Do you feel guilty about being well off?

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Inspired by the thread about big houses. Growing inequality within developed societies is becoming a global issue and was arguably a key factor in Brexit and the election of Trump etc

Many of us have more than we need, much more than others. I say I believe in societal inequality - and I sincerely believe that I do - but apart from reasonable donations to charity and votes for the left of centre candidates (Green, in my case) I'm not really doing anything to disrupt the status quo.

I'm well off, partly because I've worked hard, but mostly (if I'm honest) because I'm lucky and I feel guilty about it.

AIBU? Or is greed just a fundamental part of human nature?

I am very aware that my relatively pleasant circumstances now are a combination of luck AND hard work.

This.

I was born into a middle class family, who promoted education. I have achieved what I have through hard work and the privilege of being born into a family who could invest time and money into my future.

I own two homes due to inherited wealth (lucky) but this is because my Mum died when I was 20 (unlucky).

I don't feel guilty about where I am in life but I count my blessings. I have a loving family, I'm warm and well-fed, employed and able to save for my children's future, as they won't be as lucky as those of us born before the 1990s.

DH and I are not what I'd consider wealthy but we're basically 'secure'. We picked careers that allowed us to retire in our mid-50s. Most of our friends will not be able to retire until their mid-60s, if even then.

We used to feel rather guilty about it, but then we realized that it all came down to choices. They chose a much more 'exciting' or 'glamourous' career path with little in the way of benefits/pension. We chose a duller path with better benefits and excellent pensions.

I think I'd feel guilty about inherited wealth. But we made deliberate choices and have worked hard for what we have. If others have not done so, that's down to them. Of course, I'm not talking about people who are victims of chance or circumstance.

I don't feel guilty but as a pp said, am aware that some of it is down to luck. We were lucky enough to be supported and to go to university and then get good jobs. We pay a lot of tax (over £10k a month) which is fair enough. I'm grateful that we have a very good standard of living, private education for DCs etc.

I'm far from well off - I earn well below the national average - but I think it's a waste of time feeling guilty for being rich. I mean, presumably if you felt that bad about it you would donate your excess salary to charitable causes, or ditch your job and do something more useful but not so well paid. Feeling guilty is a waste of time and energy.

I do agree that there are inequalities in society and I don't think those are fair or right. But on the other hand, I'm OK with where I am financially and I don't think more money = more happiness.

My OH comes from a former communist country and his family are poor rather unproductive farmers. His mum stopped working in a shop when they married and since then became a SAHM. I know they consider yes rich, mainly as we keep getting requests for 'loans' which we largely give.
I came from a broken home, left school at 16 with junior cert under pressure from mum. I do my final exams next week for my honours year of my degree and I've paid for all four years myself/ourselves. I've worked full time throughout my studies and hit the books on weekends. I'm often awake at 2am wth assignments.
We own a 3 bed - larger than what we need as a couple - and two 08 cars. Aside from the mortgage, we have no debt but aside from 2 trips to see family and one weekend in London, we haven't been on holiday since 2010. We do only have around 4K savings, mainly as we are renovating.
My sister earns twice what we earn together. She is more astheically pleasing on the eye than I am so found it easy to gain attention (we twice worked for the same company so saw her in action), but worked hard to benefit from it when she did. She's an account manager, I'm an office manager. She is a single mum of 1 DS13 but exh is very much in the picture and paying CM. She gives out how life is unfair, and has even asked me to guarantee her a mortgage, but aside from not being financially able, I couldn't put DH and I's financial future at risk. Life is what we make it. I have severe psoriasis covering 60% of my body - my medication costs a fortune each month - and I'm infertile, but I just have to dust myself off like everyone else.
I'll be honest though, I don't feel guilty for achieving in life in comparison to some who might be best described as characters in benefit poem type shows. There is a limited section of society who cry "Poor me" yet continue to have kids they can't support or manage, get involved in drugs and make little effort to maximise their education.

I don't feel guilty but it's not something I shout about, e.g. I don't buy flash cars/holidays, and when I donate to charity I do it quietly. I think 'conspicuous consumption/spending' when so many people are struggling is thoughtless and in really poor taste.

Like PP, I have an (adult) child who will need lifelong support. I'm grateful that I'm in a position to make sure he'll be okay after I'm gone.

I have been extremely poor and now I'm not - it's made me very aware of how judgey people are about wealth and the negative, unhealthy beliefs many of my friends/family have about money (because I used to have them too). But it's not something I feel I can discuss with them.

