Do you feel guilty about being well off?

[twittertwit]

Inspired by the thread about big houses. Growing inequality within developed societies is becoming a global issue and was arguably a key factor in Brexit and the election of Trump etc

Many of us have more than we need, much more than others. I say I believe in societal inequality - and I sincerely believe that I do - but apart from reasonable donations to charity and votes for the left of centre candidates (Green, in my case) I'm not really doing anything to disrupt the status quo.

I'm well off, partly because I've worked hard, but mostly (if I'm honest) because I'm lucky and I feel guilty about it.

AIBU? Or is greed just a fundamental part of human nature?

I don`t feel guilty about my lifestyle at all. I work hard and have saved for what I have. I also have a disabled son who will never work or have a family etc. That is what I feel guilty about, even though it was 'just one of those things'.
I am not rich but am old enough to have paid off the mortgage and now enjoy a comfortable life. I remember the struggle in the late 80s with mortgage rates through the roof and using a calculator to buy food in the supermarket and shutting the heating off.
So now I am grateful that I no longer struggle but do not feel guilty.

bertiebotts I'm a software developer

I feel guilty when I worry about money, we have an essential house repair to make and are worrying about how we can afford it.

The bit of me that remembers being 16 and homeless screams 'sell the fucking house then if it's so stressful, you rich bastard'. I don't know how to explain it...it feels a little like we're just playing at having worries, because we could just move somewhere cheaper and shop at Asda and suddenly we'd be relatively minted again. If that makes any sense.

So I feel a little guilty, a little confused, but more than any of that I have a need to keep pushing and improving our financial situation. I both want to improve social inequality AND have loadsa money. My thinking is most confused on the matter!

Reading some of the threads, I am supposed to be "well off" by the standards of some posters. I don't agree I am just doing ok.

I am not sure what the definition of "well off" should be, but if I was, no I would not feel guilty. I don't feel guilty of being healthy, reasonably attractive- not a boast, I could never be a model, but I have had enough male interest to suggest I am ok looking. I don't even feel guilty of living in a rich country. If I win the lottery tomorrow, I wont' feel guilty either, why should I? must go and buy a ticket

I'm poor as a church mouse so no, not really my best friend is a high earner though and she has a bit of guilt over it. We both dropped out of college and went into crappy admin roles, but I popped out a couple of babies and meandered down the badly paid child friendly roles route while she progressed into quite a specialised field. I let her buy my beers when we go out to help her feel better about it

But seriously no I don't think you should feel guilty for being well off. Yes there is a huge element of luck but you've also worked for it. Be grateful for what you have, absolutely, but not guilty, no.

I don't feel guilty. I feel privileged but not guilty.

DH and I haven't always had the money we have now and have worked very hard to get where we are.

However we are both aware of how fortunate we were to be born into families where education was valued and suppprted.

We try to raise our children to understand that hard work isn't enough, lots of people work very, very hard and don't have enough.

There are lots of very educated people who work hard and don't have enough.

Education is important. Work ethic and attitude are important but to a certain extent a combination of luck and good choices make the difference.

We donate to charities, we support our local food bank, we make voting choices for the greater good (even if they would disadvantage us financially) and we raise our children to be aware of their privilege and accord respect to those with less.

I feel guilty sometimes, as I'm aware I've got to where I am now through not just my own hard work but through being blessed with supportive parents, genes for intelligence, and good general health.

I don't vote Tory, I give a set amount to charity each month, I volunteer, and am generous with friends and family - of course there's always more one can do, hence the guilt.

It's not people being well off that I object to, I think if someone has inherited from family, or worked hard and from that are well off, and spend it on things that make them happy then fair enough - who am I to judge them just because I don't have it?
What I object to are the platitudes from some people like that towards people who aren't in the same situation as them. Such as -
If you saved you'd be able to have a holiday like we do.
If you'd worked harder at school/gone to college/uni you'd have a 'decent' job with a 'decent' wage like I did
And the like, which makes me feel totally devalued and like I'm lazy and irresponsible when there are lots of reasons why I work a min wage job and don't have holidays, why I didn't do well at school and why I didn't go to uni.
IMO society also needs people in typically lower paid jobs like me, after all who will serve people meals and drinks in restaurants, serve them in the shops, and look after their elderly relatives?
It's not to say I don't want all those things, or feel any less deserving of them, but I don't think someone who has them should feel guilty because I don't have them
And anyway, 'rich' people usually tip well so I'm happy with that

I love my left-of-centre, but very well-off friends who have now retired from the City and spend their lives bothering orang-utans and turtles all over the world and planting lots of trees to make up for all the air travel.

