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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my other halfs an a-hole!

185 replies

meg180611 · 05/05/2017 00:08

We had the in laws for dinner tonight, so obviously I had to tidy and clean all the rooms they would see...also make the dinner for 5, which isn't the norm for me so a bit of a task. As well as take care of/feed/change and entertain our 5 month old daughter. Oh and do washings/hang out/bring in/fold put away. Also visit my mother with said child who was complaining she hadn't seen her since Sunday. (Sigh)

SO I thought, easiest thing to make? Pasta! Let OH know this when he txt asking the usual what's for dinner, his response... "can you not be a bit more imaginative? We have pasta all the time" I let it go and explained it's easy for me with the baby to just shove a pot of pasta on..

So I made a bit of an effort and put chicken in the pasta, and do you know what the first word he said to me before he even said hello? "Chickens a bit over cooked" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AIBU to continue to not speak to him until I get an apology? I know it sound pathetic but when you try and please and it gets shot down so harshly, really makes you resent them. It's even more annoying that he doesn't even think he's being sh*tty to me.

This is just an example of how most things he says/does since the baby infuriate me, do I just suck it up?

OP posts:
53rdWay · 05/05/2017 18:33

OP name-changed and posted several times.

DontPullThatTubeOut · 05/05/2017 20:02

I think you should be allowed to complain when food isn't cooked how you like it, for example I cooked something he other day but the pasta was a bit too hard my partner said it's too hard and put his plate away, I didn't mind because I know he can't force himself to eat something he doesn't like therefore it doesn't bother me. I don't rush out and make him anything else though and he understands that.

bigbuttons · 05/05/2017 20:19

Why would the OP name change and post several times?

Why would HQ think that acceptable?

user1493022461 · 05/05/2017 20:44

I know it sound pathetic but when you try and please and it gets shot down so harshly, really makes you resent them. It's even more annoying that he doesn't even think he's being shtty to me*

But you didn't try and please, you made the very easiest thing you could think of (your own words), against what he said. And it was hardly harshly shot down.

You don't have to cook for anyone if you don't want, but you sound very over dramatic. Don't have them over if you cant't be arsed.

user1493022461 · 05/05/2017 20:47

"Five month olds eat pesto pasta these days ?!"
Kids don't have to eat puree from jars anymore, who knew.

I think the point is more that 5 months olds don't eat actual food, unless they are weaned early. V early, if they are already on pasta, and badly if they are eating pesto at that age (one of the saltiest things you can buy).

squirreltrap · 05/05/2017 21:33

Jarred pesto?

The dolmio of the times

MissBax · 05/05/2017 21:57

Can't believe the comments on this. If OP had made beans on toast that's not the bloody point. Her partner should not be criticising when all the duties have been left to a mum with young baby and to host for his parents. And fwiw I love pasta with anything!

pictish · 05/05/2017 22:39

"Can't believe the comments on this. If OP had made beans on toast that's not the bloody point."

Well it kinda was for me. I wasn't delving deep here...I just wouldn't serve up pesto pasta with chicken in it to dinner guests. I can cook.

user1493022461 · 05/05/2017 22:43

It is the point. You invite guests, you cook for them properly. One little baby hardly gets in the way of that!

RJnomore1 · 05/05/2017 22:45

They're not dinner guests they're bloody family!

user1493022461 · 05/05/2017 22:47

Family dinner guests.

pictish · 05/05/2017 22:51

"We had the in laws for dinner tonight, so obviously I had to tidy and clean all the rooms they would see...also make the dinner for 5, which isn't the norm for me so a bit of a task."

They're dinner guests.

pictish · 05/05/2017 22:52

Meaning; they're not 'coming for tea'.

MissBax · 06/05/2017 07:06

It's bloody family. When my mum or IL's come I always just serve up simple dishes. The OP even stated that cooking for 5 isn't usual for her and so is quite a task. Let's not get all high and mighty about it and stick to her point. Her OH could have said something along the lines of thanks for making such an effort and getting the house so lovely. If he knew she wasn't used to cooking he should have opted to get something himself.

Furchesterbaby · 06/05/2017 08:25

You do realise that dinner/tea are interchangeable right? We call our evening meal our dinner. It's a casual affair.

You really shouldn't have to put on airs and graces for family.

NavyandWhite · 06/05/2017 08:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissBax · 06/05/2017 09:15

Navy - 4/5 regardless. The OP said it's not something she's used to and so found it a task. Your pedantacism does you no favours and just paints you as rude and judgemental.

pictish · 06/05/2017 09:18

The baby. Hmm Grin

After such a mammoth task I hope OP is able to muster up enough energy to get some enjoyment out of this lovely, bright weekend, even if she is weak with fatigue having made pasta for 'five'.

NavyandWhite · 06/05/2017 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissBax · 06/05/2017 10:56

pictish and navy I hope neither of you work in a job where empathy and compassion are necessary qualities.

NavyandWhite · 06/05/2017 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissBax · 06/05/2017 11:05

You deciding when or when empathy is required is not compassionate. We don't always have to understand other people's anxieties and why people find certain situations stressful.

NavyandWhite · 06/05/2017 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

53rdWay · 06/05/2017 11:10

Find it quite saddening how many people on here clearly think it's just fine for the OP's husband to speak to her like that if she didn't cook to their own standards.

It's always the same on threads about mat leave/SAHP expectations - bunch of people saying "well why can't you whip up a buffet with your newborn twins three hours post-CS? Is lobster REALLY that much more effort than toast, OP? I did all of that with triplets!" - and missing the OP's partner's shit behaviour entirely in their own race to win the Wifework Olympics.

If you think the OP doesn't deserve any respect and compassion because she cooked pasta, you need to have a serious word with yourself.

user1493022461 · 06/05/2017 11:11

pictish and navy I hope neither of you work in a job where empathy and compassion are necessary qualities

Which jobs involve empathy and compassion for those suffering with the outlandish ordeal of boiling slightly more pasta than usual? Is the handing out grips office?