AIBU to think my other halfs an a-hole!

[meg180611]

We had the in laws for dinner tonight, so obviously I had to tidy and clean all the rooms they would see...also make the dinner for 5, which isn't the norm for me so a bit of a task. As well as take care of/feed/change and entertain our 5 month old daughter. Oh and do washings/hang out/bring in/fold put away. Also visit my mother with said child who was complaining she hadn't seen her since Sunday. (Sigh)

SO I thought, easiest thing to make? Pasta! Let OH know this when he txt asking the usual what's for dinner, his response... "can you not be a bit more imaginative? We have pasta all the time" I let it go and explained it's easy for me with the baby to just shove a pot of pasta on..

So I made a bit of an effort and put chicken in the pasta, and do you know what the first word he said to me before he even said hello? "Chickens a bit over cooked" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AIBU to continue to not speak to him until I get an apology? I know it sound pathetic but when you try and please and it gets shot down so harshly, really makes you resent them. It's even more annoying that he doesn't even think he's being sh*tty to me.

This is just an example of how most things he says/does since the baby infuriate me, do I just suck it up?

Imo yes your dh was an arse for criticising when you'd made a big effort. It's not about the food, you'd taken a lot on in preparation for his parents.

I think your biggest mistake was taking it all on. You don't need to impress your in laws. If family are visiting, they shouldn't care what your home is like or about your cooking abilities. So long as there is a clean toilet to use, a chair to sit on, and a clean mug for a cuppa that's all that really matters.

Some people enjoy hosting fancy dinner parties, others don't. Whether pasta is bland is a matter of opinion and personal taste.

You have a baby, you don't need to be running around trying to make the house spotless or cooking for lots of people.

Why not next time relax, do what you'd usually do in a day, buy a cake from the supermarket, then when your in laws arrive sit them down, make them all a cuppa and send your dh out for fish and chips? Job done, everyone can relax and enjoy each others company.

So hang on. The only people in Britain enjoying meals in the evening with friends or family are those lucky enough to be invited by somebody with the day off?

And people in full time work just have to shrug and accept that working all day makes it impossible to have your folks over for their tea?

Do me a favour. The 1950's called, they want their gender politics back.

pictish Well then maybe the in laws can only come for dinner when dh is there to cook. Seems petty AF but if that's how people do things, fair enough. My in laws can come mid-week if they like because I like them and don't grudge making them a meal.

Many of us like our in laws.

However if like the OP I had a 5 month old baby, an OH with a caveman attitude and I wasn't a very confident cook I wouldn't be making them a meal midweek and tidying the house with a mop up my arse as I go while their son was at work.

By all means visit, but it would be coffee and shop bought cake.

If your dh wants the house spotless and a fancy meal he'll have to have them over on a weekend when he can organise it all.

Pictish it's nothing to do with liking your inlaws. Op has a 5 month old, when mine were 5 months there were days I struggled to get dressed let alone cook a meal for 5.

Another way of looking at it is if ops in laws like her, surely they wouldn't want her running around and stressing cooking and cleaning for them, they'd be happy to just enjoy visiting their son, dil and grandchild and wouldn't have any expectations of how the house should be or whether the food was up to standard?

morriszap- not at all.

It just makes the mechanics of entertaining more complicated when everyone is busy.
OH and I don't entertain unless there is no work that day. We need time to shop and cook and yes tidy the house. OH always cooks, no matter who is coming over. I usually tidy, hoover and drink wine until they arrive.
I don't see anything 1950s about that.

The whole point of the thread is that ops dh wasn't happy with the pasta and chicken.

Anyway what is your point exactly? That you find cooking for lots of people easy? That you don't see pasta as cooking? This isn't about you navyandwhite.

Op had a stressful day preparing for her in laws, imo she didn't need to.

Early on wheneverbmyninlaws came round I would make a real effort and make dinner party meals. But I found that stressful and decided that the whole focus was spending time with as a family. Now I just make more of a family dinner. His sister comes round of an evening quite regularly and it's relaxing as I just make a little extra

Stop doing all the work, next time his parents come over, he cooks.

