Best friend just confessed he loves me. AIBU to NOT tell my boyfriend?

[ReasonablyIntelligent]

Brief history: I've known Best Friend for years and it was one of those wonderful moments when you meet a stranger and you're like "Oh, there you are!" If there were such a thing as soulmates, he would be mine/I would be his. We have a really great friendship and will always be there for one another. I've never really thought about him in a romantic way, despite the compatibility and the fact he looks like a God and have always supported him with his relationships.

I've been with my boyfriend for a few months and he's brilliant. I have a lot of fun with him and, after two very serious long term relationships, I'm taking a step back and enjoying dating someone and trying hard not to overthink everything. an extreme personal flaw

Boyfriend and Best Friend have met, got on okay but don't really have much in common so didn't really click.

Best Friend and I went out for a meal tonight, as we do fairly frequently and mid conversation he kind of blurts out that he loves me. Says he has never felt like this before and wants "that other guy" to fall flat. (very unlike him as he's usually very kind).

Firstly, I have no idea what to do with this new information but I've been wondering if I should tell Boy Friend?

Boy Friend has tried hard to be comfortable with my Best Friend being male, and believes my assurances that there's nothing going on. But he can be fairly insecure and I know that he's quite jealous of Best Friend anyway - they work in the industry but Best Friend is much much higher up, which I think smarts as they're the same age.

I know that if I tell him what Best Friend has said, he'll be forever second guessing my friendship with him.
AIBU to keep this one under my hat?

If the situation were reversed I think I'd want to remain ignorant...

(I hope all that makes sense! It's been a long day!)

I'm such a catch, right?

You're valued as much as you value yourself. If you are thinking of counselling, it may be fruitful to explore why you settle for so little & think about ways to build up your self esteem. It sounds like your BFF sees your true potential and is frustrated to see you settling for another muppet. That said, if he really cares for you he'll give you space (and a spell of being single) to get your head in the right place for a healthy relationship.

You sound fine OP! But seriously, what does your current boyfriend offer you if you were thinking long term?

#TeamBestie

What did you say to your friend then Op?

If you go into Mum mode even before having children, marry this bestie of yours. Trust the good old MUMSNET wisdom. It's not hard to keep marriage going long term if there is friendship involved.
Just be honest with the boy friend. End the relationship before you move on to anyone else.

I'm married to the man that made the world spin and left me feeling like something had been missing my whole life until I met him. We are best friends and lovers and the connection is intense, powerful and amazing even fifteen years later. That connection, the deep friendship, being soulmates has got us through so many tough times. I can't imagine not being best friends with my husband. Interestingly my dh is not bookish like me at all, but he has spent this morning measuring our bedroom walls so he can build me (bigger😄) bookcases for my paper babies 😂. He never moans when endless books come through the post and he jokes that I keep the postie in a job! He also listens to me for hours talking about whatever book I am reading. He also loves that our two children are so into books because of my (obsession)love of reading. I am an ex primary teacher/ now home educate our autistic son and my dh had a very hands on/ manual job and he and I bring the best out in each other. Where I am weak, he is strong, we compliment each other.

You have a deep and it sounds powerful friendship with your best friend, who sounds like he would walk over hot coals for you. Your boyfriend sounds like he would sit on a comfy chair and expect you to drag him through the hot coals by yourself.
From your description it sounds like you are very attracted to your best friend, is it possible that the things that attract you to your boyfriend are the similarities to your best friend? It seems a big coincidence that they are both the same age and in the same industry/ profession. When you talk about your best friend love seems to seep through your post. I can totally see why your best friend chose now to intervene and declare his love. Its still early days with your boyfriend and he can see how wrong this boyfriend seems for you. I wonder if somewhere in your subconscious, you picked unsuitable boyfriends because deep down you were in love with your best friend? Is this an opportunity that if you don't give it a go you may regret for the rest of your life? I would be tempted to tell boyfriend and bestfriend that you need a break/ space to think. A bit of distance from both should hopefully tell your heart who it misses most. Alternatively if you know you are in love/ have feelings with/ for your best friend I would end things with your current boyfriend and give things a go with your best friend.

If you choose to stay with your boyfriend beware his Mother, a man who lives at home with his parents at 28 is likely to be still very attached to the apron strings. Alternatively he may just be like my brothers who despite being detached from the apron cords keep coming back and tying themselves up with them again 😊. And they are 33 and 34!

Excellent rescue so glad it worked out for you! Hope OP takes note.

OP how were things left with BFF?
Shows things witty Bf
Team #BeTrueToYourself

I'm with someone who started as a friend and it's amazing.

#shagyourbestie

@MommaGee - just saw your # after I posted - promise I wasn't copying!

HAha #itsmyhashtag

Your boyfriend isn't insecure and jealous, he's rightly sensing that your friendship isn't platonic, which it isn't from your friends side. Tell him the truth and let him decide whether he wants to waste any more time on you.

Hoping to shimmy OP along a bit...

(with best humorous intentions)

BoyF vs BestF in pictures

OP, I haven't read every reply in this thread so apologies if I'm repeating any advice, but in all the time you've known your best friend have you ever thought about having sex with him?

If the answer is no, then I just don't think you have a romantic future with him, even with God-like looks.

Do you think he's panicking that you've finally met 'the one' and that he may lose your companionship for ever, so in desperation he's trying to derail your relationship?

If so, beware, stick with your BF and gently let your friend know where he stands. You don't want to give up someone you really fancy for just a loving companion. And don't say anything to your BF.

I can't believe how invested I am in this - team bestow all the way here!

@ReasonablyIntelligent ?????????

Your boyfriend sounds like he's no good for you and your so called best friend sounds like a prick. How many of your past relationships has he intentionally derailed so that you're available to him whenever he wants to pick you up? If he wanted to be in a relationship with you he would make a serious move but he hasnt. I'd ditch the boyfriend and seriously think about distancing myself from the best friend, he sounds like a user.

losingdory In what way does he sound like a prick? Also surely telling her he loves her is making a serious move! What's he using her for exactly? Your post doesn't make any sense given the op and her updates.

Ooops sorry forgot #teambestie

If he wanted to be in a relationship with you he would make a serious move but he hasnt because declaring love isn't serious?? He's also said he didn't say it previously because she was in a relationship. And went out and brought her breakfast because she was hungry. Odd like to be used like this

Your BoyF sounds like a waste of space. Head your BestF advice. Get rid. Date your best friend who shows up and goes out and buys stuff to make you breakfast. Serious keeper there!

Ok I know I said it's your chioce, but I'm #teambestie now. Hope you have been too busy shagging your best friend sorting this all out, for an update.

I had a friend who I'd never thought about 'in that way' as we'd both always been with other people. Quite different personalities, not like people I'd had relationships with before tbh.

Then we got very drunk one night, woke up together, and we'll have been married 20 years in a couple of months!

Dump the bf, snog the bff and see where it goes!

I'm #teambestie here too!

OP, you're me 10 years ago.

I've been married to my best friend for 7 years now, we've got 2 children and we're really happy.

Your boyfriend sounds...not right for you.

Just shag the best mate. If it's right you'll know it within about ten seconds.