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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU?? Is this taking the piss?

296 replies

TesticleMeElmo · 04/05/2017 17:56

Right, bit of a rant here but hear me out. Our DD is 4 next week, so we're having a party on Sunday for her. We've hired a hall, got the nibbles sorted, and invited everyone she wants and a fair few family members and their children as well. Apart from the fact that it's taken best part of a sodding month for anyone to rsvp, I'm now suddenly getting messages galore asking 'Are parents staying or are we just dropping off?'
Surely this is ridiculous?? I wouldn't DREAM of leaving DD at a party free for all with roughly 40 other kids that she's unlikely to know many of (we have a large family) while she's so young. Is this a thing now? What if they need the toilet?? What if they break themselves? What if they break someone else?? What if they're being horrible little shits and need to be told off??! Am I right in thinking they just want an afternoon of free childcare while they bugger off and do something that's actually fun? How old were yours when you left them?

OP posts:
TheExuberant1 · 04/05/2017 18:46

I have always been asked this question when I have done parties. It doesn't bother me. Usually most parents will want to stay at that age, but as they get older parents will drop and run! I really don' t mind if they want a bit of time to do something that's fine by me, take the opportunity and grab it!

scottishdiem · 04/05/2017 18:47

40 kids? And you werent explicit about wanting parents to stay?

Have you not read the threads on here about parents staying and the OPs being vexed by this?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 04/05/2017 18:49

I agree with LittleMop, the parents that stay won't actually help.

They'll just chat in a group and eat the sandwiches and ignore the fact that their child is hitting everyone and popping all the balloons. Wink

NotYoda · 04/05/2017 18:50

... and you'll have a lovely audience for your ineffectual attempts to keep order and stop your own child having a tantrum about the jelly being the wrong colour

MixedUpConfusion · 04/05/2017 18:52

My dd is almost 4 and had a party last weekend, I was staying as it was a play centre and I think 4 is too young to leave
Your DD had a party and you were kind enough to stay?? At her own party?!

When mine were young it was normal to drop and leave, I don't think it would occur to me there would be the space if every parent stayed. It would be chaos.

NotYoda · 04/05/2017 18:53

Mixed Up

Of course she didn't mean that. She meant her child went to a party

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 04/05/2017 18:54

Stop Yoda you're giving me flashbacks.. Grin Those parties nearly broke me.

Dilligaf81 · 04/05/2017 18:54

I'd leave mine. Parents can't win, your moaning people want to leave the dc and im sure they'll be another post on here from someone moaning parents all stayed.
If you've invited 40 kids is the hall big enough for that many parents and possibly other younger dc that they have with them?

tigermoll · 04/05/2017 18:58

Am I right in thinking they just want an afternoon of free childcare while they bugger off and do something that's actually fun?

Umm, no. You invited them to a party. They're coming to the party. Why are you so cross about the whole thing?

You decided to hire a hall and invite 40 kids who don't know each other. Your clearly think the whole thing is going to be fucking ghastly for everyone ( the party isn't going to be "actually fun" in your words) so it's only fair that the rest of the guests should hang around and suffer through it with you?

Why on earth did you invite 40 kids?? What did you think it would be like? It sounds....terrifying. For everyone. How are you going to organise games, get everyone to sit down and eat food, stop it descending into Lord of the Flies style meltdowns and hysteria? How will the birthday girl even have time to see all 39 of her guests -- will she even care that they're there? This whole plan sounds crazy.

I think that your guests have done exactly the right thing asking if you want them to stay or not. Just tell them you want them to stay.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 04/05/2017 18:59

I think you need to choose:
(A) Please do stay, thank you
Or
(B) Please feel free to drop them off
Whichever option you want. Then everyone knows. Because maybe they don't know what you would prefer?
and good luck I still have nightmares about DCs parties at that age

NotYoda · 04/05/2017 18:59

ILostIt

My 16 year old has a phobia of balloons that started at his 3rd Birthday party when the first kids to arrive stomped on all the balloons.

