AIBU?? Is this taking the piss?

[TesticleMeElmo]

Right, bit of a rant here but hear me out. Our DD is 4 next week, so we're having a party on Sunday for her. We've hired a hall, got the nibbles sorted, and invited everyone she wants and a fair few family members and their children as well. Apart from the fact that it's taken best part of a sodding month for anyone to rsvp, I'm now suddenly getting messages galore asking 'Are parents staying or are we just dropping off?'
Surely this is ridiculous?? I wouldn't DREAM of leaving DD at a party free for all with roughly 40 other kids that she's unlikely to know many of (we have a large family) while she's so young. Is this a thing now? What if they need the toilet?? What if they break themselves? What if they break someone else?? What if they're being horrible little shits and need to be told off??! Am I right in thinking they just want an afternoon of free childcare while they bugger off and do something that's actually fun? How old were yours when you left them?

We had one dropped at ds1s 4th - parents were having a dreadful time so we found an adult she vaguely knew to take charge of her. Otherwise I've not encountered it at preschool level and I'm surprised others have. I'm sure next year when they're rising 5 and at proper full time school it'll be different but I'd expect to stay at with a preschool age child and it seems to be the norm round here staring at your phone and ignoring them squashing babies on the bouncy castle is apparently ok though. Who knew?

This is a non issue, just ask them to stay (and provide refreshments).

In our area you drop and go once they start school, so 4yo.

Btw if you are in charge then you tell them off if they aren't behaving appropriately.

How the fuck are all the parents meant to know that you are having a huge party with 40 other children, many no-one knows?

Its perfectly normal to leave children at parties, but not with judgy show offs like you who don't even know anything about kids parties and seem to hate all their invited guests anyway.

It sounds a bit hellish actually, you're brave. Have you got lots for them to do at the party otherwise it all goes a bit Lord of The Flies.

You may find yourself running round like a headless chicken serving all the parents drinks. And be prepared for parents to turn up with other siblings that want to join in and eat all the food.

I'm starting to wonder if you'll get a few 4 year olds just dropped off if it's not clear..?

When I had mine, it was drop and run. Round here, a lot seem to still drop and run. But from reading on MN some people stay. So it's not unreasonable or taking the piss that they are asking.

Yes everyone I know was dropping and running from age 4 onwards.

I imagine that is what most parents will do so maybe you need to round up some helpers?

I would expect at that age I would just be dropping off the children. Sounds like you have lots of family adults there to do the supervising, if not ask some of the other parents to help out.

Ilost you don't serve the parents drinks, you set up a table with either an urn or insulated water jugs, coffee, tea and biscuits and let them help themselves.

Besides, if it's a family party they'll be plenty of people to help.

Mine are currently too young.

But yes, dropping children off seems normal to me at that age...

TBH, I'd actually somewhat expect this...

What do you mean "is this a thing now" It's always been commonplace for children to be dropped off for parties from the age of 4/5. I don't understand why you're getting so offended at people just asking the question. YABU.

I varies a lot. Round here, some parents would drop off, especially if the child was not their first. But some would stay, to keep an eye on their child or because their child wanted them to stay

It's good that they are asking, not just assuming.

Fine for them to ask, fine for you to say please stay

I would ask some people specifically to stay and help. Friends/family or parents of people who you think might need extra looking after.

You may find that if they all stay they are bugger all help anyway and sit talking and eating the egg sandwiches and drumstick lollipops speaks from bitter experience

If you want a good proportion of the parents to stay, how about sending a group text that there will be nibbles and drinks provided for the parents. (Cue mad dash to the shops perhaps?).

I always used to cater for parents. Only one parent left their dc at dds 4th birthday party. Last year when dd was 8 was the first time parents no parents stayed. Maybe it varies depending where you live? Age 5 - big 40 kid village hall and most stayed. Age 6 - soft play and some stayed. Age 7 - roller skating and more than half stayed. Dd went to a swim party and half the parents stayed for a 9th. I was surprised so many didn't leave and there was only one set of parents from out of town. Dd has a medical condition which is why I didn't leave her.

I'm surprised so many people saying parents leave their dcs at 4 as it's not the done thing where I live.

.... BTW if they are being 'horrible little shits' you'll have to gird your loins and take charge

And school age kids can (mostly) toilet themselves

Why the rant? Just say "please stay with your children". It's nothing to do with free childcare or buggering off, we had party invites stating stay, others asking us to leave, and some don't specify so you ask. Not everybody has the space, so might want parents to leave.

Never had a child break themselves or someone else at a party.

But they're not school aged kids are they Yoda?

.... and many people do want an afternoon of free childcare. and understandably so. Your choice to have a large party. If it's too much for you (it was for me) then don't do it.

They're asking because you didn't provide the information.

We lived in a village at the time & the kids all knew each other, played at each others etc from very small. Drop offs for playing from very small, parties from 3.

Out in the wider world though, mostly seems to be for the 4th birthday parties.

3/4 year olds should be going to the toilet independently or shouldn't be dropped off.

How are the parents to know you've invited so many children?

If you don't want them dropped off then just say. No need to bitch about it.

4 year olds go to school/school nursery.

... although yes, many of them won't be school age. you're right

I actually think these people are being polite. They are finding out if it's ok for them to stay.

Have had 3 DCs.

Where I live it has always been.

4th Birthday parties - almost all parents stay. The children whose parents don't stay always seem to end up crying.
5th Birthday parties - about half and half. Not all the children whose parents don't stay cry, but the ones that do cry always seem to be ones whose parents aren't there.
6th Birthday parties - almost all parents leave. Only parents who stay are those with DCs with allergies (me) or with very clingy DCs (er that would be me again).
7th Birthday parties - "For heaven's sake, DS, I need to go home. Let go of my leg and go and enjoy yourself!"

40 kids

Assuming that info wasn't included on the invite then how are the other parents to know what a handful it would be. It's a perfectly reasonable question to ask, and at least they are asking and not just planning to dump and run.

At 4 everyone stayed, at 5 some left (although we provided beer and wine at DD's 5th birthday so most stayed!!). Now at 6 I would say it depends on where it is. If it's in our village hall, lots will leave and walk home to get stuff done have a couple of hours peace

Have you got an entertainer?

Sorry to labour the point, but 40 is a lot

And I'd do no more than an hour and a half