Mil let baby get sunburnt

[sunburntbaby]

I really don't know how to deal with this....

I'm on maternity leave looking after my 9mo. My mil had asked to have the baby alone once a week so we recently started doing that for an afternoon once a week. Yesterday was very hot, so hot I had to sit in the shade. Well....mil had him out in the sun and he's bloody sunburnt. Arms, face and neck. She said they were sitting out most of the afternoon (!!!) Aibu to think she should have had him in the shade?
Other more minor things include on 3 occasions in the past leaving him in a dirty Nappy and not putting him down for his nap (I'm assuming she doesn't want to cut into her time with him).
I think I will really struggle to trust her with him now. Surely it's common sense not to have a baby in the sun?
My dh is going to speak to her as he's pretty upset too.

You are all right I'm an 18 year old troll with NO children

Outed.
Reported.
Dab.

minipie I have my gcs alone as the parents work. I had them alone to let their mum have a break. I expect the mil wants to be helpful even if she's not.

baby yes agree I too am far more careful with my grandchildren than was my own.

Sun burn is serious on a baby. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving one of my babies with someone who let them get sun burnt. It's only May now, and the chance of getting burnt or dehydrated is only going to increase. It's not a personal thing - I think some poster's seem to think you are considering removing the baby out of spite - but just a safety and peace of mind thing. I remember being very worried about sunburn when I took my then almost 6 month old outside in May. I kept her completely covered and in the shade. Because that's the kind of thing you worry about with babies, and if someone isn't doing that, then I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving them in charge.

I have a funny feeling I am more mature and experienced than you. If you say so.

Dan oh wise one, could you explain please why you feel MIL's intentions are the key thing here? I mean rather than her actual ability to safely look after a child? Given that sunburn in an infant can be very serious and that even a singular case if sunburn (if severe enough) can increase the future risk of skin cancer. And also given the fact that it's just uncomfortable at the very least. Tell me, does the fact that MIL loves her GC make any of this risk disappear? Maybe you know something we don't.

At the end of the day, every sensible person who is responsible enough to be in sole charge of a child knows that you do not leave a baby in direct sunlight for any extended period of time without adequate sun protection (SPF, hat, parasol). If she can't figure that out then she's not fit to look after him. It's really very basic care. Along with nappy changes which she also can't manage to keep on top of. She's probably falling short in other areas too, these are only the things you've noticed so for that reason the trust has gone and I wouldn't leave DC alone with her any more.

Batgirls I've got nothing against GPs having GCs alone if that is to help the parents/at the parents' request (I have left my DC with their GPs happily and gratefully on various occasions!). It's when the GP really wants to have their GC alone, i.e. they specifically ask for the parent not to be there, that's what I find weird.

mini my mil has often said the happiest time of her life was when her kids were young and I think she just wants to recreate that by having him alone, showing him off to people, pushing him in pram etc. none of which I have a problem with if it makes her happy and my ds is being looked after. Which I am sadly now unsure of

You can only trust your own instincts - and stick with them, regardless of anyone trying to persuade you otherwise.

I've had to do similar with my dad - he has a habit of shouting/being ridiculously stern with DS and dnephew (2 and 18 months respectively). Unnecessary so. Both DSis and I have had words and neither is left unsupervised with him anymore.

I've been putting cold cloths on the redness and went to the shop to buy aloe gel so just about to put it on.
The cold cloths (or maybe the sudocream) seem to have taken some of redness away. He's grumbly when I touch it but seems pretty happy otherwise.
Gave him an extra milk feed (doesn't like water)

My MIL is also one that pushes for 'alone' time with the dc and always has. Very definitely without dh or me there.

I think it's a control thing with her and I do find it weird so her requests were usually refused. I love spending time with friends or families babies or dc and am happy enough to mind them alone if that would help out - but I can't understand why you'd actively seek out having them alone, just for the sake of it. Unless it's a control/play house type reason, both of which I find weird.

I am glad you have had some support on these issues OP.

I just wanted to add that I think you should mind about the not being put down for a nap as well. You put him down for a nap because it is good for your son's wellbeing. He is 9 months for god's sake. He needs a nap. Please don't feel afraid to insist on this too - if you ever let her look after him again.

TBH I think it tends to be a bit of a grandparent thing. It must be difficult being in that position- being so in love with a new baby but it being your offspring's baby and not yours.

MIL bitches at me if I'm in the same room as DS when she's around. She grabs his arms and refuses to let go even if he cries

Don't care if she's my MIL or my mum - no fucking way I'd leave DS with anyone like that. Especially when she insists that DS can stay in dirty nappies and go hungry whilst she tucks into her own food

sea I do mind about the Nap however I thought as it was only one Nap a week I could just over look it as an act of grandmotherly indulgence. I'd much rather he had his naps and go out my way to ensure he has them, don't plan any activities during those times etc.

OP,

I'm totally with you on this issue.

