AIBU to think my other halfs an a-hole!

[meg180611]

We had the in laws for dinner tonight, so obviously I had to tidy and clean all the rooms they would see...also make the dinner for 5, which isn't the norm for me so a bit of a task. As well as take care of/feed/change and entertain our 5 month old daughter. Oh and do washings/hang out/bring in/fold put away. Also visit my mother with said child who was complaining she hadn't seen her since Sunday. (Sigh)

SO I thought, easiest thing to make? Pasta! Let OH know this when he txt asking the usual what's for dinner, his response... "can you not be a bit more imaginative? We have pasta all the time" I let it go and explained it's easy for me with the baby to just shove a pot of pasta on..

So I made a bit of an effort and put chicken in the pasta, and do you know what the first word he said to me before he even said hello? "Chickens a bit over cooked" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AIBU to continue to not speak to him until I get an apology? I know it sound pathetic but when you try and please and it gets shot down so harshly, really makes you resent them. It's even more annoying that he doesn't even think he's being sh*tty to me.

This is just an example of how most things he says/does since the baby infuriate me, do I just suck it up?

Not really no, all sounds quite normal.

Though I strongly suspect, well actually I know, that there are a lot of men around that wouldn't dream of cooking for their wives or looking after their own children alone.

It tends to breed the type of stress and resentment we see in the op.

Navyandwhite it is normal for ME, you're not LUCKY that your husband is cooking and running his child to a club. It is definitely not normal for every family.

Backtracking on what exactly?

Op has said her partner is making her seethe since having had the baby.

It's as simple as this. I personally wouldn't expect anyone to have so much as made me a sandwich after looking after a baby all day., I certainly wouldn't expect my spouse to cook for my family after looking after a baby all day. If they did then it would be a bonus and I'd be grateful.

If you found it ok with 3 babies and cooking and moving house and whatever else, then that is very nice for you.

Sounds like the sort of thing dw and I would say to each other. Although we'd have the good sense to run for cover after saying it or be prepared to wear the pasta.

Instead of waiting for an apology I think he needs to 'walk a mile in your shoes'. Next weekend arrange so he has dd all day and cooks an 'interesting' meal for you and your parents.

I think l'd explode if my husband sent me a text each fucking night!
I do all the cooking here- a family of five. I've been doing it 20 long years- l'm so over it that l've pondered just how bad it would be to only cook from boxes forever

No, but there's a difference between cooking some tea for your children because they need to eat, and cooking for your husband and in laws then being moaned at that the food isn't fancy enough or cooked well.

Then the OH should have made sure his parents were invited at a time more suitable to him so he was able to cook a meal for his parents.

What is the point in being married if you can't relie on dw/dh? I thought it's supposed to be a partnership?

But Navy, did your DH appreciate your efforts or just take them for granted and whinge if he didn't find them up to scratch?

Because that's what the OP is resentful of. It's no problem to "just get on with it" if you know your partner appreciates it and will do his bit when he gets home.

I also cook for 5 every night of the week & 3 of those days are after (get this) i've been at work all day. I still think the DH was very rude & ungrateful.

Do people with small babies really not cook?

Never knew that.

How queer.

Well, from what you've said on this thread, your circumstances sound entirely different from those of the OP. In your context the comment may well be innocuous and tolerable; in hers it sounds like the culmination of a long stretch of thoughtless, selfish behaviour on the part of her husband. So no comparison.

I don't cook at all actually, no. My husband works full time, does the garden and cooks. I do everything else around the house and childcare. Everyone has their own set up which works for them.

As I recall I did very little between the hours of 5pm and 8pm when ds1 was small but pace the floor with him and/or cluster feed.

I can't see the post where anyone has said that nobody cooks ever with small babies?

I hardly cooked with my first because I was usually feeding non stop in the evening. My mum sent meals over and I ate lots of jacket potatoes and cheese on toast.

I tried to cook with my second, but again, evenings were lots of feeding and a grizzly baby. We tried to freeze food from weekends, again my mum sent food and I'd cook as and when I could, dh would do it when he got in and we ate a lot of eggs and beans.

If dh came in and could see I'd been trying to prepare food and clean the house I'd hope the first thing he'd ask is what he could do to help, not criticise my efforts.

There are times of course we'd comment on food but not in the context of the op and not with visitors.