I agree with PP - I don't believe in luck, you create your own luck.

Hmm, DH and I are working class made good, first in our families to Uni blah, blah. Our kids, who are rather more middle class than us, call us champagne socialists. I went through a phase of being a bit embarassed by our house and our cars with new people; I obviously come across as a bit rough very down to earth, so people were sometimes visibly surprised.

We give money to charity by direct debit every month. We also help out family a lot (rent a house to my sister) and try to be generous with gifts (buy things like flatscreen TVs and football season tickets for our parents).

We try not to spoil our kids but I've noticed the younger ones are more entitled than the older ones, because they don't remember us being poor and, because we have moved to a naice area, they don't have poorer friends.

I'm very aware that we are fortunate financially. I wouldn't say I felt guilty about it though. We all have good and bad stuff in our lives. I don't honestly feel that our wealth or lifestyle impoverishes other people. Perhaps I am naive about that.

Being well off certainly doesn't make me happy, if I can put it that way.

Also, I consider myself to be well off and lucky, but I know that most of the posters on this thread would snigger at how ordinary my life and income is. The poster paying £10,000 per month in tax is certainly in a ballpark that bears no resemblance whatsoever to mine .

But I am a tree hugging old lefty, so what can you do?

If anyone who is wealthy feels guilty I'll make you feel better.

Give some to me and you'll feel so much more generous :-)

But seriously, I don't think anyone should feel guilty they are wealthy. But certainly feel saddened that others don't have the opportunities they do or the means to make such opportunities.

I think the only time I'd ever feel guilty for being wealthy is if I inherited it through crime or some other means that wasn't above board.

Nobody should feel guilty. I did that thing somebody put on here recently that tells you where you are financially compared to the rest of the country. I was very near the bottom, and i honestly don't think anybody, even near the top, should feel any sort of guilt. That's silly. Some people have money, some don't, that's just the way it is. Even though I acknowledge lots of poorer people do work hard for their money, people better off usually have worked hard for their money and shouldn't feel bad for what they've managed to do. Often, people have to sacrifice something at some point to make more money, whether that's sacrificing nights out with friends or spending extra time with the kids or sleepless nights staying up late to study. It's fair play that they've got something to show for it.
When I can, I try to donate to charity, food bank or just buy a meal for a local homeless person. You could do things like that if you wanted. Then you can have the feeling of you being better of is benefiting others too.
Fortunately the UK is a country where it would be difficult to starve to death, so realistically, if we all thought like you, every single one of us should feel guilty because around the world there are people starving to death every day. It's horrible, but it's true.
Don't feel guilty, enjoy what you built. If you feel like it, you can donate to charities for people who are struggling to find money for the basics.

No because I'm chronically ill and I use the money for my treatment. I consider myself lucky to be able to afford to look after myself. I don't have a life really though because I'm too ill.

I was once very well off and didn't feel guilty at all, but like others have said I felt both lucky and grateful. I've also been poor, but never felt shame about that either.

I come from a foreign country with huge wealth inequality, but a dynamic economy and meritocracy with plenty of opportunities. I grew up with the unshakeable belief that education + hard work = success. What I feel terrible about is that there are plenty of those in the UK who believe that this is true, although in my own experience there is almost a complete decoupling of the relationship between effort/ability and reward. Nobody gets rich in the UK without luck.

I resent that having taken a calculated risk to leave the workforce to gain a top-level qualification that I now appear to be almost unemployable even though I know that I'm capable of earning £100k upwards (even in the North). More than that, I feel terrible that others with far more potential than me will go through their entire lives frustrated and unfulfilled because they can't catch a lucky break. At least I've lived the dream.

I don't feel guilty per se but since joining MN & reading threads when people refer to choosing to buy food or electricity it has made me realise we're better off than some which I am appreciative/grateful. A lot of our situation is down to chance I would say, I joined a company straight out of uni doing a job I had no idea about but found my niche & have been there 12 years gradually increasing my salary. DH has moved jobs a few times increasing his salary a bit each time, the end result being we will mortgage free at 50, have one big holiday abroad a year & one or two city breaks/U.K. Holidays too. Neither of us have flash cars, spend much on clothes, going out, beer, fags etc. All that so we can afford to save as well.

I don't know if guilt is the right word. I feel very aware of how much I have compared to other people. Not that I feel rich - I earn a good salary but it is the only salary in the family and I support four people and a mortgage on it, and I haven't had a pay rise in years so though we're fine we don't go on foreign holidays and we don't have a car.

