Do you feel guilty about being well off?

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Inspired by the thread about big houses. Growing inequality within developed societies is becoming a global issue and was arguably a key factor in Brexit and the election of Trump etc

Many of us have more than we need, much more than others. I say I believe in societal inequality - and I sincerely believe that I do - but apart from reasonable donations to charity and votes for the left of centre candidates (Green, in my case) I'm not really doing anything to disrupt the status quo.

I'm well off, partly because I've worked hard, but mostly (if I'm honest) because I'm lucky and I feel guilty about it.

AIBU? Or is greed just a fundamental part of human nature?

I think it's about awareness, rather than guilt. Guilt is always a useless emotion.

I have been dog-tired from working all my teenaged/adult life. Will never afford a home and have no pension. Am resigned to the reality that I will basically be working to cover my living expenses until I die. I don't want anyone to feel guilty about it. But I don't want to be judged as lazy for my circumstances.

Most of my luck and wealth (and I'm guessing the same applies to many of the posters on this thread) comes from having been born in a rich, peaceful, secure country with a strong welfare safety net. So, not Palestine, not DRC or any of the other hell-holes in the world. And to a decent, kind family - not rich, by any means, but always in work and able to pay the bills. This is just random chance - why would I feel guilty about it? Grateful, yes, but how guilty?

A big slice of my wealth has come from buying property in the 90s, at a point when it was still possible (in my case, by getting a second job, and saving like mad) to buy in London on a fairly lowly public sector salary at 3-4 times annual income. And then the market went up and up, so big profits, which enabled me to upsize and so on. Again, big slice of random luck - I don't feel guilty about buying a house when I did, but neither do I feel clever for having profited from a rising house market.

Over the last 25 years I've had jobs that have sometimes required me to work very hard, and mostly haven't. And over the last 15 I've earned 2-3 times the national average for the effort I've put in. Again, I don't feel particularly guilty about that - should I? My husband earns around 4 times the national average, but he's putting in 14 hour days and making decisions that affect big organisations, their employees and customers. And he has worked his backside off over many years to get where he is. So, no, I don't feel guilty about any of it really. We both pay a fair whack of tax, we both volunteer and donate to charity. Of course, we could do lots more, but we're not bloodsucking limpets either.

I would add that I'm of a generation that did benefit from much wider social provision, and I'd like to see more of that coming back - particularly affordable housing, in work benefits, and really excellent universal primary and secondary education. And better vocational education.

Yes I feel guilty but I give to others with stuff that money can't buy, mainly my time and experience. It feels good to share and make others' lives easier.

It's an anonymous forum so I've NC to be honest. DH is from an immigrant background. He received about £30 million following the sale of a company he was involved in. We don't feel too guilty as he has contributed half of this in tax. Plus he has created over 1000 tax-paying jobs in the U.K. We live in London and if we were to move house the stamp duty would be upwards if £700,000. We use private schools and healthcare.

Only on these threads does the phrase 'I work hard' get interpreted as 'I think other people don't work hard'

Nonsense. Some people are just pointing out that the causal relationship between working hard and being well-off is a fallacy. The poster from earlier on who is a carer on minimum wage probably works like a dog.

Nope, not for a nanosecond.

Morris
"Only on these threads does the phrase 'I work hard' get interpreted as 'I think other people don't work hard'."

I suspect that one these kind of threads people say "I work hard" to distinguish themselves from the minority of people who don't work at all and live off family trust funds.

I don't know if those people feel guilt. Possibly not. I hope they recognise their great privilege and good fortune though.

No - what would it achieve?

I'd be a bit dim not to realise I'm more fortunate that some others because I was fairly academic, have a supportive family and reasonable (but not great) health. Of course that gives you a reasonable starting point and not everyone has that.

That said, while not everyone has choices, some people do. I have very little time for predominantly middle class, middle income lefties who batter on about the top 10% if they have deliberately chosen a route that led to lower pay.

I also have a hard time feeling guilty when I see that my generation have had to push harder or take on more debt to achieve the same lifestyle as our baby-boomer parents.

No. We've worked very hard to earn a comfortable retirement and are enjoying ourselves.

We've helped our DCs financially and do voluntary work locally.

I feel no guilt.

We are comfortably off and I know we are lucky to be in that position. We both came from low income families but had the luck to be born with academic ability that enabled us to go to university and then on to reasonably well paid jobs (although I'm no longer able to work).
We have other stuff going on so life is not a bed of roses but I am grateful for what we do have.

Being well off is subjective though. I'm well off to some and others are muccchhhh riche than me!!
Some of it has been through inheritance and also from our own income streams. Certainly we have friends who are much wealthier than us as their houses are double the size in the same area, they can afford to school their children privately, etc. but I also have friends who are much worse off and are massively overdrawn on crappy earnings. i don't feel guilty about it though as it's just how life has turned out for me/us.

No. I do feel lucky, but not guilty. I'm lucky to have my health, to have had a good education and have a supportive family.
My parents weren't born into money at all, they both grew up working class with their parents being a decorator and a train worker (and 2 SAHM). They both worked hard, got into grammar school and got degrees/ did teacher training. They paid for my education by working hard.
I have worked extremely hard, as has DH who is from a similar background. We are now comfortably off.
I see no reason to feel guilty that hard work has resulted in being comfortably off, but we are very lucky to have the health and circumstances to be able to work hard.
Hope that makes sense!