Also, we'd had to rehearse people singing happy birthday to him for a few days before hand (with candle in an orange) because he didn't like people singing at him Hmm

blackteasplease · 04/05/2017 19:03

With my DD's friends, the dropping off starting in earnest at the 6th bday parties. A few dropped off when they were 5, I think, depending on how well they knew others at the party. One parent dropped and ran at DD's 4th b day, and I remember thinking I wouldn't have been ready too leave DD at that age, but that said she was fine (she did know a lot of adults there though).

It's quite good when the parents stop staying though, as it's a lot fewer people to cater for.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 04/05/2017 19:05

There's definitely something about the combination of balloons, party food and birthdays that turns lovely quiet 4 year olds into very loud crazy lunatics, hell bent on destruction and making each other cry.

Multiply that by 40? AAArrrgghhh!

WyfOfBathe · 04/05/2017 19:06

They are ASKING you. You can say that they need to stay. The parents probably assume it's a small party with other 3/4 year olds from nursery or wherever, and that there are going to be people to look after them.

DD turned 5 this year, it was her first birthday party. About half of the parents stayed, including 3 who I had specifically asked beforehand if they would mind coming and giving me a hand - I've done the same for some of their DC's parties in the past.

forfuckssakenet · 04/05/2017 19:10

Yabu

They are just asking a question. Tell them you'd rather they stayed. Problem solved.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 04/05/2017 19:14

I felt the opposite to you when my DS had his 4th B'day party. It was held at at the local Virgin Gym kids club and each invitation came wth a free pass for the parents and siblings to use the spa or pool etc. The idea was that the kids club staff would supervise the party while the parents chilled out. No one used their pass as each parent sat on the floor in the activity room and watched the kids. I was really surprised as I'd have definitely dropped and run!

hks · 04/05/2017 19:25

have you got enough seating for 40+ parents maybe they have siblings and .. personally id stay if my 4 yr old was attending a part but so would my older daughter as i had no one to watch her
( i brought her own snacks and juice and paid for her at soft play if this is where the birthday party was being held )

TheFirstMrsDV · 04/05/2017 19:27

Do you know why I ask that question?
Because for every thread on MN saying what a cheek it is to leave your child at a party there is another one moaning about parents 'hanging around expecting to be entertained'

Also,
Are you seriously having an all afternoon party for 40 preschoolers? WTF for?

And
Your op sounds unhinged. Calm down a bit. You are going to need your energy for your party living nightmare

StarryIllusion · 04/05/2017 19:32

YABU they are not mind readers. 4/5ish is the age when parents do start just dropping off. If they need the toilet then they go. 4 is old enough to go by themselves and if they need help they will ask. Any parents whose dc still need help are likely to stay anyway. If they hurt themselves, rub the bruise, stick a plaster on the scrape or call their parents to come take them to A&E as appropriate. If they are being horrible little shits you or the nearest adult/older teen remove them from the fun and read them the riot act.

PuppyMonkey · 04/05/2017 19:39

I agree with PP, they are probably just checking it IS ok to stay if they want - it sounds like you're having a big family do and they might feel a bit awkward. God it sounds like a right palaver. Grin

NotYoda · 04/05/2017 19:41

If you're really lucky your family will go all cat's bum mouth at your friends' kids ('Children don't behave like that in Basingstoke')

user1493022461 · 04/05/2017 19:41

40 kids, at least 40 parents, plus family?

I can feel a headache starting just thinking about it, imagine actually having to be there!

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 04/05/2017 19:44

I strongly suggest stocking up on migraine tablets and wine for afterwards.

Witchend · 04/05/2017 19:48

By 4yo parties at this stage in the year most people dropped and ran unless they'd come a distance.

LostPeppers · 04/05/2017 19:50

Very variable around where I am.
Some people have been leaving their dcs on their own from 5yo with people they didn't know (b'day class party). Others have been staying until the dcs were 7 or 8yo (if not longer).