AIBU?? Is this taking the piss?

[TesticleMeElmo]

Right, bit of a rant here but hear me out. Our DD is 4 next week, so we're having a party on Sunday for her. We've hired a hall, got the nibbles sorted, and invited everyone she wants and a fair few family members and their children as well. Apart from the fact that it's taken best part of a sodding month for anyone to rsvp, I'm now suddenly getting messages galore asking 'Are parents staying or are we just dropping off?'
Surely this is ridiculous?? I wouldn't DREAM of leaving DD at a party free for all with roughly 40 other kids that she's unlikely to know many of (we have a large family) while she's so young. Is this a thing now? What if they need the toilet?? What if they break themselves? What if they break someone else?? What if they're being horrible little shits and need to be told off??! Am I right in thinking they just want an afternoon of free childcare while they bugger off and do something that's actually fun? How old were yours when you left them?

Seems quite a normal question to me. Why are you having such a large party with kids your DD doesn't know, is it a family catch up as well? If so then I'd expect parents to stay.

Normal around my way!

ime 4 was the age when some parents began to leave dc. Not unreasonable to ask the question, surely?

Yeah I agree, 4 is too young to be leaving at a party. Like you say, toilet trips, food, drink etc all needs closely supervising still. Are you telling them they need to stay? I think 6ish was when I first left mine.

Yes YABU, that's a totally normal question! Just say you'd prefer a parent to stay as they're so little but you're providing chairs and nibbles for the adults as well.

Except don't say nibbles because ugh.

By 4 I'd expect a lot of parents to drop and go for a party.
But it is unusual to have a family party and a kids party in the same event.

It seems reasonable and in fact polite for them to ask - what if you didn't expect parents to stay and then they all did? And suddenly you had all these parents there who you weren't expecting to cater for?

Pretty standard that some people leave them and a few will drop off. Ds was dropped off at some parties at that age,some we stayed.
I had a list so if someone was dropping off I had their number in case of emergencies.
I said no to someone expecting to drop off an 18 month old who I had invited with his sibling so she didn't have to worry about childcare.
At least they are asking!

I'd have expected them to be dropped off at that age

I wouldn't dream of leaving a 4 year old st a party. Ds is 5 and parties at homes/soft play/big halls always have a parent stay. Parents are rarely catered for unless it's a small 'at-home' party.

DC2,3,4 & 5 were all left at parties from the age of 4. It was the only way they could go because of the older siblings and DH being away for work a lot. It certainly wasn't because I wanted free childcare.

Between 4 and 5 was when drop and run started for us - definitely around the time of starting school. Assuming you're inviting nursery friends, some of those kids will be closer to 5 than 4.

My dd is almost 4 and had a party last weekend, I was staying as it was a play centre and I think 4 is too young to leave but I was thinking "I hops I'm not the only one and party child's parents don't mind", they didn't and I stayed but maybe people are just checking what you might want them to do? In a few years you'll have parents staying when you want them to go, everyone is different, just message them back to say you have a lot of people coming so you would appreciate people staying

As others have said, that's the age where drop off starts to be a thing, hence people asking.

Would be unreasonable for them to just drop and run so the fact they're asking is therefore very reasonable!

Some people actively prefer parents to leave so theres more space, don't have to provide drinks for them, etc.

If you want them to stay just say so! That's the whole reason they're asking!

Although yes personally I would think 4 is quite young to leave and would feel better from 6ish, everyone's different including children who can vary hugely in maturity aged 4.

You leave them at school at that age.. 4 is old enough to go to the toilet by themselves isn't it? Assuming it's a secure building and an adult is in charge.

I think it is perfectly reasonable of them to ask. Many people do leave their DC at 4 (personally, I wouldn't) and they are just trying to clarify what is expected.

I would ask this of you because 4/5 is when some children can be left at some parties.

Have you told parents what your sibling policy is? If you want a parent to stay, they might have to have their other children with them.

By 4 I'd expect a lot of parents to drop and go for a party.But it is unusual to have a family party and a kids party in the same event.

I agree with this.

You are having a rant because you think people should be able to read your mind and KNOW to stay at this party--why not write it on the bloody invite?!

Yes-I left DC at parties of her friends at 4/5. I also went to very few parties at this age where there were lots of family members. Grandmas and aunties might be here to hand out cake, but not as an invited person themselves.

I have also read enough posts on here hoping people drop their kids off and DON'T stay at parties to think YABU!

I think for our fourth birthdays all parents just dropped off the children. I wouldn't combine a family event with nursery friends though without making clear what the event was.

Oh fgs, they're only asking!

It's standard from 5yo/reception birthdays round this way, but plenty of people do it earlier.

I wouldn't leave my 4 year old yet. It's not even entered my head. And if I was holding a party for her I'd be happy for the parents to stick around for a chat.

YABU - they are actually being polite as it could have been you were short on space and food and wanted them to bugger off, so they are checking they aren't gatecrashing.

40 children ??!!
No-one I know dropped off until school age