't what you(general) need around!

Fruitcorner123 · 06/05/2017 22:55

Don't tell him but consider your feelings for best friend carefully as you may end up hurting boyfriend and better sooner rather than later.. If I was with someone and they thought of someone else as their soul mate i would not be happy about that. Maybe there is something there?

smileygrapefruit · 06/05/2017 22:55

God like good looks and a soulmate....the love of your life is right in front of you! hint: not the boyfriend

Original poster
ReasonablyIntelligent · 06/05/2017 22:57

I definitely could have feelings for Best Friend I think but I'm not sure if a relationship would work; we have some very significant differences (IMO, anyway).

I was going to put that in the OP, but then figured everyone would accuse me of having an emotional affair.

I absolutely do not want to hurt anyone's feelings and I do love my boyfriend very much, he is fab.

OP posts:
pollypeanuts · 06/05/2017 22:58

Do nothing hasty here. But, you know, "best friend", "looks like a God", that doesn't happen very often Smile.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 06/05/2017 22:58

No, I wouldn't tell your boyfriend right now.

But I'd think about what you want to happen. It sounds like you and best friend are more compatible than the boyfriend.

Original poster
ReasonablyIntelligent · 06/05/2017 22:59

is there a reason it hasn't happened before? We've both been in relationships, I guess? I've not really thought about it before. I've spent 7 of the last 9 years in a long term relationship. The 2 years I was single I genuinely can't remember if he was seeing anyone.
He's dated a LOT more people than me, women tend to give him the runaround and break his heart a lot so I remember a lot of breakups more than any stand out relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
ReasonablyIntelligent · 06/05/2017 23:01

Soulmate is the easiest way I can think of putting it - we used to joke about it with each other but I know typically thats a romantic term so I've not used it elsewhere - when we met it was a bit dejavu-ey.

OP posts:
joodey · 06/05/2017 23:01

im with smileygrapefruit on this one

SaucyJack · 06/05/2017 23:01

Ditch the "best" friend.

He wasn't bothered enough to make a move when you were single. I think he's just got a tit on now because you've found someone that you're settling down with somebody else instead of making puppy dog eyes at him.

SaucyJack · 06/05/2017 23:03

*too many somebodies in that last sentence.

Humm1ngb1rd · 06/05/2017 23:04

That was my thought OP, do you see a relationship working? If not I think none of it's worth it body of a god or not but it might be worth making sure thats how you feel as you may only get this chance.