But I do think, a lot, about how if I find it tight sometimes on my salary, how people cope who have far far less. And I know the answer to that because I was raised poor - not starving, but council flat, free school meals, benefits poor.

So I know what it's like and I also know that this fantasy that hard work = wealth is a crock of shite, really. On this thread, as everywhere else, everyone says well I have money but I worked for it - and I don't doubt they did. But there are many many other people who work damn hard and still don't have enough to keep the wolf from their door. That is an outrage, as is the fact that most wealthy people were born wealthy.

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Are you a journalist?

You've set up a false dichotomy there:

Either you feel guilty, or you are greedy

So yeah: don't feel guilty, but do be aware and informed about how wealth works, and do your bit to help.

I used to have a day rate of £5k a day (very specialised field). Then I got sick. Very fucking sick. My children are at private school as Ex-H still earns huge amounts but I am now (relatively) poor.

I would swap all chances at re-earning my day rate for guaranteed health and I'd do it in a a heartbeat. I was piss poor as a kid and the one thing I strove for was financial safety and security yet when I became ill it both went and didn't even fucking matter compared to what I was (still am to a degree) dealing with.

So I envy people of full health, not and never ever their 'wealth'.

But a very firm agreement with PP who raised how fucking hard it is to keep your kids gounded/non 'entitled' when they have never ever known the grinding poverty I knew growing up - they will never know the physical pain of not having eaten for 3 days and whilst I'm very grateful for that, I am uncomfortable with what they regard as 'normal' (in spite of being pretty well rounded kids and with me banging on about it all the time !!!)

I have zero clue what the answer to the above is other than to keep reminding them of their privilege and to literally show them what poverty is by taking them places they'd never normally see, via donation of money and time when I was well, and also by even still now gifting 'Christmas' to a variety of families less fortunate than them so they are active participants in at least an attempt for them to grasp what the world looks like for many many people.

I don't feel guilty at all. I wouldn't say we were rich but we are very comfortable. I grew up in a council house, not much money, no holidays when all around me my school friends were well off.

I have worked hard for what I have and so has my dh. We don't get a lot of time together at the moment as I have been working towards promotion which I have now got and he is working towards promotion too. In a couple of months we will be able to change things hopefully so we do get some time off together.

On paper we are richer than we actually are. We spend a lot of money on others so will never be rich.

Although I don't feel guilty I can see that others work hard in low paid jobs that should be a lot better paid, so it isn't just down to hard work.

It about choices. I chose to put a lot of extra work into my promotion. If I hadnt I would be in a much lower paid job.

We cannot have children. I would give up my decent salary in a heartbeat for the opportunity to have a child.

So yes, some people may look at us and think we are well off, but other people are rich in non monetary ways.

Not guilty, no. I studied and work/ed hard to get where I am today, which including living well within my means when so many of my peers were pissing it up the wall - literally and metaphorically.

I started on a pretty basic low paying job in the late 90s but now earn pretty well. I got a stonking payrise last year but instead of adjusting my lifestyle and expenses, I put the whole lot into my pension, so I am still living on the same amount I was pre-pay rise. Again, I know may people who would splurge the lot and live up to their increased means.

I do feel for the next generation though - false expectations planted in their heads throughout education of amazing jobs and salaries from day 1, then they are hit with tuition fees, outrageous accommodation costs and then the actuality of starting your career on shitty money to pay for it all.

Define "well off".

Thinking about my working class hang ups: I could never send my kid to private school, just couldn't. Dithered for ages about whether to send youngest DC (others are through the school system now) and couldn't bring ourselves to.

Also could never have a cleaner. I have been ripped apart before for this on Mumsnet. If you have a cleaner I'm not judging you; loads of my friends do. But my mum used to be a cleaner and I just hate the thought of someone else having to clean up after me.

Growing inequality within developed societies is becoming a global issue

I wonder if growing global EQUALITY is actually the issue here though. Lots of people in developing countries have been raised out of absolute poverty partly because of the relocation of industry from the developed world to the developing world. Maybe money is being more fairly distributed around the world and we in the west are suffering the pain of that?

Personally, I don't think people leading a middle class lifestyle in the West is the problem, it's the super rich. Nobody needs 50 million pound houses or 100 million pound super yachts while their employees have to claim top up state benefits to feed their families.

Something defiantly needs to change though. Maybe a move away from taxing earnings to taxing assets/