No I don't feel guilty, but I do feel incredibly lucky.

DH and I were in the right industry at the right time and have had very successful careers (six figure salaries).

We are in our 40's and the mortgage was paid off 8 years ago thanks to large bonus payments.

We work hard, yes. Travel is a big expectation (transatlantic) and a real drain. But tbh I don't think for a minute that I work harder than my friend who is a mental health nurse.

I also don't think I'm actually as skilled as her wrt our respective roles.

As I said - my overwhelming feeling is one of luck and I like to pay forward as much as I can in terms of supporting local charities and causes I strongly believe in.

I've also been able to help out friends financially during tough times and feel grateful I was in a position to do so.

Not guilty. Very very lucky.

Mostly feel lucky to have good health and family to be honest, not the wealth.

I feel quite guilty, but I was born into a wealthy family who are extremely giving and generous, my life has been made a lot easier because of the opportunities money provides and the problems it protects you from. DP has come into a substantial inheritance so we will never have to pay rent or get a mortgage and we can pay for DDs education and healthcare if we want to. I didn't earn any of it and when I think of people who are less fortunate and working themselves to the bone I feel bad. We have friends who really struggle and they have worked much harder than me in their lives but will probably never be in my position as I had a massive head start due to my parents. Many many people work incredibly hard but do not see financial reward for it, and many of these roles are people who are caring for others such as nurses, it seems very wrong to me. Working hard will only get you so far, and I think in order to be a high earner involves a fair amount of luck in addition to hard work. People should try to feel grateful for what they have rather than guilty though, guilt isn't healthy, and try to do what they can in order to help those who need it.

I always think it's about attitude rather than wealth.

E.g. I dislike it when somebody gets somewhere and then selfrigteously turns into the 'well people should just work harder and they could be in my shoes' when the reality is many people DO work hard and aren't going to get there.

I went to uni with someone who would talk about how hard work gets you everywhere and he did work hard, but he couldn't see how his parents being able to find him work experience from their friends and networks gave him an advantage that somebody without those networks wouldn't have achieved if they worked 4 times as hard,

Being very successful is a mixture of hard work, background and sheer luck in differing combinations.

Nobody should feel bad for working hard and doing well for themselves. I think they should feel bloody awful if they turn into an 'I'm alright', judges arsehole.

I wouldn't say guilty but I'm very conscious of my good fortune - partly because I work in community regeneration in one 9f the poorest arras of the UK. I grew up poor so I notice the difference between my up bringing and my daughters.

We're well off because we bought properties at the right time and now have lots of equity, have had good jobs and some luck. Being generous and wealthy means I don't have to bother with guilt.

If you pay tax, why feel guilty? Tax rates in this country are high. We are ok, not rich but fine, and to be honest I think if you're heathy and have got enough get up and go you'll always be fine.

No,
My business created several jobs and l paid people fairly and made sure they were on put on fair contracts with sick and holiday pay ( they weren't when l bought the business)

Also what nobody knew was that for some years they were ALL paid much more than l could afford to pay myself after buying the business. ( I worked 70 hours a week, my hourly rate was laughable for a time )

I paid VAT, Employers contribution, NI, my own tax bill etc....so no l do not feel guilty.

My Dh gives 45% ( closer to 50% with NI) of his salary straight to the taxman and therefore to society.

We have never claimed a penny.....why should we have to feel guilty?

It is a counterproductive argument to dislike or not want high earners....most are employed, cannot avoid tax, and therefore contribute big chunks to the public purse for others to benefit from..... quite rightly.

Self made business people create jobs, and (until a business becomes very large) pay corporation tax too......what is not to like.

I don't feel guilty, but very very appreciative of what I have and acknowledge that I have had support and luck along the way.
Our level of wealth (own house, big mortgage, 2 cars, 4 kids in state schools, 2 holidays abroad a year) does not make me feel guilty or worried about the state of the world.

The fact that the 8 richest individuals in the world own something like 90% of the world's assets, does.
Does quote me on the number, I have a blind spot there, the statistics are all in the public domain.

In a global sense yes. I do recognise my good fortune in being born in a country with free health care, education etc and guilty that not many have this.

I dont feel at all guilty about being wealthier than some other UK citizens.

Ok, 8 richest own as much as 50% of the world's poorest population

My point stands.

DH's business, that he started from scratch, has had good years and bad since it has been going. When times have been hard, we have lived on my earnings and our savings to keep paying the wages bill, but it has always been paid. Everyone who works for themselves or has a small business will be doing something similar. We started with nothing and have not inherited a penny, and most years we contribute a fair whack to the exchequer via income tax and corporation tax. We live in a nice house, not a McMansion, without a mortgage. No guilt here.

I try not to feel guilty as I don't think that's any use to anyone, but I do try and be aware of how fortunate I am and not forget what some people's lives are like. I don't do enough to help but have volunteered long-term for and raised lots of money for charity, donated to food banks and contribute every month to several different charities. It's really not much in the grand scheme of things and when I can do more, I will.

My position is a combination of luck and hard/smart work.