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

In fact, that you're even canvassing opinion on here, and have tried to let go a few other concerns about your MIL not respecting your (entirely rational) requests (and that you're trying to maintain family harmony, not out of a need for childcare, but to MIL/ DGS enjoy special time together), surely demonstrates you're the exact opposite?

Hope your little boy isn't too uncomfortable, that your soothing methods help him ASAP, and that you, your DH and MIL manage to resolve the situation re his care on her watch.

As PPs have said, a one-off, unfortunate accident by someone (usually sensible) truly not appreciating how fragile your DS's skin is, and who firmly ensures it will never happen again, is one thing...if, though, someone has disregarded your warning he will burn, and has since shown no remorse or assurances of more vigilance in future...well, that's far more concerning.

Seem to be a few MNers refusing to take seriously how very quickly and easily we sun sensitive, fair, prone to burning skin-types catch damaging rays.
(Pretty arrogant, IMO).

We're very happy you have the luxury of never needing to worry unduly.
"Oh FFS, it's only the UK, early May, hardly the Tropics" (usually followed up with "and it's cloudy, anyway") seems a prevalent attitude in RL.

Point being, it's how sun exposure affects the individual. Especially with babies/ young kids.
Not just you, or those known to you.
Yes, it genuinely is possible for some of us/ our kids to burn in what may sound laughably low levels of UV (which, btw, still penetrate cloud cover considerably).

Would've hoped it was widely accepted in 2017 that each childhood burning incident cumulatively increases melanoma risk in later life, for vulnerable demographics. Not in any way laughable.

As 2 pale and freckled skin adult friends, whose (darker-skinned) parents were frequently negligent about sun protection throughout their early years, have recently discovered.
"A bit of redness will soon turn into a nice healthy tan", was trotted out often, apparently.
Their oncologists would disagree.

The cynics may want to brush up on your medical facts at the CancerResearch or SkinCancerFoundation official sites.

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Sunburn/Pages/Introduction.aspx

When to seek medical advice
You should contact your GP, attend an NHS walk-in centre, or call NHS 111 for advice if you feel unwell or have any concerns about your sunburn, particularly if you are burnt over a large area or have any of the more severe symptoms listed below.

You should also see your GP if a young child or baby has sunburn, as their skin is particularly fragile.

Only if we behave like irresponsible eejits. It has nothing to do with being the mother of sons - two of my sons have dc and I regularly look after their little ones. My sons (and my daughters in law) know they can trust me to keep to whatever routine they've established and in any case, I'm probably even more watchful with their wee ones than I was with my own

^ This. Nothing to do with mothers and sons at all. Its not your and your sons baby !

QuiteLikely5 "...all things considered she meant well and that's the key thing."

How do you know she meant well. She wanted to have the baby alone once a week, for her own benefit. That is fine if that is what the OP wants (it appears not) but it's not necessrily meaning well. Meaning well (to me) would be to ask the relatively new mum that is her DIL, how can I help? Of course she wants to see the baby, of course, but it doesn't mean she means well, it just means she wants to see her grandchild.

danTDM "May I remind all mothers with sons, this is how you will be spoken about in a few short years." I do hope not since if my son does have a child (he's saying he won't at the moment but is only six so we will see!) I will not expect to have the child unaccompanied one day a week or have them to stay at mine overnight from birth. I hope I will ask - How I can help?

I don't think the OP is being 'ODD' or 'depressing'. She's allowed her MIL to have the baby one afternoon a week, which she doesn't really want to do and MIL has not done a good job of caring for baby.

OP I would check out baby with medical person. I would speak to MIL myself, explain what happened with sunburn, baby distressed etc. Then next week I'd say lets go out together. IF she makes a fuss explain sunburn, dirty nappies and no nap have all taken toll on baby so you want to make sure he is fine so you can all be together.

Then take it from there.

Well if you can't trust her to look after him properly then she can't have him unsupervised.

I would be furious.

Temperature irrelevant. UV levels rocketing, seven weeks to peak . anyone not wearing sunscreen outside is a knob, and of course an unprotected baby got fried.

I'm so glad my brother and sister in law didn't cut me off from my niece when I let her get burned..........

I would be very upset and I would never leave her unsupervised with a child again

DS1 got burned a couple of weeks ago whilst wearing F30 in our garden. I'm still using the cat-o-nine-tails on myself as punishment.

People make mistakes sometimes. If your MIL is generally switched-on and brilliant, let it go. If she's continually inept, fight your corner.

Mine is a marvel. We irritate one another but she's a wonderful influence on the DCs; they adore her and are thrilled to see her at any time. Her love for them is lovely to see. I'm so grateful to have someone so trustworthy and kind loving my DCs and helping out.

"I would be very upset and I would never leave her unsupervised with a child again"

As I said, I'm glad my db and sil didn't take the same line.....,,,

yes we heard you the first time Bertrand

No Foxache it really isn't a bit of a grandparent thing. I have two GD and I never behave in a weird irrational way around them.

But then I'm not an unreasonable irresponsible loon, clearly a lot of grandparents are if mn is to be believed.