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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my other halfs an a-hole!

185 replies

meg180611 · 05/05/2017 00:08

We had the in laws for dinner tonight, so obviously I had to tidy and clean all the rooms they would see...also make the dinner for 5, which isn't the norm for me so a bit of a task. As well as take care of/feed/change and entertain our 5 month old daughter. Oh and do washings/hang out/bring in/fold put away. Also visit my mother with said child who was complaining she hadn't seen her since Sunday. (Sigh)

SO I thought, easiest thing to make? Pasta! Let OH know this when he txt asking the usual what's for dinner, his response... "can you not be a bit more imaginative? We have pasta all the time" I let it go and explained it's easy for me with the baby to just shove a pot of pasta on..

So I made a bit of an effort and put chicken in the pasta, and do you know what the first word he said to me before he even said hello? "Chickens a bit over cooked" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AIBU to continue to not speak to him until I get an apology? I know it sound pathetic but when you try and please and it gets shot down so harshly, really makes you resent them. It's even more annoying that he doesn't even think he's being sh*tty to me.

This is just an example of how most things he says/does since the baby infuriate me, do I just suck it up?

OP posts:
StillHungryy · 05/05/2017 00:11

Not saying he wasn't an arse. He was but just to clarify did you intend on pasta just by itself nothing else?

Madammim17 · 05/05/2017 00:11

YADNBU. The bloody cheek of him! Tell him that next time he wants his parents to be catered for, he can damn well do it himself! You deserve so much more respect than that Flowers If he's regularly like this, chances are of him changing or realising his selfish attitude are slim I'm afraid Sad

DeleteOrDecay · 05/05/2017 00:15

YANBU at all. If he's not happy with your choice of meal then why can't he take the initiative and come up with something himself? Complaining about it being over cooked is just ungrateful.

Still I think it's fair to assume that there must have been some sort of sauce to accompany the pasta. No one serves plain pasta to grown adults surely?

mmif241216 · 05/05/2017 00:16

Lol no to clarify it was pesto pasta with some veggies but we usually just have that without chicken Grin

Madammim17 thanks...it's sad because I never felt this way before the baby, but I wonder if it's just the fact I notice it now?!

user1491572121 · 05/05/2017 00:18

Have you name changed OP? Confused WHy cant' your husband cook for them? Was he at work?

Pasta and pesto is what people serve to children OP...bland and not great. I wouldn't make it for 5 adults coming to mine for a meal.

It's quite easy to do something like a roast chicken with salad and nice bread/cheese.

mmif241216 · 05/05/2017 00:25

Yes it's me! OP different name. It's something we enjoy but feel he was wanting me to impress his parents which I definitely don't need to do after 6 years so in a probably childish way decided to make pasta...eat what your given kind of attitude? Yes at work, good idea with roast chicken, although I would probably just buy cooked from supermarket lol!

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 05/05/2017 00:29

He's a complete moron. If my in-laws were coming over and I was busy with a baby it would be pizza delivery. Maybe splash out and get a good pizza. DP could get the wine on the way home. If DP complained about any of this the in-laws would not be visiting.

Everyone knows that small baby time means eat anything quick and easy time.

Don't give him the silent treatment. That's immature and won't achieve anything. Sit him down and tell him how actually hard looking after a baby is and that if he wants "more imaginative" food in the future he will be making it himself, with a smile, or you won't be cooking anything for him from now on.

He needs to shape up now because if there are more kids to come he needs to be a decent parent, which means supporting the primary caregiver.

mmif241216 · 05/05/2017 00:38

I'm glad we all feel the same. It's one of those things I don't want to mention to my mum because she'll old it against him...forever!

Thanks ladies, I feel like a moany cow but I'll see how it goes tomorrow with me calmly and with a smile explaining to him that it's actually hard being a mum/cleaner/chef and all things in between!