I think you're on your high horse.

When you have a 5 month old making beans on toast can be a stress at times. Not everyone is good at cooking even seemingly to some people basic food.

I wonder how many men rush around tidying up and making chicken and pasta for their wives mum and dad.

He's being an arse OP and no you shouldn't just suck it up.

Suggestion: next weekend or whenever he's not working, leave him with the baby and a messy house and invite your mum over for dinner. Go out yourself. Text him occasionally to complain that whatever he's cooking is wrong. Would he be feeling particularly happy with you? I'm betting not...

Navyandwhite that is YOU, that was your choice. You cannot judge other people by your experience or expectations.

I don't know what your point is exactly? That you had 3 small children, that you find pasta and chicken very simple?

For many people it would be a challenge.

Personally I would never choose to have 3 small children at once, I'd find it a struggle, I find cooking and clearing up a challenge with a baby around.

There's a family that have 19 kids or something like that and must manage, but that's their choice isn't it.

YANBU, I have a 5 month old and struggle to wash up most days. Most babies under 6 months are still too small to fit in walkers, jumperoos etc. and get bored/overstimulated with most things after about 10 minutes, so yes, it is difficult to get anything done. Congratulations to those people who find it easy; I'm not sure how that's relevant to the OP's question though as she doesn't find it easy.

I always feel inclined to tidy for guests but I would probably expect my husband to do the tidying in preparation for his parents' visit.

Your husband comes across as a bit of a dick. And if he'd insulted my cooking in front of his parents I'd like to think they'd pull him up on it. Did they say anything to counter his comment?

Also my mum sees my baby 2-3 days a week but would normally understand if my in laws were around.

These replies are infuriating. No they don't have to come only when he is there to cook and no you shouldn't have made more of an effort with the pasta.

The problem is that your DH seems to think all the stops should be pulled out for in laws for a weeknight tea. He needs to stop expecting bloody masterchef and be glad you've cooked him dinner at all. It's called basic manners.

You seem to a bit at the beck and call of what everyone else wants to put it mildly.

Your mother not seeing the baby for a few days when your busy is not a problem.

Your house being messy when your in laws come is not a problem.

Feeding guests a pasta dish is not a problem.

Your dh though is a problem. Can I just say I'm a very non violent person but if my dh started with that he would have been wearing the pasta.

.... txt asking the usual what's for dinner

Suggest you think up a "usual" reply along the lines of "Whatever you choose to shop for and cook, my dearest". Tinkly laugh. Oh, and don't forget to carp like an arse at the quality of his cooking. Sauce for the goose and all that.

When my in laws visit we just all go out for dinner now. There's a family friendly restaurant nearby that's reasonable. It's much easier for everyone.

I think you're both being a bit mean. You clearly make the effort to see lots of your own mum, but all you'll cook your in laws is a bit of pasta and pesto? I presume you knew they were coming over more than an hour in advance? And it isn't like they come for dinner every week? I think you could have made more effort. 'Eat what you're given' is a bit of a poor attitude. Yes it's busy looking after baby and the home, but you didn't HAVE to go and see your mum, you could have used that time to make a teeny bit more effort for his.

Reading this post I feel like the female empowerment is lost forever. It actually makes me anxious about the future of our daughters who we thought will have a life of equality instead of some 19th century advice on how to conduct yourself as a proper wife.
Btw., pasta and pesto (homemade pesto) can be a really delicious dinner which I would be delighted to get. Serve it with freshly grated parmesan and salad and a great dinner is ready.
But if my DH tried slagging me for not making an effort while taking care of a little baby, I'd advise him to cook himself.

Seriously, WTF is going on in here? Women acting like it's normal to kow tow to your precious heads of the family again?

I think people are missing the point. Pasta and chicken isn't difficult to cook.

However the two things that stick out. You seem to run round after your mother. Why?

Also, everything your husband does infuriates you. Instead of not talking to him until he apologises, why not start talking about what he's doing (or not) that's giving you the hump?