No I don't feel guilty.

I feel appreciative that my childhood, education etc. provided a context in which I could succeed with hard work.

I also accept that my limitations (a health condition) have meant that I haven't and can't advance to my full potential.

I am also surrounded by people who a lot better off than me.

Would it help if you did though? If you gave up holidays and gave holiday money to charity, you may be able to help the very worst off a little bit more, homeless people etc, but you won't be helping people on minimum wage, who need benefits to supplement their income, or people on more than minimum wage but who still can't afford to buy their own home.

Helping people across the board has to come from the willingness of the people but at social policy level.

And in the private sector it requires CEOs/owners etc to reduce the pay gap between themselves and other high earners, and the lowest earners in a company, as well as paying a fair wage for every job.

There are ways we can enact change but feeling guilty and giving up holidays isn't the way in my opinion.

Why should I?

I don't feel guilty about the life I have, Me & dh both have good jobs but most of what we have has been inherited so some would say we are just lucky although most of our families are dead.

Our bills are paid, nice cars, we've a very nice house, go on a few holidays a year, can afford the dc we have, have savings.

Well, there's the authentic voice of witless privilege and materialism.

I work very hard as a carer for the disabled (assaulted on a regular basis) and I'm on £7.50 an hour

Absolutely, this ^. The translation of 'we work hard' into megabucks isn't automatic.

No I have worked for everything that I have. DH works hard not just at work, but at home too.

it's not just about working hard, it's about risk v reward. We have gambled our savings, on investments etc to move up the ladder.

We have been lucky these risks have paid off and now we are enjoying the resulting rewards

I don't feel particularly guilty. I also don't think we are well off because of hard work (although we did work hard). Most of it was luck - born with the kind of intelligence that gets rewarded,into supportive families in a developed country with free education - and both of us are healthy too. That is sheer luck.

we pay a lot of taxes - tax that wouldn't be paid, if we didn't earn what we do. We give a lot to charity. We consistently vote against our own "financial interests" and with our values. I'd happily pay more tax if it meant a living wage for everyone/free health care etc. I also think some jobs are way undervalued. Like a pp said, we need rubbish collectors and carers and cleaners as much as we need surgeons and a hell of a lot more than we need bankers.

Not at all, studied hard, chose a career that pays well & reaping the rewards. I grew up in a council house in London, had nothing handed to me on a plate but, knew from an early age, that what I'd like to have done career wise, wouldn't fund the lifestyle I wanted, so set out to get my self a well paid job.
Was hard, when a lot of people left school at 16 or 18 & took jobs & I could only work part time & couldn't socialise like they did however, short term pain, long term gain was my mantra

Yes and no. What I do feel, every day, is lucky.

My family lost their business in a recession in the 90s. So I learned very early on that the idea that you get rich through hard work alone is bollocks. Luck plays a massive part.

Our ruling 'elite' don't believe in luck. But they have lived their lives with the safety net that great wealth brings. You fuck up, you get ill, something beyond your control happens - you or your family can fix it, because you have money.

For people like my parents there is no safety net. So 30 years of hard graft and success went down the pan. They lost everything. They became the people our government despises.

I earn lots. I've worked bloody hard all my life. But I know it can all go in an instant - I'm not so deluded that I think it's all down to me. I'm lucky.

I wish my parents had had the same luck. So yes I feel guilty. My wealth makes me no better than anyone else.

user1491572121

We did the same, but moved to the US. If the game won't let you win, then it's time to change the game.

Since leaving the U.K. It feels like we won the lottery

your £12.50 a month won't make such a difference, but there are choices.

I hear people complaining about their small house, but they do have sky, a cleaner, 2 cars, get take-away 2 or 3 times a week, and would not consider moving in a house without brand new furniture etc. Again, it's a choice, but don't complain about it.

I'll let you know when I become well off

I feel grateful but not guilty.

OP In your first post you say you were 'lucky'.

What does that mean exactly? (I don't believe in 'luck' as it happens. Chance, perhaps, but that's different.)

No guilt here but I do think my lucky stars and count my blessings every day.