Spectre8 · 05/05/2017 00:48

Reading your post and if you read it too, in hindisght do you think there were some things you could of done another day instead to lighten the pressure e.g. could clothes have been washed and dried tomorrow? Or have your mother pop over instead? Just suggestions.

user1491572121 · 05/05/2017 00:48

Yes....tell him no inlaws for dinner unless it's a weekend and HE'S cooking.

ScarlettFreestone · 05/05/2017 00:49

Next time the in-laws come he tidies the night before and makes the meal (the night before if necessary).

Spectre8 · 05/05/2017 00:53

Seriously in the time OP has spent on here she could of made a week's worth of sandwichs for her OH Grin

Spectre8 · 05/05/2017 00:53

oops posted in the wrong place - ignore it

mmif241216 · 05/05/2017 00:54

100% spectre8 I totally agree with you. BUT in my defence...mother doesn't drive so she can't get to me easily and had a very pukey baby yesterday so stinky clothes in the wash bag is a no no! I know all sounds like excuses (I'm not perfect) but really don't feel i could have made this better

The chicken would still have been f*cking overcooked lol!!

Spectre8 · 05/05/2017 00:56

Lol fair enough I did think you wouldn't of done something if you didn't need to.

haveacupoftea · 05/05/2017 01:19

YANBU! If he wants perfectly cooked chicken he can fucking well cook it himself. Having said that you do need to tell him when you're struggling. Men tend to be quite self involved and need it pointed out to them.

OverthinkingSpartacus · 05/05/2017 02:27

He should be pitching in. More so if he has invited extra guests. He's a grown adult man and shouldn't need it pointing out to him that this extra guests mean extra tasks for you, youve told him looking after DC and house is hard work, if he was pitching in he'd know that, which makes me think that even when he's home, the housework and parenting still falls to you?

Does he pull his weight on a weekend? When he's home after work? Or does he think you should be doing bulk of everything everyday because he works?

When he asked what's for dinner, I'd have said "dunno, I'm busy with a, b c and d so can you cook, or help me cook, otherwise it's pasta" :)

Legma37 · 05/05/2017 05:58

Maybe the way @user makes Vegetable Pesto Pasta is bland and not great - I wouldn't be put off making that instead of uninspiring chicken salad with bread and cheese.

user1491572121 · 05/05/2017 06:02

Legma well pasta and pesto IS bland. OP didn't indicate she was adding anything extra in the way of sauces or seasoning.

Uninspiring chicken and salad isn't uninspiring if it's done correctly. A beautifully seasoned chicken with a special salad can include a lot of ingredients or a few. I was trying to suggest something OP would find simple, but which would be more than pasta and pesto!

DoubleCarrick · 05/05/2017 06:04

Everyone has you running around after them, op. For perspective, my in laws come round to see 4mo ds on Fridays. Last week they roasted a chicken and potatoes and brought veg. Husband came home from work and reheated the meat and potatoes and cooked the veg. Wink

You might need to put your foot down. People naturally will let you run yourself ragged if you allow it to happen

esiotrot2015 · 05/05/2017 06:06

Five month olds eat pesto pasta these days ?!

liquidrevolution · 05/05/2017 06:10

I dont care what anyone else thinks. I bloody love pesto pasta.

I even choose it at restaurants.

Next time a) DH cooks and b) your mother can wait.

I suggest you get these rules in place now as things will get much harder when baby turns into a toddler.

Joinourclub · 05/05/2017 06:14

I think you're both being a bit mean. You clearly make the effort to see lots of your own mum, but all you'll cook your in laws is a bit of pasta and pesto? I presume you knew they were coming over more than an hour in advance? And it isn't like they come for dinner every week? I think you could have made more effort. 'Eat what you're given' is a bit of a poor attitude. Yes it's busy looking after baby and the home, but you didn't HAVE to go and see your mum, you could have used that time to make a teeny bit more effort for his.

(Yes, yes, I know the way he spoke to you was out of order, you're not his personal cook etc but other posters have already said that)

ANewDawn · 05/05/2017 06:14

It's NOT the pasta, it's the attitude. Some of the replies are like articles from a 1950's magazine.

hesterton · 05/05/2017 06:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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