AIBU?? Is this taking the piss?

[TesticleMeElmo]

Right, bit of a rant here but hear me out. Our DD is 4 next week, so we're having a party on Sunday for her. We've hired a hall, got the nibbles sorted, and invited everyone she wants and a fair few family members and their children as well. Apart from the fact that it's taken best part of a sodding month for anyone to rsvp, I'm now suddenly getting messages galore asking 'Are parents staying or are we just dropping off?'
Surely this is ridiculous?? I wouldn't DREAM of leaving DD at a party free for all with roughly 40 other kids that she's unlikely to know many of (we have a large family) while she's so young. Is this a thing now? What if they need the toilet?? What if they break themselves? What if they break someone else?? What if they're being horrible little shits and need to be told off??! Am I right in thinking they just want an afternoon of free childcare while they bugger off and do something that's actually fun? How old were yours when you left them?

Odd one this. When I had parties for the kids at 4-5 ish, half the parents would leave the kids and half wouldn't. They would ask if they could leave though, and sometimes I would say yes. Depends on the child. Eg; some are more like 7-8 y.o. at the age of 4, and some are like 2. It depends.

I wouldn't think ill of parents wondering if they could leave the kiddies. As I said, some 4 y.o's are quite grown up for their age. (Toilet trained and sensible etc.) And some are babyish. I have to say I found the girls more grown up at 4, than the boys.

Yanbu.

We're onto the round of 6th birthday parties and the vast vast majority of parents still stay.

Most parties that dd went to, parents left. I wasn't that happy about leaving her but dh was keen to leave and I guess we were 'fostering independence'. There weren't any problems, anyway.

I really enjoyed the parties where parents were encouraged to stay - I was very isolated back then.

I'm so glad when mine were young that the norm was a party at home, usually 2-4, a few games, a craft activity, run around the garden, a few sandwiches, sausages on stick, party rings, crisps and a bit of cake.

Those were the days

I much prefer parents to drop and go. More space and more relaxed without them, let them enjoy their 2 hours off!

Wow I wasn't expecting so many responses

Just to clarify a few details I missed earlier -

The party is half nursery friends, half family members
The invites clearly stated 'the hall has a bar for the adults'
Yes, I am mad.

I'll be honest, though, I'm surprised so many people are saying that they'd leave their 3/4 year olds in the care of an almost stranger - I could be a terrible person! This is my point, all the family I'm fine with, but some of the children barely know me!

The ball is in your court OP. Do you want parents to stay or not? Most 4 year olds parents drop and run around here

I remember this issue and constant debate about this. I agree 4 is too young but some parents seemed to be unable to resist the opportunity to have a few hours to themselves and make you the carer. Just say stay please as there are a lot of children and I can't watch them all.

I would not leave my kids at 4 at a party.

For me it's be 6 but even then neither or mine were keen to be left.

You can cope with a few leaving their kids but not many.

But just tell them, please stay.

Where I am parents still tag along at parties until the children are age 6 - 7, for exactly the reasons you posted - large number of unknown children under the supervision of unknown adults.

The only way I'd do the drop and go thing was if the party was at a soft play place where several members of staff were around to supervise. At least they had experience in controlling mayhem young children, were background checked etc.

Not everyone may be aware it's such a big party. The 'hall has a bar' clarifies that parents are welcome to stay but not that they are expected to nor that there will be 40 other kids. It's not a big deal though, just respond to those that enquire to say most parents are staying. At 4 mine often went to smaller parties with classmates where I felt ok leaving them for a short while and I have to admit I welcomed the time to do a v.quick shop (ok, have a sneaky break). Hope you have a lovely party it sounds like it'll be a lot of fun and people will want to stay anyway.

I always left mine, three close together in age meant if I didn't they'd all have to stay!

Children start full-time school at age 3 here. What about the children who have siblings who have not been invited to the party? Not all parents have baby sitters on tap

In a "typical" (to me) children't party, when the DC were aged four, I'd leave. But the four-year-old wouldn't be left with strangers, they'd be left with adults (the party child's parents) they already knew and whose children they were friends with. But I wouldn't be expecting anywhere near 40 children. I was once told that the ideal number of guests for a children's party (not counting siblings) should be about equal to the child's age.

A family party is perhaps different - there might be adults and children there they don't see very much, and a party like that is as much for the adults to get together as well as the children, so in that case I'd expect adults to stay.

They can't be expected to know the amount you've invited.

They asked a polite question and if you're this OTT in all your reactions then good luck!

"By 4 I'd expect a lot of parents to drop and go for a party."

Really? I wouldn't want to be responsible for making sure 40 children know how to use a strange toilet. As it is in a hall rather than a house there will be plenty of room for parents.

How should they know you've invited 40 people? They are asking a perfectly reasonable question really so I don't see what the problem is

It would be unheard of for 4 year olds to be dropped off and left round here.

And I can't believe someone said "You leave them at school don't you?". You can hardly compare school - a safe, secure environment where all children are supervised and monitored (especially at 4!) by accountable adults - to a packed hall, full of random strangers (to the child), from where they could easily wander off.

Had a similar party for 4 yr olds recently, with a mixture of family and nursery friends. Some parents stayed, some didn't. I didn't think anything of it either way at the time.

We tended to do parties at the local leisure centre/gym and all the parents went and sat in the sauna or had a swim

Will there be alcohol available at the bar?? Is so I think 40 kids left under your sole care whilst the parents "bugger off" would be preferable to 40 kids PLUS 40 potentially pissed parents!

One of the mums at DC's school threw a major tantrum when no parents stayed at her DD's party. The party was at her (relatively) small house and she had made no mention of parents being expected to stay on the invite. She posted a very PA photo on FB of a trifle she'd made and commented that it remained uneaten on account of no parents staying for the party.

I think 4 is very young to be left. I didn't start leaving DD until she was about 7 but she suffers with chronic constipation so there were toileting issues. I must admit, too many parents do tend to behave as if their kids are a nuisance & they can't wait to get rid of them 😞

tigercub

Don't be sad. It was young for yours (and one of mine), but not for some children

The rule round here seems to be if they go to school you leave them, if not you don't

They're only asking the question! Just tell them you want parents to stay.