AIBU?? Is this taking the piss?

[TesticleMeElmo]

Right, bit of a rant here but hear me out. Our DD is 4 next week, so we're having a party on Sunday for her. We've hired a hall, got the nibbles sorted, and invited everyone she wants and a fair few family members and their children as well. Apart from the fact that it's taken best part of a sodding month for anyone to rsvp, I'm now suddenly getting messages galore asking 'Are parents staying or are we just dropping off?'
Surely this is ridiculous?? I wouldn't DREAM of leaving DD at a party free for all with roughly 40 other kids that she's unlikely to know many of (we have a large family) while she's so young. Is this a thing now? What if they need the toilet?? What if they break themselves? What if they break someone else?? What if they're being horrible little shits and need to be told off??! Am I right in thinking they just want an afternoon of free childcare while they bugger off and do something that's actually fun? How old were yours when you left them?

Seems to me a perfectly reasonable question, my 3/4 year was very happy to be left and I much preferred to run childrens' parties without parents hanging around - just make it clear, no need for such a drama.

I am sure there have been AIBUs where people are having a rant because parents insisted on staying..............

Oh dear, you really haven't thought this through have you?

• We've hired a hall [good]
• got the nibbles sorted [define 'nibbles'. Crisps and snacks? Not a party food menu then?
• invited everyone she wants and a fair few family members and their children as well free for all with roughly 40 other kids that she's unlikely to know many of (we have a large family) [oops, not DDs birthday party then, you have chosen the MASSIVE guest list for a 4 year old]

NOW BRACE YOUR SELF TO CATER FOR 40 PARENTS AS WELL IF YOU WANT THEM TO STAY.

Tea/coffee, biscuits/cake (remember to take milk, sugar and sweeteners if you have hired a hall. Do you have access to the kitchen to boil water, access crockery? )

You need to calm down and start to think this through logically (and nominate a couple of family members to organise the drinks and cake for the parents who are staying)

I want all the parents at my son's party to bugger off so I don't have to make small talk. Can your 4 yo not go to the toilet by herself?

A normal question for a kids party not for what your having which sounds like a family party.

Pre-5 - expect parents to stay.
Post-5 leave them - unless public building like soft play.
Post-7 - host parents expect you to leave

YABU. These parents have the decency and have taken the time to ask you what you would prefer they do and you are complaining about them. Some people don't have the budget or space to entertain parents and want them to drop and run - others want parents to stay for the support and as a way to build relationships. If you want them to stay then just say so! You are lucky they didn't assume it's ok to drop and run. I once had a parent drop a 3 year old off at a play centre party with access to the general public and tell me I won't need to worry about taking him to the toilet as she'd put a nappy on him. When I had children at parties who where about 4 years old, I made sure there was food and space for parents but usually only about half stayed. A couple of children needed the toilet during the party but at that age they can hold their bladders for a couple of hours and most are too excited to want to miss anything by going to the toilet anyway.

At least they've asked instead of just assuming. I didn't leave mine until they started school but i know some do. Just send a message to everyone asking that a parent stays

It's fair enough to ask the question - quite polite and thoughtful actually. I wouldn't leave a 4 year old, but older child definitely. You may well find you have a number of siblings as well. A party with 80+ people sounds like a complete nightmare tbh, hope it goes okay.

I dreaded party invites for dd2 at this age as she had two older siblings aged 6 and 7 so it was tricky if I was expected to stay as I would need to find someone to look after the older two. Dh wasn't always available. People have families and multiple commitments, it isn't all about you and your needs op.

Who exactly is this party for? Most four year olds( just) would be utterly overwhelmed by this.

*If you had specified a) that it was a large mixed page party and b) that the invitation was for x and parents were to stay, then it would be unreasonable for people to be asking.

However, if you didn't specify, how do they know it isn't 10 children with a few party games*
This ^
They will likely assume its just a few 4 yo's who know one another. It sounds odd mixing huge amounts of extended family and a party for small kids - how can you talk to all the adults you've invited, and keep the little ones entertained? Is there someone to run games with them, or do you just expect them to 'mingle'.
I'd probably have made an excuse and not sent my DCs to such a party, loads of unknown adults having a knees up while the kids are just sort of there doesn't sound great for the kids.
The ones asking if they should stay will be the polite ones, BTW. We always had several parents drop kids off without even saying hello, i had to ask my DC to point out all the DCs he knew, if we were at a party place where there were others kids there, or I wouldn't even have known which kids I was responsible for!

No ones dropped off and left at any kids parties I've been to & were on age 6 now...

Yogimimmy- totally not my experience.

Yogi, are all your children's friends only children / from 2 parent families?

This simply sounds like a case of miscommunication, nothing more.

For DD's parties pretty much parents stayed for 4th birthday parties - was nurseries friends and family children/children of friends, etc. Was same for the parties we went to, in a range of locations.

By the 5th birthday parties - when they'd started school - most parents were starting to drop and leave, some were still staying but not many and it depended on venue too (if a distance away they tended to stay.)

40 kids?

Completely overwhelming for a 4 year old.

No, definitely a few single parents in there, some with older & younger kids too. Some friends have taken it in turns to take each other's kids & the other has couple of hours to do something else. & grandparents of course. Think if have more than 1 child, it's accepted you have no choice but bring the others. Same goes for those who's partners are shift workers in healthcare etc, have to bring the other kids. I'd imagine next year it'd get closer to dropping off & smaller parties.

OP With so many children you'll need to be sure none wander off into other parts of the building. Or will you be constantly counting them? Sticky name labels might be an idea so that adults know who the children are.
Also the loos are going to get plenty of traffic so someone will have to make occasional checks that they are ok to use.
You've taken on a lot, hoping the children have fun!

I meant if your single parent with more than 1 child btw

I've been to 12 parties this year for 4 years olds and all parents stayed and were expected to. X

Not all young children will be overwhelmed with a big party. DD wouldn't have been. And many are used to fairly busy classrooms or nursery rooms, which can easily have 30 children in - and often more when doing activities/play with 2 or 3 classes at a time.

Just reply saying 'One parent to stay please, but both welcome?'. You are not a creche!

Have children changed since mine were four? It was absolutely normal to drop off and leave at a party from nursery onwards. Ok not a party that size perhaps, but by four unless any issues I would expect them to be able to ask for the toilet and manage a wee by themselves.

I think 40 is too many myself, let's not forget these parents won't know there will be 39 other kids and therefore theirs will have little or no supervision.

You should have made it clear on the invite your expectations.