Mil let baby get sunburnt

[sunburntbaby]

I really don't know how to deal with this....

I'm on maternity leave looking after my 9mo. My mil had asked to have the baby alone once a week so we recently started doing that for an afternoon once a week. Yesterday was very hot, so hot I had to sit in the shade. Well....mil had him out in the sun and he's bloody sunburnt. Arms, face and neck. She said they were sitting out most of the afternoon (!!!) Aibu to think she should have had him in the shade?
Other more minor things include on 3 occasions in the past leaving him in a dirty Nappy and not putting him down for his nap (I'm assuming she doesn't want to cut into her time with him).
I think I will really struggle to trust her with him now. Surely it's common sense not to have a baby in the sun?
My dh is going to speak to her as he's pretty upset too.

I am with PP.... offer to let her spend time with DS while you potter around the house.... use separation anxiety or some batshit new parenting fad that you can think up that says it is better that you spend your mat leave no more than 75ft away from the baby. I know everyone says GP-baby relationships are a beauty to behold (I never had one really and am failing to see the benefit for my kids so I am totally biased) but the safety of YOUR baby and YOUR sanity come first. My MIL thinks the fact that both my kids are EpiPen carrying kids is just me being fussy.... no one had peanut allergies back in her day and surely nothing bad can happen when I send the GDs peanuts in the post?!?!?! Like I said I am biased but it is hard enough being a mum without GP stress.

Charlie that's just so frightening that your MIL doesn't get how serious allergys are.

I'd love to know the reasons why allergies appear to be on the increase.
But one grim thought is prior to the medical world being able to recognise and treat anaphylactic shock people must have died at their first or second attack therefore less people actually living with an allergy.
Another thought would be something in our modern world is increasing the number of people with allergies, food processing factories or something.

Haven't rtft but this stands out to me:

My mil had asked to have the baby alone once a week so we recently started doing that for an afternoon once a week.

Wtf for?

He's your baby and you're on mat leave so what does mil even have him for.

Some people seem so controlling that they want baby alone away from its parents and all to themsleves to the extent of not even giving him a nap. It's weird and controlling. She had her shot with her own dc. She isn't responsible with yours.

Stop the alone time.

My mum has had alone time with my DS since he was born, literally week 2 of his life. There have been times when I know she thinks I've been OTT About stuff just like sun cream - people did do things differently even 20 years ago.

It's not wrong to discuss things you want done your way, as long as she's receptive to that but I'm trying to say is the alone time benefits are truly awesome. DS and DM are best friends and do loads together or are totally ok just hanging together watching tennis or the Chase. It's a joy to them both.

Blood does not guarantee a good relationship. Nor does someone saying they love you. Those of use from abusive families know this.

Actions speak louder than words.

Too self-absorbed to care properly for a child = not a good influence. Beyond the immediate consequences of nappy rash and sunburn, I just wouldn't trust someone like that to put my child's interests before their own.

Or maybe she just needs help being a new granny, just like new mums need help being mums. How many threads do we see where the baby has rolled off the sofa/bed etc. It would be a shame to curtail what can be a terrific bond when some conversation could resolve things the OP has genuine concerns about.

changing a dirty nappy isn't rocket science. Anyone with a modicum of sense or empathy can work out its not pleasant or healthy to sit in your own shit

She clearly isn't able to cope with having a baby alone, no matter how happy it makes her. It's time to put your baby's wellbeing ahead of your MIL 's demands, and allow her to see the baby with you or DH there.

You understand I'm not saying it's good right? I'm just trying to make the case that sometimes it's not all black and white. If DS did a dry poo it didn't smell at all

But OP said it smelt.

Baby does a poo and it smells. Nappy doesn't get changed. Why tie yourself in knots thinking of excuses instead of just saying nope, this is not acceptable.

I'm not tying myself in knots. Do people really do that as a response to a complete strangers question. Just don't subscribe to the throw away the baby with the bath water approach.